Urgent advice needed, am I being crazy or is DP trying to f*** me over

Although you and your partner were a couple at the time of fertility treatment, she wasn't actually part of the process. However, she has presumably helped you raise your son, and treated him as her biological son? Don't allow your ex partner to claim CB. You are his Mum and primary carer. Legally you can do as you wish, because he's your son and she has no parental responsibility. Morally, that's different, she is his Mum too, regardless if she's on the BC or not, so you should try to co-parent. Don't allow yourself to be pressured by your exes family, they don't have yours or your son's interests at heart. Most likely they just want your ex off their sofas and out of their hair.

@TravisRains No, I wouldn’t make any changes regarding your child and current legal status. I’ll be blunt…you may right now be in an amicable position with your ex partner, but have you considered what would happen if that changed? You would be unnecessarily attached to her for the next 11ish years.

Leave well enough alone and let her figure out her own finances.

Don't transfer the child benefit. Do not do it.

Absolutely insane to even entertain this thought. She is using your kid to leverage a house with money that is for your kid.

She has come out of this relationship with nothing. She has no rights over the child, no house. Doesn't sesm very fair to me. Maybe you need mitigation to sort this out.

Calm down 🙄

@TravisRains

I'm not going to weigh in on UK law. But I will say to do absolutely nothing until you have received legal advice AND that you clearly understand all the implications of any action she is asking you to take on your income, on your child, on your life.

And I know you said you have no support where you are now. I'm rural and I know it can be more difficult to find social 'outlets, but it can be done. Finding friends & support of your own will lessen the pressure you may feel from her family. Remember "They're not the boss of you". If you have to cut contact with them to keep your own agency, do so.

How do you propose to handle custody if she has no legal rights to the child

Don't do it. When we split due to my kids dad cheating, he asked me to let him claim 1 of the kids lived at his so he could get UC. I told him to do one.

btw why are you referring to her as DP in your title ?

Just say No.

Why give up your child benefit that enables you to get a top up from UC? She has had seven years to adopt your child to formally be recognised as a parent. You can’t afford to lose any benefits just so she can try to get a place to live, your not together so it’s her problem not yours

I probably don’t understand it

but as far as I can tell you are the biological parent and no other parent named on the BC.

this partner has been in the child’s life 7yrs.

you may have a second partner you live with say for another 7yrs who is equally as unrelated biologically.

hypothetically, would the child then have to split their time equally between your 2 partners and you?as that partner would have same rights as first.

as you need benefits to top up salary you need the CB in your name.

You ended it with her so why would you now get more involved in her desires, problems or life in any way? What her family wants is irrelevant. You don't need to even discuss it with them. Just block them.

You don't know how this could work against you in the future so I wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole! Whatever the deal was during your time together should remain the deal after your time together.

And definitely do not transfer or do anything with the child benefit. Far better for the child as they are residing with you.

It sounds like she and her family have a plan, whilst I am not the paranoid sort, you are in a very vulnerable position. You have no support network or family. You are on your own with a child.

Consider all options, including moving to have more support.

Don't do it, she can use this to screw you over further down the line with regards to parental responsibility etc

This.

Child benefit is the "gateway" benefit for all other child related benefits, eg child element in UC, DLA if the child is disabled etc. OP would lose the child element, and the UC would go down or stop.

I also think that the bedroom entitlement for housing costs would reduce by one bedroom, so the LHA rate would go down, leading to a further reduction in UC.

It's an area where benefit rules don't reflect real life. And it's a bummer for separated parents who genuinely want to share the parenting 50/50 but are on low incomes.

She is absolutely trying to screw you over, or at least game the system. But you will be worse off without the CB, which is for you to use for your child.

Do not under any circumstances sign this over to her.

Really, is it not?
You think that the woman recorded on the birth cert is the woman who didn't get pregnant and give birth, and instead the woman who did give birth was left off?

In the seven years you were raising your dc together did she want to adopt or formalise her relationship to him at all?

It would be a hard “no” from me on the child benefit. It’s supposed to go to you why would you even consider giving her your child’s money?

Same sex couple here who underwent IVF. If only one woman is undergoing treatment they don’t both have to fit the criteria, only the one undergoing treatment.

I’m assuming the OP is saying this is the criteria for reciprocal IVF (ie using one woman’s eggs and the other woman carries).

Fucking hell don't do that OP. Child benefit is a gateway benefit. It'll affect your UC claim. She'll be doing all of the claiming. Tell them all to fuck off and block any numbers.