Urgent advice needed, am I being crazy or is DP trying to f*** me over

Why not apply for adoption then? I can see how she feels very unsettled and it’s all very well having your word for it, but the security of adoption would surely help?

It's no different than a man who was not on the birth certificate and doesn't have an order conferring joint parental responsibility demanding to have child benefit signed over to him so he can claim UC and get a two bed council flat (as they wouldn't get one as a non resident parent either).

It means you'd lose your benefits because she would be legally the parent with care and would be able to claim child support from you. So you'd lose the house as you wouldn't be able to pay the mortgage/rent on just your wage, no CHB, no UC and having to pay her maintenance from your salary.

If she wants JPR, she needs to apply for it through the courts, along with an order for where your child lives/contact. Essentially, she needs to start a custody battle with you and is trying to coerce and gaslight you into not realising it.

Both our BMI had to be under a certain number and non smoking. She did not quit smoking and her BMI was big

But that wouldn't prevent her adopting the child so you were both legal parents?

Does the child stay with her regularly, is she behaving as a parent? Has she given up smoking?

Morally think you need to give her some formal recognition of being the child's parent. You say she wasn't able to go on the fertility journey but that's not really relevant IMO because you still chose to override the decision and make her a mum to your child for 7 years and plan to keep her involved. Plenty of people have kids with unsuitable people and you aren't planning to end contact. She and your child deserve that formal stability. Imagine being in her shoes on that one.

As 60/40 primary parent, no you shouldn't sign over child benefit.

Don’t do it OP, this will end very badly for you if you do. Suggest going low contact for bow and only agree to any contact via text or email to ease the pressure on you.

At the moment you need to relocate to somewhere suitable for you and dc.

Don't let the relatives pressure you. You have agency and they can't make you do anything you don't want to do. You have all the cards anyway, being the sole legal guardian of DC so it's them who should be playing nice not pressuring you.

However I also wonder this: What do you mean she didn't meet the criteria for the fertility journey?

What criteria is that? My friend co-parents and is on the birth certificate for a DC that her female friend had. Both gay but they were never a couple, just friends, and that was sufficient for her to be there for the whole 'fertility journey' and still raising the DC many years later, sharing responsibility legal and practically. So for you to say this didn't happen even though you were a couple kind of sounds more like you f'd your partner over. Why didn't you put them on the BC?

You aren’t together any more so you can’t get involved in solving any of her problems. Even the most benign thing could build future dependence.
Show good will by demonstrating what you are doing to ensure her continued relationship with the child if that’s a worry, but don’t do anything else.

@TravisRains yes she is trying to fuck you over.
If you transfer the child benefit to her (not entirely sure you could as she has no legal link to the child) she will be considering primary carer for your dc. This means she gets UC for your dc not you.
If you agree to her having parental rights/adoption she can go yo crt for full custody and with her being in reicept of the cb she will be considered the resident parent already and you could lose custody or residency.
Then there's the fact that if she has PR she can stop you moving or changing school, even going on holiday abroad would need her permission.
Basically what I'm saying is there's no up side in doing what she wants for you only serious problems whereas it's all upside for her, extra money a council house and a way to control you. Stick to your guns and tell her to do one.

No don't do it please! Don't give in

Why can’t she get a one bed rental & sleep on the sofa when child comes to stay?

Don’t do that, it’ll effect your uc claim you won’t be able to get universal credit child element for him if she claims child benefit. It’ll confuse things a lot you might end up with no money while they investigate and it can take months.

I could be totally wrong on this, hopefully someone more knowledgeable can answer from experience, but I don’t think that would help her get a property as NRP anyway. Only think this because my friend isn’t entitled to apply for a bigger property for her stepkids (partner is on BC). Either way, don’t shoot yourself in the foot to help her, you’ve got to put you and dc first. She needs to try and get a private rental, a one bed flat would be fine, she can share with dc or sleep in the lounge when she has them.

What do you mean she didn't meet the criteria for the fertility journey?

Do not transfer it. She will need to figure out her own situation. She can apply for a formal custody arrangement taking into consideration your special circumstances. If I were you I would start making friends and getting a support circle away from her and her family

Absolutely do not do it, no way. You are the primary parent, you will affect your UC claim and lose the CB money. She will have to just sort her own shit out.