Should I be happy?

I think you are an in enviable financial
position but that doesn’t mean that those who are wealthy always have amazing relationships and never separate / divorce.

This is about respect to you and whilst you can accept that due to his really long hours you will be doing more than your fair share of the housework / mental load that does not mean that you should be waiting on him hand and foot and tidying after him .

Something has to give . Do not make the mistake of thinking that it makes sense for you to drop your job as childcare costs may be greater in the short term .

You need to think about the longer term about what will make you happy and it seems like you are someone who enjoys working and the intellectual stimulation you get from this .

The first few years of parenthood are hard and you are in the enviable position of being able to afford to chuck money at it , which can deal with some of the issues .

Things to consider ; are you happy in your job or would you find something else more rewarding / consider retraining / studying for another role ?
If you are happy in your role / vocation - would it help to reduce your hours ? This could be to decrease them with the view that you can build up again when your daughter is older . Primary teaching does allow you the flexibility , but it has to be what works for you ie that you do not end up simply being paid less and working the same hours to get the job done .

Whilst your husband is building up his business is there any help that he can get that he doesn’t already have ? If he isn’t poor at delegating , can he get an assistant who would do more of the lower end work .

Look at others have said at what you can outsource and help you , nanny , childcare , cleaner , gardener etc .

Boundaries in your relationship . For your relationship to thrive , you need some non negotiables - holidays . You can afford luxury holidays , although not all of these will be child friendly - you can also bring in help here or outsource cooking , eg takeaways / lovely food so you keep cooking etc to a minimum if staying in a cottage / apartment . Some hotels / resorts will also have apartments where you can have space as a family but can still eat on site .

I think communication is important here and also that you agree when your DH is able to devote to family time , weekends / part of a weekend , set hours during the week . Due to the nature of his job , this will be less than those who work 9-, 5 but it is important for everyone’s happiness especially your daughter’s that he does prioritise this time . I think if you don’t address it this will cause further resentment on your part and ultimately greater difficulties in the relationship . It is also important that you connect as H& W too and also pay attention to this . This could be putting in date nights , even if only once a month . It could be a bottle of wine and a takeaway but will help you stay connected.
Good luck .

In our area there is a firm that will come in and take your laundry away twice a week and return it all, making the beds up, ironing done etc. I think you need this service as well.

You need a mother's help. She would come in every day and be there first thing in the morning. I used to just walk away from the devastation at the end of the day knowing that she would do last night's washing up etc while I cared for the children the following morning. Being able to close the door on chaos because your rest and down time is important is a skill you should learn quickly.

Of course you dh shouldn't be doing anything that leaves you feeling disrespected. In all honesty I think your marriage may fail because there doesn't seem to be time for a bond to be nurtured between you. The best thing you could do for your child is carve out some time each week now, with him, just the two of you. Otherwise you're likely looking at putting your child through a divorce.

Once you have your mother's help you'll find that your child is happy to spend time with her, provided it's not presented to her as something that will mean she can't be with you. My little girl used to scream for our mother's help when she was having a tantrum, just because she had a choice and wanted the other option at that moment. We had a succession of them but it wasn't a problem because their primary bond was of course with me. It is actually lovely to have someone the children are happy to stay with while you and your DH go out or you have some time to yourself.

He keeps saying, "well let's get our cleaner to come more often" but that won't counteract him eating cream crackers and letting the crumbs fall as he moves throughout the house on work calls.

So you already have a cleaner?

What happens to the crumbs now? Do you follow him around picking up?

It seems that you are completely opposite people where money is concerned.

If your DH is self employed and earns this sort of income then he is clearly driven by income. It's not that he is for example a genius in a scientific field which happens to compensate extremely well

Ar the other end of the scale you don't see money as a priority.

What life did you envisage for yourselves and how has this changed. Was this outcome something that was always clear and you put your thoughts to one side or has DH attitude to money completely changed

Get a cleaner, send the laundry out & ironing out. You can afford it.

