DH & sex

He's not a good husband.

He laid there on the sofa all day and watched you, pregnant and in pain, and exhausted, do every single task and run yourself ragged. He was too sick to do anything all day .Then, after lazing all day, he was magically all better and wanted sex and doesn't appear to understand consent and has a tantrum that after working yourself to exhaustion, would dare to say no. And this is soon after a golf trip where he left you to do everything.

He's a lazy fuck and his refusal to accept that you can withdraw consent for sex at any time is disrespectful and ignorant. He is doing the least possible and damn, it's next to nothing, to keep you around. He feels entitled to use your body. He's sexually coercive.

Explain to him the concept of foreplay. Acting like a loving partner during the day who shares the workload rather than a sofa lounging limpet is more attractive and you are less likely to be completely physically and mentally wiped out. He also needs a complete reset. with regards to sexual consent. He got mad and went on and on at you hoping to get you to change your mind. As if you would suddenly be aroused by his temper tantrum. He knows you're having sex you're not even really into right now, but he doesn't care.

He's not a great husband at all, he's treating you like a defective sex doll

does he understand how much you are in pain? I mean really understand?

my DH had a chronic pain condition, but used to try to work through and be strong and keep going. And I often didn't realise how much pain he was in until he collapsed or suddenly had a big moan of "ive been in pain all day and you didn't help". but I genuinely couldn't see that he was in pain - it was not obvious in his face or actions because he was actively getting on with chores. now we have both learnt that he needs to explicitly communicate his pain and ask for help instead of just pushing through.

In future, I'd recommend acting-up your pain instead of suppressing it. Tell him "my back is bad today, can you to X". Stretch and moan awkwardly. be explicit about what you need.

he is still entirely wrong to be grumpy about lack of sex. but it will be easier for both of you if you communicate about your pain clearly.

He behaved like a dickhead.

Men who sulk about sex just give me the ick. No wonder you didn't feel like sex.

He’s not a great husband.

Anyone has the right to change their mind about sex at any point. Of course nobody who, in the morning, says 'Let's have sex tonight' can possibly expect that to be a guarantee.

I certainly think there are times when certain people use that right to manipulate or humiliate a partner, but that is clearly not what you were doing here; you've done absolutely nothing wrong and he's behaved like an absolute twat.

Someone needs to watch the tea video. Consent can be withdrawn at any time. Allowing that people change their minds about sex is a basic part of not being a rapist.

This guy needs a reality check.

On what planet would you remotely be in the mood after he laid down watching you do everything all day, despite knowing you were struggling?

Entitlement doesn’t even cut it!

I'd ask him, what he wants you to do, if you feel like sex that day in the morning, but by the time it's evening you really don't feel like it for any reason like you're in pain, don't feel well, or just gone off the idea.

Is he really saying that just because you thought you'd feel like it later, that you should stick to it, even though you don't want to? That you should force yourself to do sexual acts that you don't want to do, just to fulfill a plan or so that he can sleep?

Did he not do the consent classes at school where its made clear consent can be withdrawn at any time including (shocker!) after sex has already started? Does he really not think that you should have the free will to change your mind?

I’m sorry you are suffering and I agree with all the previous posters’ points of view.

Your husband is not a good husband and MN is full of stories like yours. Try to picture your future with this lazy man and meanwhile top up your running away fund.

As suggested above, go see an osteopath for advice and hopefully help. I hope it’ll make a massive difference. Good luck with your confinement (and his sexual expectations) afterwards.

I'd have told him to fuck right off and once he's done that to fuck off again.

Blimey! You’re very nice about it. I’d be stone cold furious in your shoes. Changing your mind is allowed. Watching you do everything….. really? Man flu strikes again, funny how women never get it.

Good dads don't let their pregnant wife run around doing everything while in pain. Good husbands don't sulk and complain about sex. And good adults don't need asked to do things around the house, they do what needs done because they also live there!

When I was pregnant I did not want sex even once for the entire pregnancy and then several weeks after while I recovered from C-section. Do you know what DH said? Nothing. Sometimes a bit of a disappointed "ok" but then acted like an adult and moved on. It wasn't an issue. DH didn't shrivel up and die because of it.

Raise your bar.

Also, I'm sorry you are suffering and have such an unsupportive husband.

Major ick. He doesn’t have an ounce of respect for you does he?
Sulking and moods are a major turn off. It is manipulation too. I’ve had this experience. When you end up finding someone who respects you and treats you well, it really highlights the differences in previous relationships and guess what, you will be happier for recognising that this is not right.
Hope your symptoms improve!

what a prick

Your DH sounds like a dick

Also, find an osteopath with experience with pregnant women, it will make a huge difference to your back and hips.

Apart from this, he’s a great Dad and Husband (when he’s not unwell) and will absolutely hoover or mop or do whatever I need doing if I ask him.

He is a not a great dad. He is manipulative and lazy and you shouldn't have to ask him to clean up after himself. He is an adult living in the same house and he should do these things without prompting.

I am sorry, OP, but your husband is an asshole. Please, allow the scales to fall of your eyes and to see this man for who he really is, a user and a manipulator who does not give a damn about you or his own children that he decided to have with you.

With the exception of him, I feel sorry for your all. You deserve so much better.

What a prize prick, he’s not a great Dad or husband

Of course you have the right to change your mind and say no.

He sounds like yet another self centered selfish man.

Tbh given your health issues, the fact you have a 2 year old and your pregnancy issues I'm amazed you say him going off for a 4 day jaunt with his male friends didn't bother you. He is supposed to be your life partner and care about you, and care about his child and his unborn child. But having a good time with his pals obviously was more important.

Tbh his behaviour when he came home. - leaving everything to you and expecting sex on demand - doesn't come as much surprise since he obviously doesn't care about you and your wellbeing and needs OP.

It doesn't sound like a marriage of equals.

You can change your mind whenever you like! Even if you “promise” someone sex all day long, make all the overtures, and all that, you are 101% in your right to change your mind and just say actually I don’t want to anymore with no consequences or manipulation. Once you realise that you gain your power and autonomy over your body.

Also with SPD please switch to home delivery for a while - or at least click & collect. Pushing a trolley (especially with toddler in tow) will really make that worse. Please look after yourself.

Men who sulk about sex are pathetic animals, just have a wank FFS! You are pregnant, in pain and ill. Twice/once a week is amazing in the circumstances

Apart from this, he’s a great Dad and Husband (when he’s not unwell) and will absolutely hoover or mop or do whatever I need doing if I ask him.

This is not a great husband.

Why do you need to ask him? Can't he see? Doesn't he ever take it upon himself to just do stuff, like you do.

Him being a parent, having a cold and being on the sofa all day watching his pregnant wife doing everything while in pain is disgusting behaviour.

His little tantrum about sex would be enough to make me never shag him again.

Flowers and bath running do not make a good husband.

So he’s getting it twice a week whilst you’re in serious pain, he needs to get over himself. Most women in that level of pain and recurrence of thrush wouldn’t be up for even that.

On offer of sex in the middle of the day is in no way binding. What a jerk to say that.

As for not lifting a finger all day. What a prince.