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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want fiance to get rid of his cats

759 replies

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:40

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

  • Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.
  • His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)
  • I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment
  • I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

OP posts:
Luv2luv9 · 13/05/2025 09:41

@Thesoundofscience This makes it all OK and safe for the child too,especially if the Rottie becomes agitated and starts chasing the cats 🙄

Thesoundofscience · 13/05/2025 06:06

Love rotties.
Can you keep your dog preoccupied with treats while the cats are in view? Lots of very short bursts of the dog seeing the cats, but not being able to reach them, and becoming more interested in the treats than their presence. The dog needs to get used to seeing them around before being let loose, and they need to have an escape route, without the dog being able to chase. If the dog gets used to them, there’s no reason it can’t work if you do agree to letting them upstairs, but keep them out of your bedroom. They all need a space to get away from each other which helps as the dog isn’t allowed upstairs.
Also have you looked into catios or cat proofing the garden?

Original poster
ellie09 · 12/05/2025 22:19

LlynTegid · 12/05/2025 21:45

You have a Rottweiler. My sympathies end there and then. If you did not have a potential killer I would probably be understanding about why living with a cat is probably a non-starter.

I trust my dog more than most humans around my son.

OP posts:
Hulabalu · 12/05/2025 22:06

ellie09 · 12/05/2025 22:03

I was tested for ASD when my son was diagnosed as they were curious of a genetic link (he's first in our family)

I then went to GP about ADHD as once I learned more on it, the symptoms resonated with me. Ive always been depressed, had anxiety and almost "manic" episodes from a teen that were dismissed. They agreed it sounded a log like ADHD so I was referred.

My DP also has a sister with ADHD and says he can see a lot of how I behave us similar to his sister.

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Thank you

Original poster
ellie09 · 12/05/2025 22:03

Hulabalu · 12/05/2025 21:42

Out of curiosity, what made you think to get tested and how did you go about getting the tests. Asking for a friend 😁

Show quote history

I was tested for ASD when my son was diagnosed as they were curious of a genetic link (he's first in our family)

I then went to GP about ADHD as once I learned more on it, the symptoms resonated with me. Ive always been depressed, had anxiety and almost "manic" episodes from a teen that were dismissed. They agreed it sounded a log like ADHD so I was referred.

My DP also has a sister with ADHD and says he can see a lot of how I behave us similar to his sister.

OP posts:
Hulabalu · 12/05/2025 21:48

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 17:51

See, my dog is a lovable big lump who loves a cuddle! I am hoping it goes this way!

His cats are also very cuddly and sociable (they have never once scratched/hissed at any of us)

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I hope it works out for you all OP, whether you all move in together or not.
While your dog sounds well trained and good temperament, such breeds can still over power a human , a bit like keeping a tame lion I think . It may never attack but if it did a person stands zero chance. Let alone a cat.

LlynTegid · 12/05/2025 21:45

You have a Rottweiler. My sympathies end there and then. If you did not have a potential killer I would probably be understanding about why living with a cat is probably a non-starter.

Hulabalu · 12/05/2025 21:42

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 14:13

I'm on the pathway for an ADHD diagnosis. Not ASD, I have been tested for this very recently.

I have lots of energy so spend a lot of time out of the house, out and about (hence dog gets c. 2 hours exercise a day and I also do a lot of swimming etc). Then I usually curl up in the evenings in the living room with a book or watch some TV (which is only about 1-2 hours per day).

Im hybrid working, so I will likely work a bit more from office. Although, DP has put an extra desk in his space, in case I would prefer that. I think I would get too distracted whilst working though (and I have a lot of client calls I attend)

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Out of curiosity, what made you think to get tested and how did you go about getting the tests. Asking for a friend 😁

TheRubyPoet · 12/05/2025 21:34

Guinaviere · 12/05/2025 21:26

Don't you know there is cat food that eliminates the allergy response? The cats just need to eat it for about a month & you will no longer be allergic to them. Alternative to the cat food, is egg yolks (dried or fresh) that are from chickens raised around cats. It has the same effect of negating the allergy. The protein binds to the Fel-d1 allergen and the cats will no longer cause allergy response.

There are multiple ways you can be allergic to cats and some allergies are mild, some are life threatening. Stop telling people with serious allergies they can be stopped with cat food 🤦

Hulabalu · 12/05/2025 21:32

allmycats · 02/05/2025 09:54

Why have you got a Rottweiler in a small terrace house and also around a small lively child.. ?

Good question!

Guinaviere · 12/05/2025 21:26

Don't you know there is cat food that eliminates the allergy response? The cats just need to eat it for about a month & you will no longer be allergic to them. Alternative to the cat food, is egg yolks (dried or fresh) that are from chickens raised around cats. It has the same effect of negating the allergy. The protein binds to the Fel-d1 allergen and the cats will no longer cause allergy response.

