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Original poster

To want fiance to get rid of his cats

759 replies

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:40

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

  • Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.
  • His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)
  • I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment
  • I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

OP posts:
MsDitsy · 03/05/2025 19:26

My other half is very allergic but antihistamines to start with, then his body just seems to have got used to them. Have you room for a catio at yours? Honestly, I hope he doesn't rehome them and stays where he is. I sense you aren't keen on those cats and using allergy as an excuse to get rid and to be frank, you sound like a very selfish person.

Flatulence · 03/05/2025 19:26

I don't think you're unreasonable to be live to potential issues ahead of moving in together but I do think you're being completely unreasonable to think that rehoming the cats is anywhere near the top of the list of potential solutions.

Cats are not disposable when they become mildly inconvenient; they're living creatures and shelters are full to bursting with cats as people fail to realise this and expect charities to pick up the pieces when the pet is no longer convenient.

Even with an allergy, there are lots of options (various allergy treatments; air filters etc.) And with your child: this is a great opportunity to reinforce messages around respecting and being kind to all animals.

FamBae · 03/05/2025 19:25

I don't think you are being unreasonable. Dog aside, I don't think it's good for your health to continually take Antihistamine tablets. He really should have re homed them as soon as he realised you were allergic considering you were discussing plans to live together in the future.

carly2803 · 03/05/2025 19:21

you need to not move in together clearly. You cannot live with cats anyhow

Bestfadeplans · 03/05/2025 19:17

MamaLenny · 03/05/2025 15:50

I think he was unreasonable to get cats in the first place IF he knew you were allergic and wanted to be with you long term. The whole situation could have been avoided.

He didn't know

ToadRage · 03/05/2025 19:09

While I understand you POV re. allergies and dog, I would sooner rehome my husband than my cat. It honestly would have been a dealbreaker if he didn't want cat and nothing could make me want a dog. As for keeping the cats off beds, good luck, my cat goes wherever she damn well pleases and has claimed the guest bed as hers. No cat bed for this one, nope, she wants her own double bed in her own room

XVGN · 03/05/2025 19:09

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:40

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

  • Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.
  • His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)
  • I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment
  • I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

Perhaps just wait the two or three years out while your dog enjoys the rest of her life.

Would your dog be as protective of the children as this?

https://www.facebook.com/watch?v=1858506624992138

151K views · 2.6K reactions | Cat Keeps Little Boy Safe | This cat is acting very sensibly 😁 | By Fluffy Animals | Facebook

This cat is acting very sensibly 😁

https://www.facebook.com/FluffyOfficial/videos/1858506624992138/

Itsarecipefordisaster · 03/05/2025 19:07

I’m shocked you even want to suggest this to your fiancé. You know you wouldn’t rehome your dog but expect him to do that with his cats. I can’t help but think this relationship isn’t going to work if you’re ok with pressuring him to make that sacrifice

pollymere · 03/05/2025 19:04

I'm not sure rehoming his cats would be the best start to a marriage. He seems happy to accept your dog and disabled child. I think asking him to re-home his cats would cause resentment even if you are allergic. I guess he may have to choose between you or the cats in the long term but that's his choice to make, not yours.

ByDearBear · 03/05/2025 19:02

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 10:08

Thats the plan. I cant really think of any other solution. If I dont, I will be suffering 24/7.

The last time I forgot, my throat had started to close over.

Its not fiances fault, as I hadn't been around many cats in the past and had no clue I was allergic prior to him getting them.

Show quote history

You can have annual allergy injections that would mean you wouldn’t have to take medication everyday. There’s a small cost but it would be worth it not to have to rehome anyone.

Boreded · 03/05/2025 18:59

Also who wants a grottweiler instead of a cat - weird

Hotzenplotz · 03/05/2025 18:59

100% unreasonable.

Loutina · 03/05/2025 18:58

DBD1975 · 03/05/2025 18:43

Re-home the cats, they would be much better off in a home where they were loved and wanted. Having said this if I was your partner, faced with this ultimatum I would choose the cats every time.
This is a recipe for disaster which is best avoided and I say this as someone who adores my dog and my cats and would never re-home either.

