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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want fiance to get rid of his cats

759 replies

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:40

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

  • Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.
  • His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)
  • I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment
  • I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

OP posts:
BeanQuisine · 02/05/2025 11:08

You're allergic to the cats, so they have no place in your home. It's too much to expect most Mumsnetters to understand that, but surely your own fiance should prioritise your health?

Blueskies25 · 02/05/2025 11:08

TennesseeStella · 02/05/2025 09:46

Why should he re-home the cats if you're not willing to re-home your dog? Just because he is the one moving into your house? One dog will be easier to re-home than two cats.

Because he is moving into HER home and she is allergic to cat’s

SabbatWheel · 02/05/2025 11:08

Frequency · 02/05/2025 11:04

I've never heard of fexofenadine. I have to take Piriton quite a lot, especially over summer. I'm also allergic to a lot of things (cats, rodents, birds, grass pollen, house dust, paint fumes are the ones I know about, and donkeys, but I do occasionally get symptoms and cannot pinpoint a cause, so there are some unknown allergies too.)

Do you need a prescription for it? My GP knows I take Piriton regularly and has never expressed any concern, so I assume it is considered safe for regular usage.

Fexo used to be prescription only but is now available widely as Allevia. Cheaper to get it on prescription though if needed throughout the summer.

Original poster
ellie09 · 02/05/2025 11:08

ThatGladTiger · 02/05/2025 11:05

Do you live on a main road? If not I think it would be good once the cats are settled to let them outside.

Start going to his house and taking your dog. It will be chaos at first but they will get to know each other.

When he does move in again be patient. I installed some temporary child gates and any worked wonders as the cat had safe space.

End result they live happy together, took some time! My rotty went from wanting to play with the cat to being scared of it at any point in time!

and take antihistamine!

I know for a fact my rottie will be a big wimp and hiding from the cats!

They are big but very gentle dogs that think they're the size of a chihuahua!

OP posts:
Ddakji · 02/05/2025 11:07

Poppyseeds79 · 02/05/2025 10:39

Yes, I also read she pops a tablet when she goes round for the past 2yrs. Also do you genuinely think her DP isn't carrying cat hair on his clothes if he goes to hers

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Well, there are washing machines. They might not be cats who are handled much (none of ours are/have been). They might not shed much.

But carry on frothing.

amicisimma · 02/05/2025 11:06

How does your child feel about a couple of cats and a man moving into her/his home? Specially if the cats will make Mummy feel unwell.

His/her views don't seem to get a mention.

Sansan18 · 02/05/2025 11:06

I'm puzzled that the pets don't seem to have met yet.There's lots of advance planning you could be doing if you want this situation to work.

Original poster
ellie09 · 02/05/2025 11:06

Just to put it out there, when discussing all this situation, my DP was the FIRST one to bring up potentially rehoming them if it didnt work out, NOT me.

OP posts:
ThatGladTiger · 02/05/2025 11:05

Do you live on a main road? If not I think it would be good once the cats are settled to let them outside.

Start going to his house and taking your dog. It will be chaos at first but they will get to know each other.

When he does move in again be patient. I installed some temporary child gates and any worked wonders as the cat had safe space.

End result they live happy together, took some time! My rotty went from wanting to play with the cat to being scared of it at any point in time!

and take antihistamine!

Clarasmum444 · 02/05/2025 11:05

I'd be telling you to get fucked.

BaggyPJs · 02/05/2025 11:05

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:55

Average rottweiler life span is 8-10 years

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Wait until the dog has passed away before moving in together. It won't kill you to wait.

However you're allergic to cats so this relationship is not for you. He has cats and you are horrible for expecting them to be rehomed. There are too many animals needing homes for you to just add to the problem.

Frequency · 02/05/2025 11:04

I've never heard of fexofenadine. I have to take Piriton quite a lot, especially over summer. I'm also allergic to a lot of things (cats, rodents, birds, grass pollen, house dust, paint fumes are the ones I know about, and donkeys, but I do occasionally get symptoms and cannot pinpoint a cause, so there are some unknown allergies too.)

Do you need a prescription for it? My GP knows I take Piriton regularly and has never expressed any concern, so I assume it is considered safe for regular usage.

Original poster
ellie09 · 02/05/2025 11:04

Musclewoman · 02/05/2025 11:00

You have a potentially dangerous rottweiler and an ASD child and you expect him to get rid of his CATS....?!

Unbelievable 🤣

I dont have a "dangerous" rottweiler. What basis are you drawing this from? She has been well socialized and trained with children and other dogs from she was a puppy.

The only dog that has ever bitten me was a poodle, and the only dog I have seen attacking another was a jack russell. Go figure.

OP posts:
FloatingSquirrel · 02/05/2025 11:03

galasphere · 02/05/2025 10:42

Childish?? Give over 🤣

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You don't think a gaming room is childish? 😂

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 02/05/2025 11:03

Doitrightnow · 02/05/2025 10:54

Lucky you. I have taken them to the vet and they were dismissive. I believe it's territorial as unfortunately although the cats are sisters they don't like each other.

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Feliway Optimum plugins help with territory issues. The Optimum version is the best by far.

Also Feliway Cystease capsules sprinkled onto their wet food helps a lot too. I know loads of people who have had a lot of success when combining the two.

Maybe give them a try :)

Pancakeorcrepe · 02/05/2025 11:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MrsSunshine2b · 02/05/2025 11:00

IMustDoMoreExercise · 02/05/2025 10:51

That is ridiculous. You can't harm your body like that by taking AH permanently.

Edited
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I'm on fexofenadine permanently and take it every day because I have allergies to lots of things. It's considered safe for long term use.

Musclewoman · 02/05/2025 11:00

You have a potentially dangerous rottweiler and an ASD child and you expect him to get rid of his CATS....?!

Unbelievable 🤣

Swiftie1878 · 02/05/2025 10:59

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:55

Average rottweiler life span is 8-10 years

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Then wait and move in together after the dog departs its earthly life.

TABVU to even ask, let alone expect, him to rehome his cats.

TheAmusedQuail · 02/05/2025 10:59

Unreasonable. They are his family. They were there first.

MrsSunshine2b · 02/05/2025 10:57

It sounds to me like you're seeing this move as him moving into "your" house and expecting him to fit in with the life you already have, rather than the two of you making a home together in a house that used to be just yours.

He has cats, you have a dog, both are equally important to their owner. If your dog is so old that he couldn't be rehomed then I can't imagine he's that loud and cats can adjust better to a slightly noisier environment than they can to being rehomed.

MalcolmMoo · 02/05/2025 10:57

Wow! Tbh I don’t think you should be moving in with eachother

andweallloveclover · 02/05/2025 10:56

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:48

No, its a 6 year old Rottweiler nearing the last few years of its life. I wouldnt rehome her.

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But you expect him to rehome his cats! 🙄Nope. Why should he?

TheGreyQuail · 02/05/2025 10:54

No way would I rehome my pets for anyone no matter what.

Frequency · 02/05/2025 10:54

IMustDoMoreExercise · 02/05/2025 10:51

That is ridiculous. You can't harm your body like that by taking AH permanently.

Edited
Show quote history

She probably won't need to. I don't take them any more around my cats. I'm still allergic if they sit on me for too long, and I need to wash my bedding more often, as one of them has taken to sleeping on the end of my bed, but 99% of the time I am fine.