Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want fiance to get rid of his cats

759 replies

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:40

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

  • Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.
  • His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)
  • I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment
  • I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

OP posts:
LondonNootropics · 02/05/2025 12:22

I’d leave a relationship before I rehomed my cats or dogs. Shame on you.

Middlechild3 · 02/05/2025 12:21

Shoppingagain · 02/05/2025 09:47

How does your fiance feel about that?

Also I don’t see how you can live with cats if you are allergic to them not to mention the Rottweiler and small child. The whole thing seems like a bad idea all round.

I would end a relationship rather than give up any pet/s.

Thesoundofscience · 02/05/2025 12:21

Can you invest in a catio for the cats, or cat proof the garden? And keep your bedroom door shut but allow the cats into your partner’s office/gaming room for them to sleep in?

Original poster
ellie09 · 02/05/2025 12:20

Weefox · 02/05/2025 12:18

All I can say is - you sound incredibly selfish.

Our pets are often like family and to dismiss them is to dismiss the emotional ties they create. I wonder what your poor fiancé things about all this. He'd be wise to reconsider the upcoming marriage.

He was the one brought up the possibility of rehoming them before I had even thought about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
ellie09 · 02/05/2025 12:19

Constance1 · 02/05/2025 12:15

Well if you are so sure your dog is on his/her last legs, why not wait for the dog to go to doggy heaven before moving in together then? What's the rush to do it now if the situation is so tricky right now?

Show quote history

My dog is very healthy now. Their average life span is so low as they are bigger dogs, prone to getting certain types of cancer. This wont be evident until the dog is actually sick.

I say average life span, some can obviously live longer. My dog was the runt, so a bit smaller than average, so theres a possibility (thankfully!) that we get more years from her.

OP posts:
HonestAquaMember · 02/05/2025 12:19

@FloatingSquirrel that's simply not true - cats get just as attached to their owners as dogs do.

I live alone with my cat and he greets me every day when I get home from work. He sleeps next to me at night, sits on my lap in an evening when I'm watching tv. He wouldn't do well being rehomed.

Weefox · 02/05/2025 12:18

All I can say is - you sound incredibly selfish.

Our pets are often like family and to dismiss them is to dismiss the emotional ties they create. I wonder what your poor fiancé things about all this. He'd be wise to reconsider the upcoming marriage.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 02/05/2025 12:18

OMG do not confine the cats downstairs, that's cruel!

Cats need to find places to hide, underneath beds is usually an ideal place for them to do this. Allows them to feel safe and secure when they sleep (which cats do alot)

They're not dogs, their needs are different and you need to understand this and make allowances for them.

Don't be cruel..

Constance1 · 02/05/2025 12:15

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:57

Rottweiler's only live until 8-10 years usually, not 14 or 15. A quick google search would let you know this.

Show quote history

Well if you are so sure your dog is on his/her last legs, why not wait for the dog to go to doggy heaven before moving in together then? What's the rush to do it now if the situation is so tricky right now?

GoldBeautifulHeart · 02/05/2025 12:14

FloatingSquirrel · 02/05/2025 10:15

She's allergic to cats, and realistically cats don't care about their owners in the way dogs are attached to them. I prefer cats personally, because they're not as needy. But it would be far easier on a cat being rehomed than a dog.

Edited
Show quote history

Well you're wrong there. Cats do care about their owners. Mine does. She does pine if I aren't there.

Devonshiregal · 02/05/2025 12:11

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/05/2025 09:43

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

And would you?

Well if she LOVES her guy she would right? I mean how is it even a question if she’s allergic? She doesn’t need any of the other random reasons, she is allergic to cats so she can’t live in a house with a cat. If he chooses to stay living with a cat over her then he isn’t that into her. Really quite simple and the fact he didn’t get them rehomed when he realised she was allergic speaks volumes. And if he already knew she was allergic and got the cats anyway then she really needs to ditch him quick

BobbyBiscuits · 02/05/2025 12:11

You can ask. But I don't think I'd be able to live with someone who was allergic to cats. So I'd choose the cats personally.

Original poster
ellie09 · 02/05/2025 12:10

MidnightPatrol · 02/05/2025 11:53

Large dog known to have aggressive traits, living in small space with child, rehoming usually means there have been some issues in the dogs background. Children and dogs both pretty unpredictable at the best of times.

In any case, I think YABU to ask your fiance to get rid of his pets while keeping yours. You wouldn’t like having to give yours up I’m sure.

Show quote history

Google "Rottweiler breed traits" and see if it states aggressive?

Aggression is a trait in untrained dogs of ANY breed.

