Should I be happy?

No - that’s where you’re wrong it’s probably not best for her to have you at home until she’s 3 !!!
I was a sahm - my daughter works full time - her DCs at lovely nursery - that is better for them ime.

Right my last post was deleted so let me retry.

Your posts do not add up. Anyone with rich parents don't say "my father was a wealthy businessman" - they just don't talk like that.

If you were really raking in £20k+ a month after tax you wouldn't be living in a 2 bed house without a housekeeper or at least a part time nanny to give you a day or two off in the week.

My DH earns similar and when DC were babies I had a nanny 2x a week to give me a break. Then I went back to work for my mental health when they were a bit older and we have a housekeeper.

OP I've just read through again and you said about outsourcing help basically costing your wage.
I totally get where you're coming from here. I imagine you feel a lot of guilt going to work and not being with your child.

I would think carefully about going back full time as a primary school teacher. I tried it when my daughter was a baby and I didn't cope well.

In my opinion in your situation, I'd either try to find a part time teaching job, do a bit of supply or stop altogether and look at going back once your child is in school. At least then the worst you'll need is wraparound care.

Use childcare and cleaners/gardeners so you can have some time to yourself and not feel like you're constantly cleaning.

I put my child in nursery two days a week so I could pursue a pilot's licence. Crazy but it was the best thing I ever did for myself.

I suspect that even if you get more professional help with cleaning, ironing etc you will still have a DH who leaves a trail of cracker crumbs behind him and gets up from the dinner table without putting his plate in the sink or dishwasher.
He works all the hours God sends, travels away etc? He's just passing through really and as the sole breadwinner he feels entitled but the power balance is off. Of course, he likes you to spend some of the money, it assuages his guilt of keeping you in the supportive 50s housewife role when he senses you don't like it. Some women might be happy to be 'kept' and run the household / skivvy but you're not.
OP, you don't have to go back to teaching, look at other roles, retrain maybe. You don't like this arrangement so talk to him and change it.

well you can afford a cleaner, nanny, whatever you want. So get it if that helps

You don't have to work for money - that puts you in a fortunate position, because it means you have options.

You can buy in help - cleaner, gardener, nanny, whatever. It will be helping others pay their bills, which is no bad thing. (That doesn't mean they don't deserve any appreciation, even if you're paying for it.) You can encourage him to at least clear the table when they aren't there, to show your daughter a good example if nothing else.

You can go back to work - full-time, or part-time. You could do adult education classes (depending on what's available locally,) or go to the gym, or do voluntary work. And you don't have to decide today. Nor is any decision set in stone forever - it's oy as long as a notice period, which in teaching is likely to be a term. Also your child is small now, but she will grow, and you should think ahead about how you will spend your time once she is at nursery and then school.

It is sensible to build your own pension - no one knows what the future will bring. And my mother always advised having a running away fund, just in case. But above all that, you need personal fulfillment of some sort.

I can relate a bit to this OP. DH has big job, I've just quit my part time job as a primary teacher because I hated it. Just tutoring a few hours a week now.
I'm pretty bored. Am hoping to train for a new career but feel guilty about having to outsource help as the new career would involve long and unsociable hours.
My daughter is school age but with the close bond we have, it bothers me we may end up needing a nanny. I feel I can't have it all.

Yes there will be comments along the lines or 'cry me a river', but whatever money is earned, it's hard being the 'main parent' most of the week as it limits you and you sort of end up falling into a housekeeper/SAHM 'job' which isn't for everyone.
The difference here is money creates opportunity. You have the opportunity to do whatever you like, you just need to outsource help.

As explained earlier, we're in a similar position but guilt gets in the way.

OP with respect, you're being ridiculous!

You're in a v enviable position where you have a successful, driven husband & a healthy child.

You are not in a position where you are forced to go to work every day just to keep a roof over your heads

You have food on the table & zero financial worries

You get to spend your days with your dc & there's no penny pinching filling in long days with no cash to spare

All I can say is try to see your blessings. Enjoy this time with dd as you don't get it back

Why don't you volunteer, join a board of directors, look for a community project you can support- this will give you the external connection & validation you need

Dont you have a dishwasher? 6 hours a week is decent but can be increased. Odd that you implied you had no cleaner earlier in the thread though. And as a SAHM with a cleaner, loading a dishwasher isn’t that bad. There are plenty of solutions available to you, you don’t don’t want them

Do you not have a dishwasher?

Well when he’s in the house he needs to help with tidying up. It’s fair that you cook but he should help wash dishes. You need to tell him how that makes you feel. Have you thought of counselling?

Surely your DH can put dishes in the dishwasher. Sounds like you both need to sit down and discuss what you want your lives to look like.

Six hours a week is nothing from a cleaner - up it to 18 (3 days of 6 hours) and things will look easier when someone else can meal prep for you, change the beds, do the laundry, ironing, cleaning etc

I voted that you are being unreasonable. Not because I don’t agree that you shouldn’t be unhappy with how things have turned out to be but because you don’t seem to suggest anything to make it better. You have the finances now to have all the ‘help’ in the world. Why do you need to do the cleaning? Get a cleaner/housekeeper. Why are you ironing? Get an ironing lady. Why are you doing all the cooking? Why do you think you should be doing any of these mundane tasks? You have the freedom to go back to work, to a job you enjoy and return to a home that needs nothing doing when you get back. Grasp that. You have the potential to live a life many of us would kill for!

You don’t mention ‘missing’ your husband? Other than all the above, are you seeing him enough? Do you feel your relationship is still good?

Eh what? Get yourself back to work, maybe part time for balance. Then outsource everything. I’m a teacher, don’t need to work financially but do it as I love my job. We have a housekeeper/cleaner and a gardener. I’ll keep going until I stop enjoying my job.

I would take one years salary and give up the job and be together - you could live on the interest from that

Going back to work doesn’t just have to be about money. It’s about having that time for you to be an adult and have other adult conversations. That’s what you’d get out of it. If your DH is happy for you to spend the money, get a cleaner, use the child care, but have a life of your own outside your family.

When DS was 4 I felt so much like I was just his mum and not me anymore. So I started doing volunteer work. I could commit just a few hours a week to it, and I got to be me again and not just DS mum. It helped my mentally feel like I was a person again. My guess is that’s the biggest reason you want to get back to work.

My xH earned a lot of money and we lived in a big house. I was very unhappy, he hadn't had money when we met but become more and more focused on it.

I would have exchanged the money and "success" for him being a more loving, involved and present dad and partner, and in the end the marriage broke down.

But it doesn't have to be like that, it depends on what type of guy he is.

Do not stop working.

In many ways the answer to 'should I be happy?' is yes. I would detest your lifestyle - being a kept woman, looking after a child 24/7, housework etc. Life is far too short for all that. But, the world is your oyster! With the money he's earning, you can get a cleaner, nanny, gardener the whole thing which leaves you free to pursue whatever career you want.

Hire a load of help then get back out there, you won't regret it!

I was a SAHM for a number of years, DH worked away during the week. Yes it was hard in terms of doing all the housework and childcare but I also felt incredibly lucky that I had the luxury of not having to work and being able to be home with my children in their formative years. If you can afford it and it's what you really want then pay for the nanny and the cleaner and go back to work, even part time? Being a SAHM isn't for everyone and if it's making you unhappy, you have the power to change it. Your little one will benefit from having a happy and fulfilled mum. No need to feel guilty, your little one will be just fine 💐

Good Grief. Get a housekeeper to do jobs around the home. You get to pick the bits you want to do - aka the fun Mum parts - and your housekeeper does the dross jobs.

You aren't paying someone to raise your child. What waffle.