To want fiance to get rid of his cats

We tried the plugins to no noticeable effect. Didn't know about the food capsules though, maybe worth a try, thanks.

I think mumsnet is the wrong place to ask. I don’t know anyone in real life who would put an animal above a human being.

YABVU and entitled.
You don’t sound compatible.
you also sound controlling
if anyone tried to make me get rid of my cats, I’d get rid of the person instead

Traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) might work. My mother did it about 25 years ago - she had been suffering from really bad hayever every summer until then. TCM - a mixture of acupuncture and teas over the course of a couple of weeks - worked and the hayfever still hasn‘t returned. It is also offered for allergic rhinitis caused by cats.

I would not give up my cats for anyone or anything.

You clearly much prefer dogs to cats, as you rehomed your cat upon getting your dog as a puppy. A cat is easier to dispose of than a dog in your eyes. Cat rescues are at breaking point at the moment, up to their eyes in unwanted kittens due to owners not neutering their cats, unwanted adult cats that need rehoming, cats that did have a home but are now strays and feral cats. Rehoming 2 cats especially if they are bonded (you can't separate them) is extremely hard. Rehoming via Facebook etc is a huge no - people often ask for cats with the purpose of using them for dog fighting. Sadly, even in 2025 it still goes on. You wouldn't re-home your dog, and at 6, he's not that old, he could easily have another 10 years, but you expect your fiancee to re-home his cats. Many people take antihistamines every day for pet allergies. Be honest with yourself and your partner, you don't want his cats in your home, so therefore tell him that. He then has a choice, move in with you without the cats or continue to live separately with his cats. Rehoming should be an absolute last resort.

Cat dander and hair tend to stick, even after washing. As I said previously, I used to be allergic to people who owned cats, even if they had just changed clothes.

Realistically your partner can't move in with you. Two cats, a dog, two adults working from home and an autistic child all in a 3-bed terrace, one adult is allergic to the cats, the cats can't go upstairs or outdoors? And a gaming room!

Haven't your family told you how unworkable this is? Do either have you have autism yourselves? Neither of you sound grounded.

You need separate living space.

Gosh, do you not have clean clothing in the wardrobe? Oh dear, I’m sorry.

OP you’re getting a lot of unwarranted heat here imo. I think it’s actually v sensible of you to consider suggesting this to your DP. From the sounds of it, you’re allergic to cats, their roaming space will be significantly limited. They are indoor cats so they may struggle to adapt to this reduced size especially as they can’t go upstairs. Also they’re used to only sharing with one person never mind a large dog, energetic child and yourself. So already there’s concerns this may not work. In which case, it’s not a bad idea to start looking now as who knows there maybe a friend, family member happy to take them on in a more suitable environment but your DP goes halves on any future vet bills etc perhaps. No need for people to get hysterical lol as all you’re doing is considering the impact of the change on the cats.

Ah yes. I can absolutely see that he must strip off and wash all his clothing immediately if he goes round OPs, silly me 😅

I'm not frothing at all - but great job on a trying to pin that one on me 😄

Can either of you discuss this with someone with expert knowledge of cats and dogs who can look at this as the best interests of all the animals without sentimentality? Otherwise it becomes a conversation about your pet vs his pets. You then risk a compromise that sounds fair (eg trial run) that may be in none of the animals' interests if it means that the cats are moved twice and at least one move is stressful for them. I've had quite a few cats over the years and so have friends and family and, despite what a couple of posters have said and what cat owners want to believe, I've never seen much evidence of real attachment on their part, apart from for Siamese cats. Sure, other cats can run to you and be affectionate but it's usually when they want something - food, stroking - and they prefer some people over others. However they can adapt to different strokers/feeders but they do get distressed around territorial moves. In the wild, cats don't form the pack bonds that dogs do, but are strongly territorial. Therefore I think it does make sense for the cats to be rehomed now, rather than risk rehoming twice, but I'm not sure you're the best person to point this out to him.

The other thing to seek factual advice on is the potential long term effects of daily antihistamine. If there's a good chance you would no longer need it after a few months then that's important info that might suggest you can all adapt to living together. If you might later develop side effects/ intolerance to anti-histamine, then don't move the cats in and then out again.

When you introduce your dog, do it either in the cat's home or on neutral grounds.

Start with the dog on a leash and the cats confined in a carrier or crate so the dog can hear or smell them but cannot get to them. Treat the dog for behaving calmly around the cats. Once he is always calm, only treat him when he ignores the cats. Once he is ignoring them consistently, let the cats out but keep them occupied so they don't approach the dog and again treat the dog for ignoring them.

Start slowly like that, and you won't have an issue.

We had a rottweiler cross when we took in DH's cats. He adores them, but they're not so keen on him on account of how excitable he is, so they tend to stay out of his way in rooms he is not allowed into. I would give the cats a dog-free room to escape to.

We didn't have the option to do slow introductions. The cats came here very suddenly and no one had the headspace to attempt training them at the time, but things worked out; the cats chose their own space, and we keep the dog away.

Rotties are generally gentle and affable, so you should be fine.

This. Tell him before he gives up the lease.

You need to let him know before he moves in that this is a deal breaker. It’s not fair to tell him they you’re going to “try” for him to give up his home and then be forced to give up his cats.

Moving in together sounds like a bad idea to me. It sounds like he takes very good care of the cats so I can imagine doesn't want to part with them. You won't be happy living with animals you are allergic to but surely he will resent you if he has to rehome his pets. You are also assuming they will be easy to rehome; shelters are full of adult cats and it will be difficult especially if he wants them to go to a new home together and them he has no guarantee they will stay together.

YANBU

Rehome the cats. They would probably be happier to be rehomed now. If you weren't allergic, I'd suggest trying it with everyone together.

Hes been with the cats almost as long as with you and the cats are dependents of him that he choose and loves you are just the woman hes dating whose throwing demands... I would be careful about giving ultimatum, you might just find yourself losing.

You request is pretty shitty to be honest. Why on earth do you think your dog is more special than his cats?

You want him to, move in with you and your child and your pet into your families home where he has zero security (lets face it you are making it clear its YOUR home) so you can save more of HIS money for your wedding (because lets face it 90% of men would be happy to do the bare minimum of signing the paper then just a few pints in the pub)... whats actually in all of this for him? It sound like you benefit from everything.

I also wouldn't be moving a man I had only been with less than 3 years in with my vulnerable child.

I think YANBU as you’re allergic to cats. If you were not allergic I would’ve thought YABU.

I think if you are allergic then it would be a nightmare to move in two house cats to be honest. Sadly if you want to live with you he will have to rehome them. Has he got any family members who can take them on and give them a nice home?

This!
When I met my husband I came with 3 dogs and 2 horses all were non negotiable and it would never have worked if he had said no to any of them.