Should I be happy?

Oh come on now.

Your husband doesn't work 18 hour days for the fun of it, he does it to earn lots of money. What is the point in him working all those hours if you aren't going to use some of the money he earns to make your life easier and happier?

I always saw having children as a huge responsibility as in, if you're not willing to do anything and everything to make sure they're not just a narcissistic whim, then you have no business having them.

This is the bit you need to talk about in therapy. Who has told you that having children is a "narcissistic whim" unless you are sacrificing all your own wants and needs for them?

Being a parent isn't just about serving your child, it's about setting them an example of the life you want them to live. Do you want your daughter in 30 years' time to be posting her about how her mum sacrificed her own happiness to give her a a perfect childhood, but is she being unreasonable to want more than pairing socks and skivvying?

Or would you like your daughter to see her mum setting an example of having a fulfilling career that she loves, and balancing that with a happy, loving family life?

Obviously it's not as black and white as that, but you don't have to give up everything that brings you happiness and fulfillment - a middle way is possible.

OP,

You sound like a perfectionist, in all aspects of your life.

It seems you want to be the perfect parent, perfect housemaid and perfect wife as well as having a perfect career being perfect at it alongside everything else. It seeems you can't seem to figure out how to juggle it all, so the thoughts consume you.

In the kindest tone, it's a little martyr-ish.

The only person who cares about all the perfect is you. I promise you, no one else cares. Not your husband, not a childminder, nor your DD.

It's ok to lower your standards and not have everything perfect.

It's ok to wear designer, it's ok to wear primark, it's ok to drive a Yaris, it's also ok to drive a Porsche. It's ok to work full time and have loads of help, it's also ok to not work and still have loads of help.

It's ok to not work and still source childcare a few days a week to have adult relationships, or do things for adults.

You don't need permission to lose a bit of perfection.

And yes, you can be lonely and unhappy with lots of money. You don't have to be happy. You can't make yourself content with a life where money has been substituted for a partner.

I'll echo the comments about getting more help in. The way to frame it is, get help with the daily housework in order to be more present with your child. And definitely go back to work if you need to maintain that side of yourself, part of your identity. Though I agree if your previous job can only be full time then seriously consider how to find the part-time equivalent - but don't do yourself down. The family money is there to give you all more choices and more freedom - take it!

The money will come at the cost of your relationship. You must decide if enough compromises can be made.

Get a cleaner and a mother's help.

OP, you badly need to start discussing this stuff in therapy. You are literally the only person getting in your way. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t be back at work, PT or FT, as a teacher or literally anything else in the world you can retrain for. You keep talking about ‘shoulds’ and guilt. Stop being so mimsy? Take ownership of your life. Has it occurred to you that your baby might be an anxious character because her mother is miserable — because, like most people, she’s not suited to pairing socks and spending 24/7 with a baby? But you’re not a deskilled single parent who can’t earn enough to cover childcare. The world is your oyster.

Bit offended you are referring to my perfectly reasonable professional salary as ‘meagre’.

Okay so you’re used to your husband’s obscene salary, but he’s the unusual one you know.

Meagre indeed.

Yes!!!

For fuck sake, pay for someone to sort the house and get back to work. You are in an incredibly privileged position and you just want to moan and find fault.

You understand you’re projecting your anxiety onto your child, yes?

While I’m very sympathetic to the pain in your comment, I don’t understand any of it. You’ve got £500k a YEAR and you’re fucking about fretting about pairing socks and breastfeeding making you sleepy and do I go back to work?
You’re a single mum. He’s having the time of his life and there’ll soon be other women up to speed with his dopamine rush.
Get your kid off the breast, go shopping for new clothes and car, inject some Mojo into your spine and build the kind of life that you want for you and your child. Man can come along for the ride if he wants.

This is all in your head (maybe also some social constraints). Just because you can afford to be a SAHM doesn’t mean mean you have to. We could afford for me to be a SAHM but after 2 years I was desperate to go back to work, I felt like a piece of me was missing. It made very little financial sense at first but in the long run was a wise move as my DH had a period of being out of work. Don’t feel guilty about wanting to do more, remember you are sending your child a message by doing a job you are passionate about and chose because you wanted to make a difference in other people’s lives. That is powerful and better than having an unhappy mother who feels tied down by childcare and domestic chores

Sorry but massive yawn.

im a single parent to two kids, I pay and do everything in the house on my own.

im knackered, your rich get help

There is no 'should'. Some people would be happy with that life and some would not. What matters is whether you are happy with it.

It really isn't

Did you even like it after spending 3k on it and was it something you could wear again

You can afford a housekeeper with that sort of income.

Why are you washing dishes? Get a dishwasher. If you already have one, remember you don't need to rinse first. Even my second hand ancient dishwasher cleans brilliantly without rinsing.

Pay someone to load and unload it for you if it'll make you happier. Pay someone to do the laundry and ironing. What is the point in working so hard for all that money and being miserable with household chores.

I'm not saying your husband couldn't do more around the house, but you don't need to do everything yourself when you can afford to outsource tasks.

Allergic to labels but spent 3k on a christening outfit?

No it’s not unacceptable, it’s not for everyone
I personally detest most house work and couldn’t stand it if I had to spend a good portion of my day doing it
Im definitely not a domestic goddess!

You don’t have to do it long term, you can go back whenever you want.