To feel if they say no that I may as well bloody well give up on working? And that women are still having to make the compromise?

Fingers crossed the organisation gives the thumbs up to the flex plan, but if not, don't despair!

Most schools will have a "Parents of X school" Facebook page, you could ask on there if anyone has recommendations for a childminder for your DD from September until 6:30pm each day. You could also ask the school if they have any recommendations, or see if any of the staff of the after school club fancy doing 90 mins extra paid childcare at the end of the session? Or how about asking staff from her current Nursery?

Failing that, I would advertise for a part time Nanny role, and ask them to collect from school at the end of the school day (rather than after school club) and do homework and dinner with her at home before you return at 6:30ish. A Nanny is more likely to be interested in 18 hours a week than just 8 or so.

It's crap that it all falls on you to organise, but it is possible. Best of luck to you with your flex request, keeping my fingers crossed for you @AnwI!

Exactly. Sometimes the biggest misogynists are women. They have been so brainwashed they can't even see it in front of their noses.

Yeah I don't think it's the patriarchy's fault that OP has set up her life to be so hard

After school, we've used after school club (paid for private school mainly to be guaranteed 7.30am to 6pm cover each day without needing to book plus good holiday club at extra cost); used an after school nanny; used the adult son of a friend as informal pre-school childcare; negotiated some flexibility on start/finish times (this is the important part) in jobs we were already in. Also did swaps with friends and adopted an older friend as "honorary granny" for awkward stuff like parent's eves where you can't take the child and events during the school day (we're both teachers so if we've got a lesson/lecture, we must be there).

You can solve most childcare problems by throwing cash at them if you choose your school and location sensibly. And when you find a decent employer, stick to them like glue!

Well I suggested moving as an overall strategy to make your life easier, as commuting is tiring and it will be hard to facilitate eg picking up your kid if they are sick from nursery if it is ‘very remote’. But yes clearly I am a woman putting down another woman and enabling the patriarchy 😆

The point about location is really that it's fine if you want to live in the middle of nowhere a long way from your workplace and your child's school but then it's not going to be a surprise that you might need childcare after 5pm if you want a senior role.

@HotCrossBunpleasebecause
1.) our children have often gone through a significant adjustment or even multiple house moves before and we want to limit disruption. Kids of divorce are already sensitive to change.
2.) we have to consider where our ex lives and can’t move too far from them, or they’ll moan and may well reduce contact which fucks up our lives more.
3.) our support networks might be close to our house which helps us. Not necessarily in terms of school pick ups but if there is an emergency or just can provide company or support us in other ways e.g. will look after kid for an hour whilst we go to the shop or get our hair cut.
4.) we are less likely to be approved for a mortgage as a single breadwinner. We face discrimination by estate agents/ banks. We could be limited in terms of houses we can afford and don’t want to move into the rough areas. Maybe OPs school is in a much more affluent or much rougher area? Why would she want to move there?

Of course the danger is what happens if she moves out and then two weeks later they make her redundant.

That happened to an ex of mine. He literally completed on a Property on the Saturday and on the Monday morning was called into a meeting completely reassigning his patch.
Spent three years commuting 2 1/2 hours a day.

People telling me to move house and so on like it’s the most simple thing. I’m a single parent and can’t just up sticks like that.

Surely a single parent with a child not yet at school is in a much better position to move house than someone who has to accommodate another adult’s needs, job situation and opinions, or someone who would need to move a child’s school?

There may be other reasons why moving is not an option but I’m not buying that being a single parent is the issue.

You also haven’t explained why your child will go to school in a remote place.

Mine neither. I'm so great full for the massive flexibility my workplace offers that give the work I do absolutely everything. I am also flexible in the opposite direction and when on occasion I need to work a bit more in the evenings I do it.

All the women I know who have flex at work are pretty loyal to their jobs as they value it so much.

Fingers crossed OP I hope you get the flex you're after.

Yes, why make life so difficult?

Move through school and yourself closer to work.

I agree with you OP. Women have been trained to put other women down. It’s the patriarchy at its finest.

You employer has a huge role to play in fixing this, and can do it quite easily without any negative impact on their bottom line. They just choose not to.

