Should I be happy?

Perhaps OP feels she needs to be doing it because she isn't working.
If you don't work, you do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry. You've got time so you should be doing it all yourself right?

Perhaps she feels that paying for someone to do it for her when she can technically do it herself is 'wrong' and frowned upon.

You don’t need to do all these things after your DD goes to bed, for own surely she can sit and play/entertain herself while you clean the kitchen (even my super active DS’s would do that at that age). You don’t need to Hoover/mop every day, sweeping up crumbs takes 2 mins. A cleaner can do the laundry/ironing. You also can change the breastfeeding through the night, it is for comfort and while it may mean a few hard nights it is for her own good to be able to self soothing at this age. You are putting all of this on yourself, I know to is hard as a newer mum with a lot of information bombarding about child development and social media making you think everyone has spotless homes but we all do the best we can and sometimes that really isn’t close to perfect and that is ok. The best thing I ever did was let go of all this pressure and be ok with just being ok. Guess what, nothing happened. Rats didn’t overrun my house, my kids didn’t end up selling drugs, my husband didn’t care that someone else washed his underwear. Don’t be a martyr, it doesn’t help you or anyone else and will rub off on your child if they sense your anxiety about all of this

This must be a wind up. An 18 month old breastfeeding throughout the night? Really?

Hire a live in nanny/housekeeper. Problem solved.

The ‘baby’ is 18 months old

Sadly, I don’t think YABU not being happy in this situation. Your husband spending time with you really shouldn’t be this far down the list. You don’t even sound like you enjoy the money- so what’s the point of it all? £500k, he could give it all up now and live a comfortable life in a far less demanding job. If he works every hour god sends is there even any ‘relationship’ left. This would not do for me and I would be miserable.

Work wise, does it need to be teaching if you’re worried about the stresses and strains of that role? If money really isn’t an object, could you take a job doing something else less taxing for a few years part time? Even if your entire wage goes on childcare, what difference does it make?

Yeah but if you still earned equally you’d have had to back to work and your child would (according to you) be damaged and depressed. Silver linings and all that

Lots of people I know have housekeepers who come in each morning and do all the things you're describing - there's definitely cleaners/housekeepers who will happily do the tasks you want doing on a daily basis

Ironing is unnecessary for most modern clothes (and in any case you could afford a few extra hours of cleaner time if you needed this done). No house needs daily hoovering and mopping. Dinner can be as big or a small a chore as you make it, especially in your income bracket - buy posh healthy ready meals from a local deli, get delivery a few times a week, learn how to make simple quick dinners (Rukmini Iyer recipes are good for this). Dishwashers do the dishes. Clothes need only be washed when unclean. With a cleaner 6 hours a week and the means to pay for more household help you don’t need to feel like a skivvy OP. You are making unnecessary work for yourself.

Even if you don’t want to go back to work until your child is bigger (and it sounds like you don’t need to), you could take steps to feel happier and spend some time in ways that make you feel more like you. Get a regular babysitter or put her in crèche a few times a week, and do something with other adults (volunteering/ exercise/hobby/ time with friends). If you are staying at home for a few more years and don’t have other SAHM friends, go to more baby/toddler activities and make an effort to find a few.

I work full time in ‘big’ job, co parent 50:50, do every single piece of domestic work in my (admittedly small) house and cook a lot of nice meals every week and somehow manage to not feel like a skivvy. While I don’t have a cleaner I do use some of the big job money to grease the wheels a bit with nice food and activities and holidays, and even manage to have a little time for hobbies and exercise and friends. I say this not to sound superior, but to show it is doable if you are tactical about your time and spending to set your life up in the way that makes you happiest. Money isn’t everything, but it gives you choices and you will feel better if you start making some active choices that benefit you (and my extension your husband and child).

Sounds like you’re making your life harder than it needs to be. I’m guessing your baby is at least 6 months old if they’re eating meals. Get them into a proper routine 7pm-7am. Hire a sleep consultant so you’re not attached to baby at night and they can help with a solid, predictable routine. You’ll have evenings to yourself to unwind, decent nights sleep/rest and I think you’ll begin to enjoy your life more and see what a fortunate position you are in. Regardless of whether your husbands working constantly or not, being with a baby literally 24/7 with no downtime in the evening or solid sleep at night is very tough. Fix that first and then see how you feel about other issues.

Would love to know what he does that allowed him to go from earning the same as a teacher to 500k per annum

Oh they will. Pay them and they will come is what you will find out.

However, this isn’t about the cleaning and I am feeling guilty for only seeing the superficial.

It seems like you are very lonely and sad as you have essentially been work widowed. And that must be feeling desperately unfair. No amount of money can change that.

A little childcare will help you get out there and see some joy, but I feel it would be advisable for you go back to work within 18 months at the most.

Maybe part-time at first, but you have to have your own career. Save every penny of that money you earn into your own accounts and max your pension.

Also, make sure your husband has his own pension and you have wise JOINT investments. If you don’t have a financial adviser get one, your DH can max your ISAs for you. And an ISA in your child’s name obvs.

He needs a Will aswell. Money comes and goes as quickly as rich husbands do - so take control.

I feel so sad at the thought of you having to make all decisions on your own for doing up a big house. Maybe hire a stylist to talk things through with if you don’t have close friends to do it with. But you need someone to bounce ideas off of to get excited about it.

And get some weekends planned in with the girls. Get a babysitter and have some fun. Visit theme parks with kids and mum friends, stay a night and eat pizza. Only look after your own dinner for once.

And honestly, best of luck. Get some help and make sure you have your own life. Xx

Thats not the issue, its the late night crumbs

Can you not get your H to pay for a nanny and a cleaner out of his income, as it's much higher than yours? Then you could keep your wages. Some people would be ok as a SAHM but it doesn't sound like you are, so make a plan to not be one.

Eat earlier, put baby to bed earlier, there's no way I'm cleaning up that late at night, but remember this stage passes quickly - and also watch first season of white lotus

You’re a proper whinge bag. You’re not doing anything the rest of us with young families don’t have to do. Only you have the privilege of having no money worries.

Give yourself a wobble. Sort it out if you’re not happy, you’re lucky enough to have the choice.

I can’t believe you’ve even made this post.

I sometimes think mumsnet has become only for the rich. It does not cater to normal families anymore.

this is the life that many of us have without the luxury of a huge household income that means you can buy in as much help as you want.

Im the higher earner but my husband works crazy hours, we have a 6 month old. I don’t have the option of not going back to work at the end of my mat leave. I also do 90% of the household chores.

I don’t really understand what you want the solution to be?

No one has to do it all though if they can afford help. It is good to get help. It is not somehow wrong.

Surely with that salary you don't need to worry if you working causes a deficit? And surely you can afford to buy in cleaning, laundry and whatever else is needed to facilitate you? If you barely see your husband then you need to have some compensation for the compromise and you have so much surplus income there, you can well afford to fund it.

*dull. Not full.

@Cnf1 but if you worked you would need to still cook & clean up dinner, Hoover, mops floors etc.

I or my husband do this every single day and yes quite often we resent it and it's full but it's what 99% of people do; cooking for 3 and cleaning up afterwards is not a massive job.

Please stop whining. You have millions of pounds and multiple successful life options and seem to be taking up other mother’s time and energy because you aren’t enjoying following through with your own personal definition of perfect parenting. You’re an emotional vampire.