Has no one read the thread?? He got the cats when he they'd already been dating for a year and in FULL knowledge that when they moved in together this wouldn't work.

The dog was already owned by OP when they met - he KNEW that.
She is allergic - he KNEW that.
The house doesn't lend itself well to 3 animals - he KNEW that.
They were planning to move in together in a couple of years - he KNEW that.

And yet he got them anyway. And now everyone is having a paddy because all of a sudden everything that was always going to happen has come to pass and now they're shouting that OP should be the one to re-home her dog apparently based on the poor decisions her fiance made.

She isn't petulantly demanding he gets rid of his cats out of the blue. He always knew this was going to be the situation!

And as for 'you should get rid of the dog' - why is it OK to use the dog to score points? If rehoming is so heinous it can't be considered for the cats, surely it's just as awful to do it to the dog. Who is a completely innocent animal, just like the cats are.

Lavenderblue11 · 03/05/2025 18:58

SmoothRoads · 02/05/2025 10:04

Your allergies, having a dog and thinking of moving in together is not the fault of the cats. Like children, they do not choose their owners. Owners, however, do have an obligation to the animals they adopt. Shelters are already full with animals who had feckless owners who dumped them when it became inconvenient.

This.

smilingontheinside · 03/05/2025 18:58

Sorry but I'd give up on you before giving up my animals. Someone who can take in and care for strays etc is a good person. Someone who expects them to give them up to suit their lifestyle is not. Think he needs to find a new partner!!

Boreded · 03/05/2025 18:57

I would suggest he gets rid of you.

you can’t ditch an animal just because your partner does like them or is allergic.

ForLemonDeer · 03/05/2025 18:55

How is a 6 year old dog nearing the last few years of it's life?!

Kirstk · 03/05/2025 18:54

Potbear · 02/05/2025 10:04

No, I don't think you should ask him to re home the cats. But I do think it says a lot that he got them after you had been together a year. I'd start looking into what medication/injections work for you long term and get that sorted before you even consider it.

In the meantime, wait for your dog to die.
As you said, it's not very long away.

I really wouldn't move a man in with my autistic child after three years. This gives you time to sort the allergy, get DC comfortable with the whole thing and solves the doc/cat issue.

Nothing says he isn't child's dad. If he isnt 3 years isn't a quick relationship it's long term so why shouldn't she?

WhichWaytoHere · 03/05/2025 18:52

For the allergy you can also try a pet dander remover spray, air cleaner etc.

Caravaggiouch · 03/05/2025 18:46

I wouldn’t want to move my cats in with a Rottweiler but the answer to that is not moving in together. Tbh I’d probably tell you to get to fuck for thinking that your dog is more important than my cats, hopefully he’ll do the same.

tempname1234 · 03/05/2025 18:46

We have had dogs and cats, in various combinations.

it can work. Firstly try the introduction. Then, the animals all live down stairs. Use stair gates to keep the cats downstairs. If you ca use a stair gate to keep all the animals out of your living room you get mod of the house cat hair free.

if it doesn’t work, the cats live upstairs and you block off your bedroom from the cats with stair gate. This way almost all the house is cat free.

provide the case that cat tree, scratching post etc.

Kirstk · 03/05/2025 18:43

Cats take up a lot less space than a rottweiler

ByDearBear · 03/05/2025 18:43

Perhaps you should consider rehoming your dog? You clearly don’t feel that pets are part of the family since you expect him to just give up his cats because its “too hard work” to acclimate everyone to a new living situation. You do realise that it’s not all about you once you're married, right?

DBD1975 · 03/05/2025 18:43

Re-home the cats, they would be much better off in a home where they were loved and wanted. Having said this if I was your partner, faced with this ultimatum I would choose the cats every time.
This is a recipe for disaster which is best avoided and I say this as someone who adores my dog and my cats and would never re-home either.

Remona · 03/05/2025 18:41

Honestly, this sort of post really grinds my gears (and I say that as very much a dog lover).

This has nothing to do with whether you're allergic to them or not. Your dog does not trump his cats. You either take antihistamines, which is no hardship, or you come up with a compromise. You can't assume that as you had the dog first, that takes precedent because that's just not fair.