To want fiance to get rid of his cats

Oh I agree. I have a dog and it's fine. Depends on what your allergic to I suppose.

You are being unreasonable. I wouldn't give up my dogs for someone's cats and I wouldn't expect anyone to give up their animals for me. They are family and not items to be discarded when they don't fit the current narrative (unless they are dangerous)

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

Then rehome your dog. Problem solved.

Oh wait. You weren't serious? Your dog is 'family' and his cats aren't?

I hope he dumps you.

You can. But my husband is much healthier now we no longer have cats.

He gets itchy as anything if I come back from dog visiting though.

Could you let the cats outside and get one of those things you put on top of the fence to stop them leaving the garden ? Although would have to have somewhere they could jump onto in the garden incase they are chased by a dog or a kid (obviously let them in your house too)

For me it’s very telling that you aren’t really prepared to try properly to make this work. If you were to have been keen to have them
move in, work hard to make it happen and it didn’t work out I’d have some sympathy. As it is you seem to be willing this to fail.

Hi. I'm asthmatic and allergic to cats. Anti histamine works well for me. You have to take them daily. As I have many other allergies as well. I.e hayfever. Rhinitus. I don't suffer my usual need to constantly puff on my pump.
Not saying this will work for you. Only that it works for me. I used to get a tight chest. Swollen eyes lips nose etc but now nothing. Can't stress the importance of daily usage though.

I have allergies to cats and have one as a pet, I always had them. I find after a couple of weeks of constantly being in the same house as one the allergy dies down.
That said if someone told me to get rid of my pets so they could keep theirs I wouldn't be moving in with them!

Sounds like you should just live apart for longer. If it takes longer to save for a mortgage so be it. He is daft if he capitulates to your demands to remove his pets.

Why does anyone buy a Rottweiler. Get a spaniel or a Labrador or a cockapoo instead fgs.

Got to be honest, I’d have ditched him the second he got the cats tbh - I have a cat allergy, which has resulted in hospitalisation.

Even if it was not that severe, I would not be taking tablets every time I had to see a partner. Just as I wouldn’t expect them to do likewise for my dogs (if I had gotten the dogs a year into a relationship).

I don’t say this often, but I don’t see this ending well when clearly no one can or will
compromise. You don’t ditch animals once you’ve made a commitment.

If you genuinely have an allergy to cats then YANBU.

But people with cat allergies don't always get a lot of understanding (trust me, I know). I wouldn't live with cats as they would make me ill every day.

He often buys things without really "thinking" until recently when we had started saving jointly and I had a harsh sit down with him and gave him a reality check.

Do you not see the problem here? Honestly? YABVU.

You live rent-free and, sorry, come across in your posts as entitled and expectant.

He does not live rent free, presumably is not wealthy, but still goes out of his way to take on the time and cost of homing unwanted cats; cats which you are now demanding he get rid of.

I know you are allergic, which does slightly change things, and I'm trying hard to be fair, OP, but I don't think the problem here is your partner...

I'm allergic to my two cats, and I take loratadine every day - it's fine. My doctor says it's fine too.

OP like you I couldn’t rehome my pet.

I am also not sure I could respect someone else who did that.

so I would recommend you continue living separately until one of you is pet free.

😂Sounds like every rottweiler I've ever met. More likely to jump at you and lick you to death than bite you! In reality you'll probably have a bigger problem with the cats than the dog. We've introduced our cats to my parents' dog and we have to keep the cat away rather than the dog. She'd definitely take a chunk out of him if she could! He (the dog) is terrified of her!

I do think the allergy is the bigger issue though as that is something that might be out of either of your control. Kindly, is your DP's house particularly clean? It might not be so bad in your house if it's regularly hoovered/cleaned. You could look into getting a HEPA filtration system if that might help. Wooden floors rather than carpets are better for animal fur of any kind.

(I did vote YABU but purely based on the phraseology of the question and OP - I think it should be workable in reality, other than the potential health concerns)

He often buys things without really "thinking" until recently when we had started saving jointly and I had a harsh sit down with him and gave him a reality check. E.g. he bought a huge drumkit that didnt get used then resold after a few months, and bought a large TV for "us" when he eventually move in but he forgot to measure it (it wont fit in my house)

You have MUCH bigger issues to think about than the pets.

Simple answer: you are allergic, so the cats can't move in. Either you don't live together or he rehomes them.
You cannot take daily antihistamines for years on end.
End Of.

However:
You are moving in to save money on his rent so that you can pay for a big wedding; HUGE mistake.
Have the wedding you can afford, and get married before you live together, otherwise you may find (as so many women before you have found out) that he is far less keen to be married when you are already living together.

You live rent free - what is the long term plan? What if you lost your current home? Does it belong to a family member? What is he bringing to the table financially? Does he work in a stable job? Does he want to buy a house together? If the relationship breaks down, how easy will it be for him to rent as a single person again? Will you be stuck with him unable to move back out?

From your comment pasted above, he appears to be financially irresponsible and a spendthrift, which are signs of immaturity.

He is also a gamer, to the extent that he has loads of equipment which need a whole room. - this would be a big turn off for me. Do you know how much time he spends gaming? How many hours is he doing it when you are not there? He will carry on with all those hours when you are living together, instead of doing his share of the housework and childcare. You will very quickly get very resentful.

As a step parent, he will be responsible for helping you care for your ASD child, and building a relationship with them - is he really "parent material"?

I would strongly recommend that you DON'T let him move into your place, at least for a good few years yet.
The MN term for what he risks becoming is "cocklodger".

If someone told me to rehome my cat I'd tell them to go to hell.
Op Yabu and selfish he should get rid of something but it's not the cats.

I think it could be considered odd the other way round!

@BellissimoGecko That won't resolve her allergic reaction to cats though.

It really depends whether she can fully alleviate it with medication or somehow develop a tolerance as other posters have said they have.

Why don’t you rehome your dog? You’re being totally unfair.

I suggest you don't move in together.

I don't think that you can move in together yet. My DH and one of our neighbors are both allergic to cats. Once we were all over at another neighbor's house who has one cat and they both had to leave after 30 minutes! Their eyes were swelling and streaming, coughing, ragged breathing, etc. I was surprised at how badly they both reacted. Luckily our family members tend towards dogs as pets or DH wouldn't be able to visit!

Unless you can find a medication that continuously alleviates the symptoms, of course.

If your partner works full time in the same room as he games on the computers ( gaming enthusiasts, whether autistic or not, tend to spend very long periods of time on their hobby), you and your son will hardly see him in the rest of the house. Won’t you start resenting that?