CorbyTrouserPress · 09/05/2025 12:29

Luv2luv9 · 09/05/2025 09:18

It was far more than a hassle. This particular cat wouldn't give up on jumping into the pram. It became like a game & the babies parents couldn't relax. They were constantly worrying about chasing it out of the room & remembering to close doors. FWIW, they never 'got rid' of their cat. They gave it up to a cat lovers home & it settled well.

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Excuses

Luv2luv9 · 09/05/2025 09:18

CorbyTrouserPress · 08/05/2025 22:10

@Luv2luv9 Do you realise how many people have cats? What would happen if everyone got ‘rid’ of their cat just because they became too much hassle once a baby comes along?

I hope you and your brother never own another pet, you’re clearly not fit.

Edited

It was far more than a hassle. This particular cat wouldn't give up on jumping into the pram. It became like a game & the babies parents couldn't relax. They were constantly worrying about chasing it out of the room & remembering to close doors. FWIW, they never 'got rid' of their cat. They gave it up to a cat lovers home & it settled well.

Mum2EmLuJa · 08/05/2025 22:29

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:55

Average rottweiler life span is 8-10 years

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My Rottweiler lived till she was 13 so they can live a lot longer than 8 years-I think it’s just they can be prone to arthritis in hips

CorbyTrouserPress · 08/05/2025 22:10

@Luv2luv9 Do you realise how many people have cats? What would happen if everyone got ‘rid’ of their cat just because they became too much hassle once a baby comes along?

I hope you and your brother never own another pet, you’re clearly not fit.

Okiedokie123 · 08/05/2025 21:33

I dont think you are compatible as a couple. He has cats. You are allergic to cats. You have a large dog (which many would argue is of a breed that isnt suitable to be in a home with a young child). Cats and rottweilers are unlikely to be friends I presume? And there will be two of them vs your one dog. Plus you are fine for him to rehome his cats but wouldnt consider rehoming your (dangerous?) dog. It doesnt sound workable to me.
Re me saying a Rottweiler is dangerous - rightly or wrongly Id be unlikely to visit a friends home if they had one. If it was my child they would never go there for a playdate. Nope. So however safe you think/know your dog is you'll be reducing the number of friends your child has. (and yes I know they arent always dangerous....... but its a risk Im not willing to take)

Luv2luv9 · 08/05/2025 21:31

Luv2luv9 · 08/05/2025 21:24

Google it. It's there in black and white.

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A Ukrainian baby girl called Alexandra.

Luv2luv9 · 08/05/2025 21:24

FlakyCritic · 08/05/2025 21:10

.

Edited
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Google it. It's there in black and white.

FlakyCritic · 08/05/2025 21:10

Luv2luv9 · 08/05/2025 20:44

3rd December 2019 cat smothers baby 9m to death after being attracted to the smell of milk and jumping into the pram. One lapse of attention is all it woukd take. My brother and his wife made the right decision. The cat settled well into it's new home. What's the problem?

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.

Luv2luv9 · 08/05/2025 20:44

GoldBeautifulHeart · 06/05/2025 20:58

There would have been ways around it. They could have easily kept the cat from being in the same room when the baby wasn't supervised. Heard of doors? And if it was supervised then you can stop it happening. Cats can learn.

There are so many videos of cats being loving and gentle around babies.

I genuinely think it's great they gave it up. It deserved better 100%. Absolutely no reason to ever get one again if they cannot give it a home for it's whole life, not just when it suited them. They aren't the first parents with a newborn and a cat.

Show quote history

3rd December 2019 cat smothers baby 9m to death after being attracted to the smell of milk and jumping into the pram. One lapse of attention is all it woukd take. My brother and his wife made the right decision. The cat settled well into it's new home. What's the problem?

Luv2luv9 · 08/05/2025 20:35

Notenoughsweeties · 08/05/2025 17:36

Yes, people tend to dismiss allergies but they can be debilitating.

Also life threatening.

Notenoughsweeties · 08/05/2025 17:36

Yes, people tend to dismiss allergies but they can be debilitating.

Braygirlnow · 08/05/2025 15:57

TennesseeStella · 02/05/2025 09:46

Why should he re-home the cats if you're not willing to re-home your dog? Just because he is the one moving into your house? One dog will be easier to re-home than two cats.

Well if she has allergies to cats its not really viable to be moving them in, it's really easy to say "well if your not willing to rehome your dog then why should he rehome his cats" but it is different as its not the dog that's causing allergies. It's a hard one but it's not just a case of taking an antihistamine, my sister brought a cat into our home when I was a teenager I'm allergic and after 4 or five weeks of being told just take a antihistamine I ended up in hospital struggling to breath with an asthma attack brought on by the allergies.

4kids3pets · 08/05/2025 01:42

So if you won't compromise based on all his moving in etc then there's no point getting married as this is only a minor issue. Hubby had a dog he also is allergic to small pets fur and I had dogs cats and never would I have asked him to get rid of his. So he took antihistamines once he moved in and was fine

DisabledDemon · 08/05/2025 01:26

Well, I think you've been told. If it comes down to you or the cats, you're toast - better buy those antihistamines now.