To feel if they say no that I may as well bloody well give up on working? And that women are still having to make the compromise?

Surely some of the blame needs to be directed at the crap fathers who don’t step up.

Also @AnwI are you suggesting that you will then WFH in the evenings once your DD is home. With no other adult in the house the workplace might not like that either.

Any chance of an after school nanny?

I don’t think it’s fair to say this is some kind of vendetta against women, children have two parents and it’s up to those parents to figure out who can do pick ups and drop offs etc, that’s something you accept when you have a child, it’s not up to an employer to facilitate that.

If your stance is that all women should have the flexibility they want as mothers then where do you see that ending? Your employer has to say yes to you finishing at 4pm because you need to collect your child and don’t want to pay for a childminder, no problem. But wait, now the mum teachers who run your after school club want to finish at 4pm too, they have kids to collect and if you don’t want to pay a childminder then they don’t see why they should have to either, so now your 4pm finish doesn’t help because after school club finishes at 4pm so you need to leave at 3pm. You need to pop into the corner shop on the way home but actually the woman who works there also has a child, she’s now stopping work at 3:30 to collect her child from school so the shop is closed… where does it end?

The reality is we all have jobs, we can’t all have all the flexibility we want and it’s not up to an employer to facilitate our childcare.

You have to do what every other working parent has to do - childcare. My kids were in after school club as both their dad and me worked.

I have a childminder who works 7-7 which means I can collect DD feom her at around 6. Why would you DD have to be driven home if at a local childminder - you would just pick her up from there rather than school. My DD lover her child minder, she gets fed well there and gets to play with the other kids

Just get a local childminder to collect your child and pick her up from there at 6 like most normal working parents do. This isn’t the drama you’re making it out to be

Have you looked into whether any childminders have space? They usually collect your DC (along with others from same school) and walk or drive them back to their own house and you collect DC from there after finishing work.

After school nanny would be the case where they are collecting only your child and driving them back to your own house. This will be more expensive as they are only looking after one child rather than multiple.

Are you sure you want a job when you are expecting to be available and work late into the evening every evening though? If you are a single parent without help from DC's dad how will you manage after school activities, meals, bedtimes etc?

I would look into a childminder for her

I hear you, no it’s not the company’s responsibility but a bit of flexibility goes a long way to keeping women in the workplace. We look at subsidised childcare as a resource to support women in work but when children are in school it’s all on mums (typically) to make things work if they want to progress. I’ve needed a variety of working arrangements in my working life - luckily my profession can’t afford to push women out so I’ve always managed to negotiate what I need but it’s harder than it needs to be.

Ok so that’s a bit different then. If they’re expecting you to be constantly available in the evening then a 4pm finish in this context isn’t too bad. If they want your flexibility then they’ll have to give some back. I’m assuming lawyer or similar?

Work is set up for work. It's not set up for housewives, who you have children with is how you end up with the man being inflexible.

Your frustration should be towards him, who I assume wanted to have your daughter at the time.

Your other option is to take him to court and demand 50/50 where he does 50% of all school drop offs and pick ups and half all holidays, and sick days and you do 50% and you can both get jobs that are fewer hours for him more hours for you.

This is how it changes by making the father of your child equally responsible for the child you both decided to create.

Are you expecting to leave early and work fewer hours for the same salary or have you suggested that you working 80pc or 90pc of full time (with salary appropriately adjusted) to facilitate pick up?

Asking an employer to pay you the same salary to work fewer hours probably isn't great during a job application process but asking if you can be employed on a 90pc basis is much more reasonable.

Or if your job can be done from home,.then perhaps you can suggest you work five hours in the evening to make up for lost time due to leaving at 4? But that doesn't work if you have a customer facing/interaction role of course.

It was probably a mistake to ask this up front.

I would have put in place something expensive like an after school nanny temporarily and then once they saw how great you are and you have a chance to see what their working culture is like in practice, then put in a flexible working request

It shouldn't have to be this way but I do find in practice many employers are much much more flexible once they know you than they are up front to new hires

How many of your friends are male single parents though with an involved ex?

Everyone has already said it but you don’t seem to want to consider it. Childminder or nanny.

I know it’s expensive, but it will be worth it to progress your career. And you ex should contribute since he’s refusing to look after her himself.

Again it not the company's fault it is up to you and your ex, people choise to have children don't blame other people

Honestly no suggestions but a great deal of sympathy. I'm also a single mum to 18 month old DD and had to turn down an opportunity at a different company because I knew I wouldn't be able to do the hours and put in the work that would be expected of me in the early stages. I have childcare but I need flexibility and currently have a very understanding and supportive boss. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful but resentful that I can't even entertain other interesting and better paid opportunities.

Ex-DH barely contributes financially and sees DD for a few hours on Saturday. He's not seeing her this weekend because he's working. Would that have been an option for me? No.

I really hope your work are understanding and allow you the flexibility. Could you make up the hours from home after DC is in bed?

What are their core working hours? I’d probably agree to you finishing at 4 (this would be every day?) but when will you make the time up?

You’re going to have to get an after school childminder
i think that you’re going to have to look at paying for some childcare in whatever job you ultimately take on
your ex sounds like an arse and I’m sorry he makes your life more difficult

Could she be picked up by a local
child minder and you pick her up from their house?

Can you not use a childminder or after school nanny?

It’s not cheap but if it’s a massive pay rise will this help cover it?