Employ staff to do the jobs. Cleaning, ironing etc. That will bed you in for when you return to the workplace. And I agree your FH shouldn’t have to do housework with the hours he works when as a household you can afford to employ others to do it. I’d be employing a PA as well on that salary to manage the family appointments, plan holidays, life admin….bliss.

And? You're loaded. What else are you going to spend half a million a year on?
Get a nanny and/ or housekeeper and still stay at home if you want. Do all the nice bits and outsource the shite.

Think big picture

Get a nanny and a maid. You have the funds. Then a part time job.

The breaking up of your marriage because a man is working all hours to bring home 500k, is seeing to your DD in the morning so you can lie in and gets home to put her to sleep all because he doesn’t put his dishes away….

Gosh.

You seem difficult to please OP. It’s an either way you are screwed attitude and you keep going round and round with no solutions despite many many responses here. You may consider that your issues are not quite what you say they are and dig a little deeper.

Good idea. If you research values in your area according to what houses are like, you could use your time at home with your baby for the Job of making your house increase in value dramatically.

I think you might enjoy refurbishing the house by way of research into builders and all the other tradesmen.

When you redesign it think carefully about cleaning and tidying related to a utility room, a boot room and remembering that, for example, Matt surfaces look cleaner than glossy surfaces. Some houses "work" better than others.

Ps, get yourself out and about, I hope you're doing that with friends and family too. Is your little one in groups?

I've just read to this post and this is your problem! He is, and his blatant disrespect for you as a human being, I had the same issue with my exh and now my DH because I let it happen, I ran after their arse! The same as their Mums did. You're not there to clean up his shit, literally, no one is. No amount of paid help will solve this. It doesn't matter how much he earns @Cnf1 he needs to wake up and realise that despite how much money he provides, you will get to a point it's all too much and leave. Other posters aren't getting the point, all they see is the money and how you should be grateful. If you came on and said my husband earns minimum wage and I constantly clean up after him and clean his skid marks and lift his dishes etc they'd be baying for you the LTB!
My advice, as someone who had a fab career and run myself into the ground with a spoilt exh, deal with it now. I did the same with my now DH and he was mortified when I said I'm not your cleaner, Mum or skivvy.
Good luck, going back to work as a teacher sounds not the way to go tbh. Teaching is changing so much, could you choose another career path and start to PT study?
Don't feel guilty asking him to clear his plate from the table and do the dishes with you. He should be taking time out from work in the evening, 2 hours to enjoy a meal, do a chore with you together as a partnership and settle the wee one with you. Then he can go and work. The business won't fold due to a 2 hour family time window from 6pm to 8pm
Good luck xx

I mean in terms of investments.

If she's anxious and insecure then I'd do everything possible to make her more secure. I wouldn't go back to work yet but would definitely do that longer term. In the meantime I'd buy in some help. Is your husband on top of his finances? You seem to be living quite frugally.

OP...do you see other people, friends? You've not mentioned any sort of social life, either with or without your DH
Has your DD spent any time without you? Time with grandparents, play dates?
You've posted a fair few responses, but none of them mention family or friends. It all sounds very insular

If DH is leaving bathroom dirty - claim another one for your use. Don’t go in it.

e her when I actually have the choice. The studies show that a child who has one consistent caregiver in their first 3 years is more likely to be emotionally stable. I don't want to deny her that. It's a privileged con

I think this is not true or not always true -the children coming to school unable to hold a pencil have not been at a nursery - the e been home with a parent.

Also being at home with a depressed ,bored mother is not in the best place.

I think it's the power dynamic that's unsettling you. And I don't envy you, but as per my previous post that's probably projecting my own past situation,

One thing you can be extremely grateful for is that if/when the marriage breaks down, you will be set up for life.

You will never have to be trapped in an unhappy marriage due to finances or lack of housing options.

That is extremely, extremely fortunate.