To feel if they say no that I may as well bloody well give up on working? And that women are still having to make the compromise?

Well, I wouldn't give up on working, but I do get your frustration.

It's a fair request, you've been entirely up front, and TBH, if they reject it because they're worried about you, then it was probably a rubbish place to work anyway.

When I took my current job, I was open that I have to do the school runs (my kids see their dad twice a month - no overnights)and that this was non-negotiable, but that in return I'd start work earlier (international company, so this is desirable), and obviously I would be generally available (senior position, also expected). It's been fine, everyone is happy with me.

Honestly, don’t know if this is a solution for you, but it worked for me when I was a single parent overseas with zero support and lots of children.
I moved them to a private city Centre School very close to my office, we all got the bus together in and we all got the bus together out. I was financially no better off for a number of years, but it did elevate my position in my CV accordingly.
And of course the children got a very nice education too
I’d rather spend the money on that then part-time nannies and adhoc childcare arrangements

You are batting every suggestion back which makes me wonder whether you have actually looked into alternatives properly of whether you are just sticking with leaving at 4pm. And elsewhere you say thd job requires flexibility into thd evening but how is that going to work in practice, if you don’t have support/backup?

To be fair the problem with this is that OP has no power there, and these men know this. He can’t be forced to see his child, he can’t be forced to be a parent, he can’t be made to do anything at all other than pay child maintenance. How complicated can you make life for a man who actually has no interest in being a dad and is already paying what he has to?

I asked my employer of 2 years if I could leave 20 minutes early one day a week in order to get to after-school club before it shut and they said no. Pushed me over the edge into breakdown, it was just the last straw.

You are not wrong to think this. That work is set up to favour families where there is a stay at home parent or zero children. Combine that with the fact that childcare is unbelievably expensive and you have a no win situation for a lot of people, men included, who want the involvement your DD's Dad is not prepared to invest.

A good employer will take this into account and allow flexibility around the edges, regardless of the Equality Act (where childcare is not necessary something they have to take into consideration).

@Gustavo77, are you suggesting that OP does not work until her DC is 15? Or are you suggesting that she takes some "little job for a bit of pin money" or whatever they call it, until OP's DC is 15?

If I had followed that suggestion, I would have lost my PIN/professional registration and then have to undertake the return to practice course (in 3-4yrs time when my youngest turns 15). Not to mention me losing a massive chunk of NI and pension contributions! Who do you think would/should pay to support me/my DC during this time? I don't have a magic money tree in my garden (even if I did, I would have gone to PT hours whilst my kids were young and then FT once they were older), and why should the State pay for me/DC when I am healthy/fit and capable of work? Even if I had carried on in a lower banding (i.e. gone from being a registered nurse to a care assistant), the shifts would have been the same, but my earning potential screwed....and I still would have lost my PIN and would have to redo an RTP course.

Yes, my DC are my absolute priority, but so is me paying to keep a roof over their heads and for their day to day upkeep! Me working also teaches my DC that it is important to work and have the means to provide for yourself. It shows them that it is possible to study and progress in a chosen role.

I would be really really pissed at your ex, I would let him know. From now on you're going to make his life difficult, that means zero concessions, no favours and he's dealing with a difficult c-unt woman. His behaviour has consequences.

Lol at “get a childminder”. There are no childminders with vacancies that pick up from my DS’s school. I have no choice but to limit my work hours because I have to do school runs and as a lone parent I have no one to split it with. My adult DS looks after his brother so I can pick up two evenings a week at work but he’s not dad and he has his own life, I can’t rely on him for huge amounts of childcare regularly. Imagine the CF Mumsnet thread that could generate.

I agree it’s v difficult to juggle and it nearly always falls on women to find flexibility in work hours.

But if the job is 37 hours and you leave at 4 every day, how will you make up the missed 5-7 hours?

I had a colleague who used to leave at 4 to collect her DC but then worked an extra hour or so in the evening from home. Is this something that might be possible? Or could you go in earlier? I think you need to suggest a solution so that they can see you are keen to work with them to ensure expectations are met rather than just asking if you can essentially work shorter days. And I’m all for much more flexibility in the workplace but we’re not there yet unfortunately.

I hope they will offer the flexibility but if not then I think open your mind as much as possible to changes with your dd’s care that might help.

I do know what you’re saying but tbh I know plenty of men who have this kind of issue too.

can you get an after school minder for a couple of hours? I’d strongly consider that

Can you move house if you have a long commute and your DDs nursery is ‘very remote’?!

Fair. Don't know why it's the case around here tbh, it makes things really awkward!

Agree, priorites are feeding, clothing, housing your family, a single parent is sole or main providor.
Also showing your children a role model of hard work is a good thing.

Unless you have decent childcare you will be screwed.

Families are very fortunate if they have a grandma on tap.

Childminding is often vocational and most of them are workaholics in my experience.

Yabu to expect a company to change hours for you automatically they don’t have to and may not want to for a myriad of reasons.

Business rightly in my opinion don’t put mothers first they put the business first as it will support a number of employees. So if they can’t accommodate your request they won’t

Ok, I see how you feel. However, my neighbour’s wife died leaving him with two primary aged children and a job to juggle (whilst grieving).
He got a childminder/ nanny/ home help person to help after school. Basically, he kept working and threw money at finding a practical solution.

There’s a bit of self sabotage in your posts. You can fix this and have the job. It may not make you richer in the short term but it will pay off long term.

You can fix this.

Oh I didn't see that. Apologies OP.
I would look at after school nanny in that instance, if your child is not going to drjve them away like the mary poppins kids (mine definitely would, hence me working from home).
I agree its shit, even more so for single parents it is even harder.

I'm sorry but this is bollocks.

A successful company pays staff a good salary to do the work they are contracted to do.

Your problem is that you had a child with a man who doesn't pull his weight in parenting his child.

As a single parent, OP getting a pay rise will be hugely beneficial to her daughter.

Her career doesn't have to wait at all, not to mention that after 15 years, there could very well be no career to go back to.

I think it depends on the company as well. I’m a working mum & just about to start a new job with a big bank.

I told them on my interview that on my wfh days, I will need to do the school run. (It’s a 5
mins walk away) They told me on offering the role that’s absolutely no problem as long as my work is done.
On my office days I have a childminder who picks up from school (also 5 minutes from me) who gives my 7 yo a snack etc and I pick up about 5ish (take a short lunch)
I hope you manage to get it sorted x

And what proof do you have of this ? I often have have worked late to catch up on work, for many reasons, the work i do is catching up on reports, preparing meeting notes and presentations that are required for the next day or project deadlines. Or sometimes its for calls with other team members who work in different time zones, unless your physically siting on the shoulder of that person while they work their hours you do not know what work they are doing. You should be be more of a manager that looks at productivity over presentism. You can be sitting there at work and still doing sweet f all

It is parents yes, but OP is a lone parent so this thread is about her specific situation, where the father is refusing to engage.

OP doesn't have the option of being SAH (unless she accepts she will need to live off the State).

How would work round the school day work. If you got your child to school for say 8.45 and it takes you an hour to get to work so you couldn't start till 9.45 and you'd need to leave at 4, that isn't a fulltime job.