Clean plates rule for DC.. just why?

YANBU. If your DD was asking for whole servings of food then not eating them then it would be worth a gentle word with her. But we don't actually reduce food waste whatsoever by forcing anyone to shove down the last few bites on the plate - there is absolutely no difference in how wasteful it is to toss a few bites of food into the bin or dog bowl vs a person who doesn't need or want any more food choking it down out of guilt. All forcing children to clean their plates does is inhibit children from developing healthy attitudes toward food and the ability to listen to their body's cues.

If a child is in the habit of wasting large amounts of food then that can be addressed by changing what is offered, how food is served, and encouraging taking smaller portions (while making additional ones easily available with zero shame) and pausing for a short while to allow the stomach and brain to communicate before taking more. That's far more effective on all fronts than a blanket rule about clearing plates.

BTW, if children are refusing food and you think they're "holding out for pudding" then give them their helping of pudding with their meal and let them eat it first if they want. It lowers the value of the sweets and encourages them to experience other foods as something besides the less pleasant task they have to get through as fast as possible to reach a reward.

My mother was someone like that and it really messed up my eating tbh, having to keep eating when I was full or occasionally a meal I hated just being served again and again until I ate it, one of the most satisfying moments as a teen, was throwing one of those meals (an egg sandwich) out my bedroom window.)

i never get the waste arguement either, it’s wasteful and bad for your health to eat just for the sake of eating at that point when you’re full.

I think I’d have been tempted to make a comment along the lines that my children have been strictly trained to demonstrate good manners and not to comment on what someone else has eaten or hasn’t…..

‘A bite of this won’t take a difference’, ‘’it’s only 2 more pieces’ and you end up with a person with a lifetime of weight battles due to this conditioning.

My mum spent some time in Ethiopia as an adult.

the rule there is that you leave a small amount on your plate to show the host provided the right amount of food.

she didn’t realise this and cleared her plate - which was the signal to the host to provide more food!

these things are cultural.

I get an actual thrill when my kids leave some food on their plates as I’m so keen that they eat to their appetites. I have been forcing food down myself all my life after a childhood of clean plates (parents who grew up in the war so there was some rationale to it at least) and I desperately want them to recognise when they are full and… stop.

My DH was forced to clear his plate as a child, no matter what. As a late-middle aged adult, he will still eat until he feels unwell because he’s been taught that food waste is a moral failing. It’s an absolutely ridiculous rule to enforce.

I don’t think anyone is advocating chucking an entire meal in the bin every time, but honestly so what if someone doesn’t finish? So what if they are less hungry than they thought? So what if the meal was more filling than they expected? A contextually small amount of food goes in the bin and the world keeps turning (and a host who’s mortally offended by a plate not being cleared is more worried about their ego than their guests’ comfort, and in turn hardly an excellent host!)

Me also

stop him now! What he is teaching her is that dessert is the best bit and she has to earn it by eating stuff she doesn't want!

And cats, ours loves a green bean!

We had an 'eat in proportion' rule. So they couldn't e.g. eat all the chips first then say they were too full for the veg.

Forgot to add…. After he’d ‘forced’ a full cooked breakfast down me, we went out in his much prized Ford Cortina. I was an appalling travel sickness sufferer but ok if I sat in the front. He said absolutely not, I must go in the back.

The winding roads of North Wales brought my unwanted breakfast back up…all over his beloved car.

Shame.

This annoys me - mil and fil are the same but they give huge portions and then are disappointed if you can’t finish your plate and don’t want pudding. It took my dh years to get a healthy relationship with food after growing up with them

id just say we don’t force our children to eat more than their fill.

you are right op forcing children to eat more than they need can lead to a unhealthy relationship with food.

Yesss!

Due to my DMs issues in my childhood, I lived with my Aunty and Uncle for about 6 months in the early 1970s. I was around 6/7 years old.

She was the sweetest lady, so kind and caring - but he was a brute and a bully.
He always made me finish my plate, even if I was full to bursting (Aunty was an amazing cook) and I hated him for it. I vowed to make sure I would never be like that, and if a child was “full” then that was good enough for me.

It sounds like something from the seventies the dark ages.
Horrible.

Give her pudding along side all her food, your DH is just setting up a battle of wills and creating a sense of bad atmosphere for your DD whenever it's meal times.
This is potentially very dangerous, he needs to stop it.

It was a small piece of chicken ffs not half a plate of food.
Your cousin shouldnt invite people for meals if she has an internal conniption at the thought of people eating until they're full and that meaning a small amount of food is left over.

I'm reading this with interest as we have a challenge with out 4 year old on this. My DH asks her to finish her plate before she has pudding and I don't know how to feel about it.
We don't give her huge portions, but sometimes she doesn't want all or a particular item of the main meal (e.g. wants pasta but no veg), but does want pudding. I.e She is still hungry but is not wanting to eat the main meal.

I'm not sure what to do here as I don’t want to cause a food issue for her, but I also see my DH point that she's not eating some of main meal out of picky-ness, but does want pudding.

Oh and FYI I don't give her loads of stuff she doesn't like on one plate, but we do give her a variety of foods so she can try and keep trying new things.

I think it’s a bit insane to insist someone finishes an amount of food that you have decided on the quantity of.
Some days I’m hungrier than others for whatever reason. It would be ridiculous for someone else to say “this is how much I have decided you must eat”.

That's what dogs are for surely!

'Strictly trained' ffs

This

I would feel a bit rude not finishing the portion of food someone had cooked for me. I think it's good manners

They are valid reasons to finish your plate (avoiding food wastage, being polite when you're invited), and there are valid reasons to eat to hunger and not finish if the portion is too big.

Maybe you could both use the opportunity to discuss your views without judging the others. The ideal compromise would be for your daughter to be able to decide on her portion herself, and then finish it.

DD left a small piece of f chicken - if she does this all the time it’s plain wSteful