I got bit by a poodle once and seen a jack Russell attack another dog.

On walks, its the tiny fluffy dogs running up to mine and yapping in her face. My rottweiler just stands and lets them then walks away?

OP posts:
Rklap · 02/05/2025 12:09

This is difficult. The bottom line is that you do not want these cats for a variety of reasons. But they are his (presumably) adored and loved pets. So you are not compatible at the current time. If you believe that your dog is nearing the end of her life, then you could wait until she has died and then move your fiancé and his cats in.

TBH, it sounds chaotic. A smaller home with 2 adults WFH, lots of equipment, a child with ASD, 2 indoor cats and a big powerful dog. I would watch out for the impact on your relationship, not to mention the safety of the people/cats. I do understand that Rottweilers can be gentle dogs, but the problem is, if they are afraid or ill, their strength is massive.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 02/05/2025 12:09

Frequency · 02/05/2025 12:04

Rottweilers don't have aggressive traits. They're known to be gentle and affable, especially with their family and other animals. They used to be used to herd livestock.

Show quote history

A rehomed dog will always be a risk (a six year old was not quite a lockdown puppy, but may have missed key socialisation). A large dog will always be a risk.

My ILs unanimously agree that BIL's rehomed lockdown rotty isn't meeting my toddler, toddler is hyper as toddlers are, and the dog shows dangerous traits when confined or upset.

I certainly wouldn't choose one for a small terraced home anyway. I hate seeing active working dogs in cities.

godmum56 · 02/05/2025 12:09

how did either of you EVER imagine this would work?

TroysMammy · 02/05/2025 12:08

Hell would freeze over before I would comply with a request such as yours. I would rather be single than be issued with an ultimatum such as this.

Frequency · 02/05/2025 12:04

MidnightPatrol · 02/05/2025 11:53

Large dog known to have aggressive traits, living in small space with child, rehoming usually means there have been some issues in the dogs background. Children and dogs both pretty unpredictable at the best of times.

In any case, I think YABU to ask your fiance to get rid of his pets while keeping yours. You wouldn’t like having to give yours up I’m sure.

Show quote history

Rottweilers don't have aggressive traits. They're known to be gentle and affable, especially with their family and other animals. They used to be used to herd livestock.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 02/05/2025 12:03

Grammarnut · 02/05/2025 11:51

Oh, come on! Men who play games all the time are being childish. He doesn't need a separate room for it. 😁

Show quote history

Football is a game, and rugby, and tennis, you don't call sports players childish. Just because you don't like something you can't just deem it 'childish'. Why should adults have to give up what they find fun? I don't find it fun personally but I wouldn't demean others for it.

OP I think the cats need to become outside cats! Unless you're on a main road or they're rag dolls or something they'll be a lot happier.

longtompot · 02/05/2025 12:01

Grammarnut · 02/05/2025 11:51

Oh, come on! Men who play games all the time are being childish. He doesn't need a separate room for it. 😁

Show quote history

My dh is a gamer, as are our three kids, and for my own sanity as I am not one, they absolutely need their own room for gaming

ChampagneLassie · 02/05/2025 12:01

I don’t think you need a ton of reasons, the allergy is sufficient reason on its own. I agree that trying to move them will be stressful. I think much kinder to the cats to rehome them. I think a pair of two year old cats who are healthy and happy should be easy to re home.

Kubricklayer · 02/05/2025 11:58

Either all pets are rehomed or no pets are rehomed. If you are moving in together you are equals. You are no more entitled to keeping your dog than he is to keeping his cats.

SinkToTheBottomWithYou · 02/05/2025 11:57

OP is allergic to cats, why ask her why it is the cats that should be re-homed and not the dog? 🙄

abracadabra1980 · 02/05/2025 11:57

I wouldn't give up any pet, ever, for a new partner. I have an emotional bond with them, that was made for life. You should have thought about the potential difficulties of meeting a new partner with a pet before you got your dog, really.

MidnightPatrol · 02/05/2025 11:53

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 11:49

What basis is this on? A biased view on bigger dogs or articles from dogs attacking children?

My dog has been with young children from a puppy. She loves children.

He has also grown up from a young age, never unsupervised and has been taught how to respect animals spaces. Unlike some children I see who run up and start patting unknown dogs in parks!

Show quote history

Large dog known to have aggressive traits, living in small space with child, rehoming usually means there have been some issues in the dogs background. Children and dogs both pretty unpredictable at the best of times.

In any case, I think YABU to ask your fiance to get rid of his pets while keeping yours. You wouldn’t like having to give yours up I’m sure.

Swipe left for the next trending thread