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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want fiance to get rid of his cats

759 replies

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:40

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

  • Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.
  • His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)
  • I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment
  • I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

OP posts:
Lovecatsandwater · 03/05/2025 08:42

Why can’t you rehome your dog? You sound very selfish

TheGoogleMum · 03/05/2025 08:35

I was always allergic to cats until I got my own. The first few weeks I was still quite sneezy but it soon settled. So there is hope that you won't stay allergic at least!

SallyWD · 03/05/2025 08:32

This is so hard. I'm a cat lover and would never rehome my cat for someone else. He's part of my family!!
However, I'd also not move him into a small house with a rottweiler and lively kids. He'd be so stressed out and have no quality of life.
What a dilemma!

worrisomeasset · 03/05/2025 08:29

TheGrimSmile · 03/05/2025 00:57

Because dogs are closer to their owners than cats. I love all animals but it's clear that most dogs would be more distressed at being separated from their owner than a cat. Cats are more self reliant.

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You’ve not met my cat.

PfizerFan · 03/05/2025 08:14

Very unreasonable. Maybe you should rehome your dog.

Ally886 · 03/05/2025 08:03

I feel as though someone who lives in a family house rent free has little choice but to be entitled....

FlakyCritic · 03/05/2025 05:28

He needs to 'get rid of' you, not the cats. You are being selfish and unreasonable. You may need to face the fact that you are simply not compatible. And let each other go. I would definitely choose my cat over a man if he wanted me to get rid of my cat. He'd be told where to go fuck himself. Animals are not 'toys' to be 'rehomed' when you get a new girlfriend or boyfriend. Pets, are a LIFETIME responsibility. When you adopt a pet, it is for life. It's you that needs to go. Have the decency and respect to do that.

TheGrimSmile · 03/05/2025 00:58

I was ready to say yabu. But in your situation you are nit at all. It would be unfair on the cats.

TheGrimSmile · 03/05/2025 00:57

HonestAquaMember · 02/05/2025 09:47

Why is it that dog owners always think dogs come before cats? All three are dearly loved pets - why should he rehome the cats because you want him to? If you wouldn't rehome your dog, you can't expect him to rehome his cats.

Edited

Because dogs are closer to their owners than cats. I love all animals but it's clear that most dogs would be more distressed at being separated from their owner than a cat. Cats are more self reliant.

Bestfadeplans · 03/05/2025 00:27

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 21:43

His cats havent been rehomed. He got them as kittens. Its my dog who has had two homes before mine - previous owners and foster carers. Through no fault of hers may I add.

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You literally said: About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens

Are you now saying that's not true and that he bred them?

And you want his cats to now be in the position your dog was in? And for him to "get rid" of them?

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 02/05/2025 23:30

Grammarnut · 02/05/2025 20:35

I know. But spending your evenings playing Minecraft or whatever seems an utter waste of time. Find something more interesting to do? Read War and Peace or Tolkein, go and watch a film? And also gaming appears addictive in ways that playing football (or watching it) don't seem to be. To be discouraged?

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If it's causing harm then to be discouraged, although adults have the right to cause themselves harm if they so choose, as long as they aren't harming others. It seems a little like snobbery to be classing types of media as superior/inferior though? What is the point of media consumption - education and entertainment. Video games certainly provide entertainment, though it may not be to your taste. Education clearly not, but not everything needs to be educational!

TheCoralMoose · 02/05/2025 23:24

You are the unresonable one.

Mydogmylife · 02/05/2025 23:19

ThymeScent · 02/05/2025 10:10

Maybe just live separately till the dog dies since it only has two years left? Maybe agree that you put it down anyway aged 8. In the interim get his cats used to being outdoor cats.

You must be having a laugh! Agree to put a dog down at a specific time in the future because it suits you - absolute madness

StMarie4me · 02/05/2025 23:15

He needs to leave you.

Dutchhouse14 · 02/05/2025 23:13

My immediate reaction is that you are being very unreasonable.
However because

  1. He got the cats when you were discussing about moving in together
  2. You are allergic to them
  3. It doesn't sound like it will be a good environment for the cats.
Perhaps you aren't being as unreasonable as it first sounded. But bottom line is you've said you would not rehome your dog and your partner may well feel the same way about his cats. Sounds like it will be a difficult transition moving in together with autistic child, pets and small house. Lots of compromise and understanding will be required.
Cantstoptheshitshow · 02/05/2025 22:23

BruceAndNosh · 02/05/2025 10:09

You work from home but plan to turn your office into a gaming room for him??

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Gaming room?! No thanks. Can you put off the move in together for a while longer? You both love your pets, you have your child, he wants a gaming room. He wants a gaming room….

Plmnki · 02/05/2025 22:07

Strongly recommending the fiancé runs for the hills. At least he’s not yet moved in so he and his cats can continue to live in peace.

Scarlettpixie · 02/05/2025 22:03

Personally I would hold off moving in together until you don’t have the dog or can afford a bigger house in an area where the cats can go outside.

if you do go ahead, I think you should allow the cats the run of the house except your bedroom and keep the dog downstairs. The move and busier house/child/dog may be stressful for them and they will need some space away from the dog. You have to be able to separate them and can’t confine either the cats or the dog to one room! It will need careful introductions.

But no, you can’t expect him to rehome them (and I would think less of a partner who thinks animals are disposable).

Tollington · 02/05/2025 22:03

If I was him I’d stay where he is. You sound very selfish and entitled

GiddyCrab · 02/05/2025 21:46

I wouldn't move in together. You don't sound compatible, especially as you have an allergy to the cats.
Just keep your own places.

Original poster
ellie09 · 02/05/2025 21:43

Bestfadeplans · 02/05/2025 20:59

Erm 6 isn't even middle age.

And his two cats have already been rehomed once. Why does your dog trump his 2?

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His cats havent been rehomed. He got them as kittens. Its my dog who has had two homes before mine - previous owners and foster carers. Through no fault of hers may I add.

OP posts:
NaeRolls · 02/05/2025 21:42

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 15:43

You are aware that these breeds can also be aggressive without proper training and socialization as well, right?

Its not really a breed specific trait?

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True, but the problem is that if a power breed attacks, the damage is much more severe and much more likely to maim or kill than if other dog breeds attack.

Crazyworldmum · 02/05/2025 21:26

So you think 2 cats are a issue but not a giant dog ? Righttttttt

gamerchick · 02/05/2025 21:01

Always makes me laugh when people suggest 'watch a film' instead of gaming'. Like sitting staring at a screen is more superior to... Sitting staring at a screen and controlling what happens on it.

Bestfadeplans · 02/05/2025 21:00

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:55

Average rottweiler life span is 8-10 years

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Thats not true anymore. These days they live to 12-14