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Original poster

To want fiance to get rid of his cats

759 replies

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:40

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

  • Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.
  • His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)
  • I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment
  • I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

OP posts:
Luv2luv9 · 02/05/2025 17:25

MidnightMeltdown · 02/05/2025 17:15

I doubt it. People with these allergies usually get over it with enough exposure.

They don't. My sister has a dog & I tried everything to be in her house with the dog including exposure therapy,antihistamines the lot,nothing worked. Thankfully she understands & mostly we meet elsewhere or in my house.

Romeiswheretheheartis · 02/05/2025 17:25

I don't think confining house cats to the downstairs only of a small terraced house, alongside a rottweiler, is appropriate for them at all. They need far more space, including space to completely get away from the dog. They'll be stressed out by the move, let alone all the extras with the dog and the child. If this is the only option, I honestly think they'd be better off rehomed to another quiet home. My cats wouldn't cope with this and they're not even house cats.

Halfemptyhalfling · 02/05/2025 17:24

Some allergies it's possible to treat and get rid off. I would look into this to see if you can get rid of your allergy. Otherwise the cats will need to be rehomed as I don't think it's good to take antihistamines long term.

Might be better to re-home them now rather than move them two or three times and now they are still young

Loutina · 02/05/2025 17:23

Freeasa · 02/05/2025 15:40

Why does anyone buy a Rottweiler. Get a spaniel or a Labrador or a cockapoo instead fgs.

Show quote history

I inherited her - and she was a rescue before that. She needed a home, and I had one I was willing to give. It's difficult to know without a crystal ball but it's likely she would have been put down if I hadn't.

That's really all the justification I can give you, nothing more groundbreaking than that

Charlize43 · 02/05/2025 17:23

It's probably time he found a new fiancé... preferably a nice one who volunteers at the Cats Protection.

Bimblebombles · 02/05/2025 17:16

Not the point of the thread but no way would I be giving over my home office to a grown man so he can have a games room.

MidnightMeltdown · 02/05/2025 17:15

I doubt it. People with these allergies usually get over it with enough exposure.

TisILeClair · 02/05/2025 17:13

Imho the allergy is the deciding factor. YANBU.

MidnightMeltdown · 02/05/2025 17:13

justkeepswimingswiming · 02/05/2025 17:03

I’d expect your fiance to dump you tbh. they’re animals, not a piece of trash you get rid of.

This. Sick of people who treat animals as though they’re disposable. When your partner decided to get cats he made a commitment which could last up to 20 years. They are his responsibility.

I don’t know how you expect to rehome them either. Shelters around here aren’t taking in animals as they are all full with long waiting lists!

Ddakji · 02/05/2025 17:12

caringcarer · 02/05/2025 17:11

If anyone told me to re-home my kitties they would be the one to go not the cats. How would you feel if he suggested you re-home your dog? When to take on pets it is for their lifetime. Get a really high cat tree they can climb up away from your dog.

Good thing it was his suggestion then.

caringcarer · 02/05/2025 17:11

If anyone told me to re-home my kitties they would be the one to go not the cats. How would you feel if he suggested you re-home your dog? When to take on pets it is for their lifetime. Get a really high cat tree they can climb up away from your dog.

CharlotteLightandDark · 02/05/2025 17:06

Clarefromwork · 02/05/2025 15:58

Could you let the cats outside and get one of those things you put on top of the fence to stop them leaving the garden ? Although would have to have somewhere they could jump onto in the garden incase they are chased by a dog or a kid (obviously let them in your house too)

Was also thinking it would be best to allow the cats outside. Is there any special reason they’re indoor only eg FIV?

Luv2luv9 · 02/05/2025 17:04

We are all different. The idea of living with 2 cats and a rottweiler fills me with dread especially as there is a child involved. This won't be a popular response for domestic animal lovers but it's my response especially given I'm allergic to dogs. I wish you well OP but knowing what this tyoe of allergy induces I wouldn't tolerate it for a day.

justkeepswimingswiming · 02/05/2025 17:03

I’d expect your fiance to dump you tbh. they’re animals, not a piece of trash you get rid of.

RandomWordsThrownTogether · 02/05/2025 17:00

It’s a difficult one - I can’t see how you could live with indoor cats and allergies - unless they were to be outside during the day but even then it depends on how severe your allergies are. I wouldnt give up a pet to live with a partner but equally don’t see how you can live with them. Cats can live 20 years!

Keepsmiling2948 · 02/05/2025 16:53

I wouldn’t move in with you if I was your partner. Lots of references to ‘yours’ and ‘your families home’ etc. gives the impression he’s never going to be allowed to forget that and will forever live as a guest on eggshells at your mercy. No chance.

BruFord · 02/05/2025 16:52

Navyontop · 02/05/2025 16:05

If my partner asked me to rehome my cat, I would end the relationship.
Your allergies will disappear overtime, my sister is allergic to my cat but not her own 2 cats. This is very common.
Get a stair gate for one room, so the dog can’t get in and the cats have a safe space.
You sound incredibly selfish.

@Navyontop That’s interesting, does this happen to pretty much everyone?

I’ve always assumed that allergies don’t just subside like that in adults. I know that some children can grow out of allergies.

TwoFeralKids · 02/05/2025 16:43

I would put my cats before you first.

Aizen · 02/05/2025 16:42

You marry your Rottweiler
Fiance marries his cats.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Cherrypies · 02/05/2025 16:39

ThymeScent · 02/05/2025 10:10

Maybe just live separately till the dog dies since it only has two years left? Maybe agree that you put it down anyway aged 8. In the interim get his cats used to being outdoor cats.

Seriously, that's just awful, the dog may be an exception to the rule, it might go to 11/12, not unheard of.
Some people are just unbelievable Angry

MrsJoanDanvers · 02/05/2025 16:31

I think you are lucky your bf isn’t telling you he’s over it. Personally, I think he’s mad to entertain moving into a terrace with a boisterous dog and child-with or without his pets. But telling him he has to rehome them is pretty mean-and moving them in is pretty mean. What does your dc think of all this?

cherish123 · 02/05/2025 16:20

If he won't rehome the cats, you can't really live together.

Imbusytodaysorry · 02/05/2025 16:19

@ellie09 the cats sound be int he gaming too. As their space to start of . Keep them there for 6 weeks. Then open the door and let them roam around the house ( keep bedroom doors closed ) the cats will then decide how comfortable they feel wandering and at least they have their safe space to go back too. Once they have settled in their so not reason they can’t be outdoor Cats and yes you may find the dog steps out the way for the cats .
Get yourself some fexofenadine .
wash blankets regular

Favouritefruits · 02/05/2025 16:06

Keep the cats! Dump you. Sorted!

Navyontop · 02/05/2025 16:05

If my partner asked me to rehome my cat, I would end the relationship.
Your allergies will disappear overtime, my sister is allergic to my cat but not her own 2 cats. This is very common.
Get a stair gate for one room, so the dog can’t get in and the cats have a safe space.
You sound incredibly selfish.