Urgent advice needed, am I being crazy or is DP trying to f*** me over

Why did you never let her adopt or get parental responsibility? She’s either his second parent or she isn’t. I have lots of friends who are in different set ups and all have gone on the birth certificate as second partner. The non donating spouse never needed to meet the clinic criteria if they were replaced by a enrol your clinic sound really harsh to deny a child their parent security.

Don’t do it!

@TravisRains Child Benefit and the child element of UC are designed to be paid to one parent, usually the one with the main responsibility for the child - that's you. If you allow your ex to start claiming CB instead of you, the DWP will, not unreasonably, assume your ex should also be receiving the child element of UC and take it away from you. Why would you choose to lose money when you have your DC 60% of the time? I wouldn't do this for her at all. Your ex's housing situation is her responsibility and she shouldn't be using your child to improve her prospects (which aren't guaranteed anyway) and which would also lead to a drop in your income. Please don't do it.

There is plenty to stop an application for PR. OP's ex is not on the birth certificate, is not the second female parent and OP's posts suggest she is not married to her or in a civil partnership with her. She is therefore unable to get PR.

Does your ex pay child maintenance, by the way?

Nothing to stop an application for this: https://www.gov.uk/parental-rights-responsibilities/apply-for-parental-responsibility

Absolutely do not in any way sign over child benefit to her or cooperate with a process to allow her to have parental responsibility. You are the appropriate person to have full and sole PR - and you can and will continue to facilitate an ongoing positive relationship between the child and your ex, but it would be irresponsible to sign away any of these rights. It's OK to be sympathetic to her plight but to nevertheless put your child's needs first, and your child's needs would not be best served by complying with any of these suggestions.

Can you write up a formal agreement of childcare split acknowledging that she has him 40 percent of the time and get the signatures witnessed by a professional? There are quite a few templates online for family arrangements.
That would give her something formal as evidence without doing the child benefit change…

Absolutely do NOT do it. It’s not as simple as just losing CB, you’ll also lose UC elements and potentially be a lot worse off financially on top of it taking a long time to sort out and a huge fight later down the line to try reverse it. Don’t bow to the pressure, you have to do what’s best for you and DC.

Offer to provide a letter confirming her relationship to the child, the current custody agreements and then let her sort herself out. Instead of pressuring you perhaps her family could be helping her find accommodation instead. (Private rentals, help with funds, guarantor etc).

Why won’t you just give her the parental responsibility agreement she asked for? It is a fairly simple process.

There was a fairly similar case
where the biological mother refused access and to agree to a parental responsibility agreement after a split. Parental responsibility and a CAO were granted so it is likely that your ex would be granted parental responsibility even if you don’t consent as she has raised your DC as a parent for 7 years.

It wouldn't.

They need a legal responsibility to the child otherwise anyone could say it.

Step parents (which ops ex essentially is) don't have legal rights unless they go to court and get them.

Absolutely do not let her adopt your child and don't start messing around with transferring child benefit etc. Ultimately, she is not your son's parent. She was your partner when you had a baby.

Could you write her a letter to take to the council confirming her relationship to your child and what agreements you have in place? may help with the housing situation

No don't do it

Another here saying don’t do it! Be prepared to seek legal advice if necessary.

I think if you were still in a relationship you would be unreasonable not to arrange the adoption but she could have organised it at some point over all the years. Marriage before the fertility treatment would have made him hers as well. Yet she was happy to leave you with all responsibility for all these years, and to leave your child unprotected if something had happened to you. It seems she wants help to get accommodation primarily and not because she’s putting the child first.
I would let the child choose at some point whether they would like to be adopted by their other mother but I wouldn’t connect it to your expartner’s financial issues.

Don't do it.

I know someone who did this, they had two kids, she kept the house, he was sofa surfing, she transferred CB to him for 1 dc to help get a council house, which he did, then proceeded to claim UC, and maintenence for that child, and it took almost 2 years to sort out, all the while she had majority of time with the kids and he was getting UC, CB and maintenence, it was a mess.

This wouldn;t help her to get social housing as your child is 'adequately housed.' If your daughter is housed twice then another child may not get housed at all.

Please see an advisor or the CAB.

Keep the CB, it should be with the resident parent which you are. Not used to defraud any systems or prove you won't "take him away". Even if you wanted to transfer it do they allow you to transfer to someone who is not legally responsible for the child?

You do need to consider her legal responsibility/standing for the child for now and in the future.

If something happened to you she would not automatically become the child's parent. You might not be able to claim formalised financial support if you need it. Can she make decision on the childs behalf if you are not available? - doctors, hospitals if no parental responsibility etc. Surprised this was not all sorted out 7 years ago when the child was born.

Echoing everyone else - don’t do it! No matter how much they pressure you, stand firm.

Leagally he is your child. Transferring the child benefit could be seen as fraud, as she has no formal rights. It would also impact your Universal Credit because you need a child benefit claim to get the extra amounts (only one person per child can claim) and she could take that away from you in a counter claim. Getting child benefit also ensures your NI contributions continue even if your work hours reduce or stop.

Whilst I’m sure everyone wants your DC to maintain a relationship, you are free to move elsewhere if you choose. This is more difficult for exes when they both have parental responsibility and rights, but as she doesn’t you can move nearer your support network and/or further from hers if they continue to pressure you. I’m not suggesting hundreds of miles away, but a bit of distance and less rural might help you stay strong.

DON’T DO IT. Her financial issue, and the current consequences, have never been your responsibility and are even less so now.

It might stop her adopting. Part of the adoption process is that you are in good health, don’t do or have anything that will impact your ability to provide long term care and stability for a child. It also takes into consideration your mobility, your ability to take part in children’s activities etc. Smoking is also a big no no for potential adoptive parents

Do not give up the Child Benefit, you risk your entitlement to the child element of UC.

Do not do this. Don't even think about it.
Do not try to game the system it will bite you on the arse.
You are the one currently getting benefits and you have all to lose.
There is nothing for you to gain by doing this.
Just say no.