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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I be happy?

256 replies

Cnf1 · 01/05/2025 17:11

So, my DH has become very successful in recent years. He makes £500k per annum for the last 5 years and it's on the up. I'm not someone who cares about material things. I drive a 25-year-old yaris and would happily spend the rest of my life living in our 2-bed house which I owned before I met him.
We've had a child in the last two years. I'm a sahm at the moment but planning on getting back to work ASAP, not for the money but for my mental health.
My AIBU is whether I should be unhappy with my current situation.
He works every hour that God sends but as a result, I'm forced into being a parent and housekeeper 24/7. I never wanted this life but have found myself in it. I instinctively feel that he should be doing housework but it feels unfair on him when he's racing home to spend time with our dd before bedtime and then back on his laptop, working. I find myself cooking, cleaning and entertaining our baby round the clock.
I have become the 1950's housewife which is so far from how I was raised and what I ever wanted. Tbh, he was the one who was desperate to have a child, I was on the fence but I'm madly in love with her now.
I want to go back to work ASAP but my meagre salary as a primary school teacher will mean we actually are at a deficit if I do and all the housework will still come down on me as he's permanently working.
He's self-employed and basically in the midst of creating an incredibly lucrative business so there's no chance of him being able to reduce hours.
I think what I'm asking is whether I should be happy pairing his socks, ironing his shirts and cleaning up everything in the house (including his dinner plate) every evening because he has work to do knowing that he is a great provider?

OP posts:
Azureshores · 01/05/2025 17:29

I think in your position you should definitely go back to work - maybe wait until she's a bit older though? Only bc it goes so fast and you'll probably look back and be glad you stayed home for the first few years. When she's 2 and a half she'll be old enough to go to a playgroup and give you a few hours on your own. On £500k pa your family can easily afford childcare and a cleaner and send out your ironing etc.

It sounds like you would be much happier working and that's ok.

ThriveIn2025 · 01/05/2025 17:25

Going back to the original question, should you be happy pairing his socks etc? Well you don’t sound happy so head back into the world of work. You are lucky enough to have choices.

Original poster
Cnf1 · 01/05/2025 17:21

To add, he's abroad nearly every week and dd (18mnths) sleeps for only 10hrs every 24 and is incredibly needy. She also bfs throughout the night. She has been determined not to take a bottle since day 1 despite all my efforts.

OP posts:
Jabberwok · 01/05/2025 17:18

The big question is what is your long term goals? Does he intend to run the business for 40 or 50 years or 5 and sell (having saved considerable money)?
Does he intend to retire really early and enjoy a stress free life, perhaps having a mundane 9-5 job or part time just to keep active?
If you are earning £500k a year does it really matter if your income isn't covering child care...after all kids socialising outside of the family is a positive developmental tool?

Parker231 · 01/05/2025 17:18

Why would your salary put you in a deficit?

We bought it as much help as we could to make life easier and maximise the time available to spend with DT’s. The cleaner became a housekeeper who as well as the usual cleaning, changed the beds, put away the online shopping orders, did batch cooking, sorted out the gardener, window cleaning, household repairs etc.

ThriveIn2025 · 01/05/2025 17:17

When you go back to work you need to outsource as much of the chores as possible. No one wants to come home from work, fed the kids and then clean. It shouldn’t all fall to you but the reality is it will. Get as much help as you can, otherwise you’ll be stuck in the worst of both worlds and resentment will grow.

PS definitely don’t think it isn’t worth going back. Money and pension aside, work offers social interaction, the opportunity for friendships, keeping the mind sharp and your DD will see her Mum working and contributing to the household. There’s loads of non-monetary benefits to working.