I see / experience the problems in organisations, the unfairness for mothers and the ‘presenteeism’ silliness. It’s really hard to get and keep a good job as a mum with a deadbeat dad ex. It sounds like you have a good prospect to do so with this job.

But I don’t think focusing / reflecting on all that will help you. In your shoes my priority would be getting and making a good start in the job, mostly on their terms then hoping for more flexibility later - or if not a stronger CV to move elsewhere with more flexibility. In the short term seeking childcare to 6pm would help you. In the longer term a house move might, as this challenge will continue.

My DC were in childcare to 6pm Monday to Thursday during primary, it wasn’t ideal but financial stability has been good.

Yes

Why can't you just get a childminder. But ask by all means.

I don't deny it's an issue, but I don't think its necessarily up to the employer to solve the problem if they need their staff to work specific hours.

OP says the job can be done flexibly, wfh in the evening etc.

For jobs that can be done this way, employers making it easier for employees to do so (ie stating in the job ad, mentioning at interview) would make things so much easier. Wouldn't it be nice for OP to be in a position where she didn't need to ask, but that she could go into the application process stating "I can work 40hrs / week and evenings as necessary with notice. My core hours will be 9-4pm and then I will do 7-9pm [or whatever]"

That's because some women have children with selfish twats. I understand it's difficult, I've raised 3 DC myself and worked throughout that time without a break. However the father of my children has never considered that caring for them was solely my responsibility.

I don't deny it's an issue, but I don't think its necessarily up to the employer to solve the problem if they need their staff to work specific hours. If the OPs ex would step up then it wouldn't be such a problem for her.

A childminder takes child from school to their home often giving dinner you collect from them. Many children do this from a lot younger. You maybe eligible for financial help.

@Twilightstarbrightand that’s with two of you. But according to all these posters if you got divorced your ex would definitely step up and do exactly what you needed him to do for the good of your career, which no longer concerns him.

This. You are coming across as completely inflexible with a this is the business' fault and they need to solve it for me. There are solutions out there, it isn't a unique situation. That alone will put employers off. They need employees who can deal with and solve problems. Be careful you don't sabotage this job before you start.

I’m not sure my DH would have finishing at 4pm approved at his work (senior professional role like the OP). He does do it, as do I but it’s an ever changing balance of what’s in the diary and what the need is. My boss has no issue with me leaving at 4pm if I’m not missing anything big but if I left halfway through a Board Committee he would be unhappy.

We both do these kinds of jobs FT and commute into London, we use wraparound care 7.30-6pm. It’s hard!

OP, I get it - I think most parents get hit in the face a bit by the way that wraparound childcare isn’t ‘set up to work’ in any way. It’s frustrating and even more so when you don’t have a partner (or ex) willing to take on their share.

BUT I think this has to be faced, just like the vast majority of working parents do, especially in professional roles. As others have said, in an established role where you are known and valued, the offer of finishing at 4pm and making up an hour later in the evening might well fly. Especially if they operate a core hours model. But when you are an unknown quantity and they have no idea whether or not you would meaningfully make up the extra hours, if would put you at serious disadvantage to other candidates.

Several things to consider:

• Have you asked around about local childminders, other mum’s willing to lift share etc ? That childminders are full for other people on this thread is totally meaningless. Have you checked Koru kids or with local universities or FT colleges (nursing or midwifery or other caring/ DBS professions can be a win.
• Au pairs are a thing, I have one. It’s expensive and a pita but at a certain point you need to invest in back up if you have no other backup (I have no helpful family for 300 miles+)
• Is another nearer school possible or one with later wraparound? Ours is till 6.30

Bottom line is that if you want the well paid professional role then childcare is a work expense and it’s best to just accept that and think about what works best

Did you apply and interview for the job going all the way to offer stage before asking this question? It is to be hoped that they can work to your hours because if they can't you've just cost you and, more importantly, them an awful lot of time and money.

That's irrelevant. Stop looking for someone else to blame. It is not for companies whether they are small or large, male or female led to ensure you can parent your child.

Companies will continue to be run by men if women can't even manage their own time let alone a company's.