To want fiance to get rid of his cats

Lucky you. I have taken them to the vet and they were dismissive. I believe it's territorial as unfortunately although the cats are sisters they don't like each other.

Well, he obviously cares more about his cats than your health. I would dump him.

Well if you’re allergic to cats you can’t really live with them. So in this instance you’re not being unreasonable to ask him to rehome, otherwise you might need to live apart

I complained to my then fiancé DH that he seemed to think more of his cat than me. His response was that I shouldn’t ask him to choose between it and me, because the cat would win.

The three of us did all end up happily living together.

If need to work this out together! You can't just go "well I have 2 reasons you need to rehome your cats, so rehome your cats!" Would he rather not move in with you than rehome his cats?

That is ridiculous. You can't harm your body like that by taking AH permanently.

YABU to want him to rehome his cats when you wouldn’t rehome your dog.

But also for planning a wedding with someone you’ve never lived with. I hope the wedding is in 2027 or beyond because this is not advisable

OP, even I think you're unreasonable, and I loathe cats!
If the two of you can't agree or compromise re pets, then you need to think twice about whether to marry, or even to move in together.
I'm not sure why your fiance should be tje only person who has to make a sacrifice 🤷‍♀️

I truly don't think living together is viable. Yes, three years is normally the time you'd think about moving in with each other, but just because something is the norm for most other people doesn't mean it's the right path for you as a couple.

Your cat allergy would be sufficient reason not to move him in. I'm allergic to cats and I couldn't live with them. You might think you can mitigate the allergy with antihistamines, rooms that are out of bounds for them etc, but you can't - there's a low-level stress to being on top of all those things. One of my old housemates got a cat with no warning and I couldn't take more than a month (she temporarily rehomed it then moved out when her lease was up). I also don't think it's reasonable that either of you should give up your pets.

On top of all that you have pets who might conflict AND an ASD child AND you both WFH? Living together will be an absolute disaster regardless of how much you love each other. You will both be miserable and you will break up within the year.

It's OK not to live together. Plenty of couples do that. Usually couples who are older than you but frankly it's the only way your relationship will be viable anyway. You need to park the idea of moving in with each other for the foreseeable.

Cats don't typically pee in the house unless there is a health issue or they don't like the type of litter or tray being used.

Or of course if they weren't neutered and it is actually spraying.

If they are peeing regularly and you can't see a cause then I would be taking them to the vet to see if it's a health issue or environmental. Cats are very clean. Mine have never, ever peed outside the litter tray apart from a singular ocassion when one had cystitis.

So basically you are going to ignore all the comments about what a complete disaster this will probably be?

Fair enough, pretty standard for AIBU.

Bc she is allergic to them. If he was allergic to her dog, then she would have re-home it.

I think it’s unfair to rehome anyone but I understand that you want to move in together. With the money saved is it possible to build a ‘catio’ room for the cats enabling them to have their own space? A temporary structure like this doesn’t need planning and means you can socialise the cat and dog on their own terms but have a cat flap so the cats can choose.
In my experience, rotties settle very well with cats, an older rottie will be more relaxed.
As far as your allergy, you would have to take permanent antihistamines. There’s a few things to consider here but you need to think about solutions that don’t involve rehoming.

This is a no-win situation for the poor cats, and I feel really sad for them. They either have to be rehomed or share very tight living space with a young child and a Rottweiler. Of the two choices, rehoming is probably the more humane option (and I am a massive cat lover) - they will not have a moment's peace in that house. They will forever be looking for somewhere to hide, with no viable options.

But the best option would be to delay getting married and use some (most) of the wedding money to buy a bigger house.

If you are ok with your ASD child being with a rottweiler I am sure you can handle a couple of cats.

Use a 1 a day antihistamine and try introducing your dog to the cats on a trial basis

Let's call the whole thing off!

I think people are forgetting that the op is allergic.

Completely agree.

I love cats but the two that came with my DH pee in the house which is gross. And our house is large, quiet, with no dog, and they are allowed outside.

In your situation I'd be delaying moving in together. Or buying somewhere bigger and letting the cats be outdoor cats.

You shouldn't live with cats if you're allergic to them. I find it utterly bizarre that there are people on here thinking you're unreasonable for not wanting to be ill every day. TBH, if your fiance expects you to put up with allergies for the next ten years just because of two cats, I'd consider that a major red flag.

Childish?? Give over 🤣

My husband had a cat when we got together 14 years ago. The cat was put to sleep last month aged 20. I'm allergic to cats and I took antihistamine tablets all through that time with my allergy flaring up whenever I forgot.

Although my allergy was pretty miserable I wouldn't change anything, but I'm relieved it's no longer an issue. We will not get another cat.

Cats can live a LONG time. You both need to think long and hard about this to make a conscious decision and not just sleepwalk into it.

@ellie09 I think you should stay living apart, you can keep your office and he can keep his cats :)

Yes, I also read she pops a tablet when she goes round for the past 2yrs. Also do you genuinely think her DP isn't carrying cat hair on his clothes if he goes to hers

We are big cat people. When DD was very little it looked like she might be allergic to our cats. We looked into lots of different things but ultimately we would have rehomed the cats if the allergy couldn’t be handled. As it turns out she had hayfever which is managed with seasonal antihistamines. But I can’t control the grass and plane trees all around us (her hayfever got so bad at one point we seriously investigated moving to somewhere like Dartmoor)!