To feel if they say no that I may as well bloody well give up on working? And that women are still having to make the compromise?

To the posters saying someone would need to 'cover you' that is not how senior professional roles work. You will need to catch up in the evening, which I am sure will be fine.

Agree but its parents not just women.

I took a 50% paycut to work remotely so that my husband could go back to full time office based. He had been doing the majority of kids stuff for a couple of years, now we switched over.
We switch every couple of years to give each a chance to move ahead a bit as flexible remote working does not offer the same promotion opportunity and salary benefits as saying youre happy to commit full time and overtime to an office.

I keep looking at roles and they all require office based working which I cant commit to right now.

We have ND kids so childcare and after school clubs are not an option... we have tried the options but every childminder we have tried has said they wont look after them after a trial, after school clubs said no as well and nanny is not an option for us as I just don't think it would work.

So someone has to be home. Right now its me, will swap with husband in a year or two but that does usually involve us looking at prospects and earning potential if we change jobs and seeing what makes the most sense.

I agree it is shit and it always falls to women to pick up the slack. I work fully remotely for a company where people are keeping all sorts of hours since we are scattered all over. On paper a great, flexible role. Yet people have different public holidays (obviously difficult to get childcare on these days, schools shut) and I am always made to feel shit that I cant (why should I!!) work on my public holidays. Obviously DH just says yes to his employer since he's in finance and if London or New York are working then it's not a holiday apparently. Leaving it all on me.

I have been spending a fortune to have an after school nanny meaning I'm available from 9am to 7pm every day, that's still not enough for them. From September I want to try to lose this support element and do it myself meaning my proposal is that I will log off by 4.50pm latest to get to school for 5pm (still using after school activities) and I will not be available again until 8pm but can then log on to see if I need to catch up on anything. I regularly work til midnight as it allows me to focus better. Apparently IABU.

In 15 years her child will be 20, I think they manage to look after themselves after school/college for a good bit of those 15 years.

The idea of a lunch hour in a professional job as something you do or don’t “work through” is nonsense. Most people just eat at some point during the day whenever they can fit it in, or perhaps have a team or client lunch on occasion. Nobody monitors how long it takes and everyone is trusted to get their work done. Meetings are put in diaries over lunch all the time.

Why is your child at a school so far away from home? That certainly complicates matters.

That seems unusual in this day and age. In my family SIL takes DC to nursery and picks up unless DD is able to finish early/on time. My son takes his child to nursery 3 mornings a week and picks up 4 times a week. My other son and his wife both work flexi and share the school runs. When I pick up one of the GC from school there are children being picked up by child minders, grandparents, dads and mums, some children are in the after school club, I don't think mums are in the majority to be honest.

I think you need to sort this one out yourself or not accept the job. Leaving at 4pm may require someone to cover the last hour so someone else has to accommodate you. It’s fair enough to ask, but unfair to resent the “no”. Lots of people have a childminder collect their child from school 🤷🏻‍♀️

B.ll.cks to this. Seriously. Putting her career on hold for 15 years is going to completely destroy it and her pension with it so by default her retirement.
Lots of people use an after school childminder or nanny. I went to one, it didn't damage me. I did exactly what I would have done at home. Had a snack, played, watched TV, read a book etc. I was quite happy and don't feel I missed out on anything. Plus 15 years? I don't know any teenager who requires after school childcare. They just come home and let themselves in.

Edited: I meant to quote someone... but failed!!! But this was re the comment that she is a mother first and should delay her career 15 years. Which as you see I have a major issue with😂

People with children may still have caring responsibilities (eg elder care).

But it doesn’t matter. If you want mothers in the workplace, stop functioning as though they’re just the same as men who abdicate whatever caring “responsibilities” they have to the nearest unpaid or badly paid woman.

Good employer recognises difference, wherever that difference is coming from.

Also made up of people who assume childless women will pick up work slack…..

Would you do that in writing? How would you enforce that if it breaks down and you divorce or split up?

And you're not helping with the women can run companies when you're pulling the I'm a single parent with a child card.

Why would it cost loads?

You could collect from a childminder, my neighbour is one and parents collect from her.

Your title about it being women is annoying, you chose badly for your dds father.

The main problem is the school - what is the point of after school club if most people finish work at 5. we switched schools partly because of this, plus the other school was better

Hopefully you employer will be flexible

Op I think (maybe I'm wrong) that you've posted whilst utterly pissed off at it all being unfair. Fingers crossed you get some good news in the next few days and it all works out

If you're not willing to have DD collected by someone else, it sounds like you may not be a fit for the role. I empathise with your frustration, but at the end of the day, you're asking to go home an hour early every single day.

You can offer a pay cut, but if what they need is someone to be available 5-6, it won't matter. You can offer to work through your lunch, but their HR may be uncomfortable with that. That's the kind of thing you can overlook once or twice, but really the company is legally obligated to give you a break. In practice, people often find it hard to work straight through every day, and end up taking unofficial breaks to compensate. Or the quality of someone's work suffers as a result of slogging through. They may have seen this before and be unwilling to repeat.

It can also create frustration among childless colleagues, as they watch you leave early every day and have to cover your absence. Working through lunch might work for some companies, but if yours is known to close for lunch and not take appointments for that hour, for example, then you can't do the needed work on your break, and your unavailability will inevitably spill over onto your colleagues. Who probably won't see it as the fault of the patriarchy or your ex husband. Resentments may brew.

There are a lot of factors to consider, even if the hiring manager wants to be accommodating. Not your fault or theirs - just a bad fit, potentially.

@Gustavo77would you say that to a dad?

Where I work we could definitely not be able to let anyone go earlier as the busiest time is between 4:30 and 5:30 as everything has to be done before close of business - and no we cannot do things earlier as depending on work coming in during the day.
Unfortunately we would have to say no and you would have to make alternative childcare arrangements

All of our local primaries allow reception (and nursery) children in the after school club - have never heard of schools doing otherwise

Your a mum first. Single parent or not she has to be the priority over your career, it sounds like she's already missing out. This job sounds like a step too far. Your career will have to wait for 15yrs or so.

My mum had this to deal with decades ago and the solution was I was collected by a childminder after school and my mum picked me up from her house on her way home from work. I was perfectly happy. Having a solid career is so important, it worth looking at all the options.

I feel your frustration. I was effectively forced out of a senior role in my first career due to being turned down for flexible working after maternity leave. Like you I was flabbergasted that such a situation was possible.

But 4pm is quite early to leave the office, in a situation where people might reasonably be wanting meetings at that time.

I think it sounds like a childminder or after-school nanny might be the way to go?

Have you checked your dd will actually be able to access the after school club in reception? I know none of our local primaries allow this (and most want half a term of half days as they start).

@FearfulsaintsI can tell you what happens. Men do not want 50/50 custody.