Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Unflip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Unflip

1 2 3

Original poster

Husband not earning minimum wage

66 replies

Koalalife · 01/05/2025 16:35

Hi long story but advise welcome.

Been together 12 years and have 2 young children. I work part time because of childcare costs and no stable childcare from family. I have offered to work full time to make the wage up, but he would have to work part time to look after the kids. Basically husband works for family company and he isn't earning minimum wage. I find this really stressful. He works really hard and works long days and really wants to provide for us as a family. But I am struggling as he seems to be living on a promise of success, but it doesnt seem to arrive and if anything the business seems in the worst position it has ever been. It was never really a problem as we just put x in the joint account and the rest of the money was our own independently but I am really noticing after 2 mat leaves and mortgage increase and dropping to partime.
I struggle with it because he has had to ask to be paid a number of times this year the day before our mortgage goes out and one month he wasn't paid until after our mortgage went out and it is making me feel sick.
This has caused a significant disconnect with me and his family because I am so hurt by it and feel really vulnerable. But I feel like the children and I are not being put before this family business. He often says he will get another job but he doesn't have the confidence to apply and feels he owes his loyality to his dad and the business. DH has had significant mental health problems this year and it has really took its toll and I don't think it is the answer to everything but I am at a point where I feel I need him to change jobs to help things improve and at least be paid for the work he is doing.
Very complex relationship between him and his dad. FIL very controlling,emotionally abusive to DH and recently physically abusive - but I have been told this is normal in family businesses by DH, but i havent spoke to FIL in approx 18months.
Please be kind, and we did consider finances prior to our children but things have significanlltly changed, we are meeting all our bills and have some money over but it feels tight with nursery fees also.

OP posts:

Thread gallery

caringcarer · 01/05/2025 21:43

Koalalife · 01/05/2025 16:58

I did think this is what I would hear @Blackdow my family and friends have said the same. I struggle with it because I do really love him but I feel like our family are put in a predicament every month.
@TasWair not farming I feel that would be more stable and so good for his wellbeing
@Blackdow I don't know he must pay NI and tax. But none of it makes sense he doesn't have a pension his dad told him not to get one, which this is another argument we have but I think it's because he won't want to make the employer contributions

He needs to get a job for a different employer. Could you help him with application? If FiL complains tell him you'll report him for not paying minimum wage. Your DH needs to be building up his pension. Your DH is suffering from abuse from his Dad and speaking with a counsellor would help him to understand this. Push for joint counselling.

Blackdow · 01/05/2025 21:21

Koalalife · 01/05/2025 21:10

I gave him an ultimatum and I feel like shit about it. Because I know how hard he has worked and it really isn't in my nature to give ultimatums. I have never gone with ultimatums, he has said he will find a new job but he is really upset about it. He has put his whole working life into the business and he now feels pushed to give up on it. I hope we will get through this. I think there are complexities to this that I don't understand but he feels like he has helped build something and I am making him give it up.
It has been a really difficult time And I would never normally post on here.

He’s built something which is failing. If they can’t pay staff then the business isn’t viable. He needs to do something worthwhile.

cannynotsay · 01/05/2025 21:12

What kind of business is this! One day you may wake up to him having no job he needs to think of you all! Also your Husband would have had to of opted out of the pension scheme. Why can’t he see his Dad is taking advantage of him, it’s financial abuse too

blettedmedlar · 01/05/2025 21:11

This is so screwed up. He needs to find a proper job, and if he won’t, I think this is where you need to seriously consider the future of the relationship.

Original poster

Koalalife · 01/05/2025 21:10

OP posts:

Octavia64 · 01/05/2025 20:55

You can report an employer for not paying minimum wage.

https://www.gov.uk/government/organisations/hm-revenue-customs/contact/national-minimum-wage-enquiries-and-complaints

my SIL wasn’t paid minimum wage when working at a pub.

your DH is being abused. Physical abuse is not normal in family businesses.

National Minimum Wage enquiries and complaints

Contact HMRC with employer enquiries about the National Minimum Wage

https://www.gov.uk/government/organisations/hm-revenue-customs/contact/national-minimum-wage-enquiries-and-complaints

ThinWomansBrain · 01/05/2025 20:50

Koalalife · 01/05/2025 17:29

No siblings don't work there but it has been mentioned it should be split by fil but then said it will be his, it is so conflicting. Tbh I have said about him getting any job I send them all the time but no action on it from his side

The earlier "until it comes good" doesn't sound good - is the business worth inheriting/taking over if it's not making a profit or earning enough to pay even minimum wage?
Could well continue as it is and be a millstone rather than something worth inheriting.

Unless FiL is taking excessive wage or dividends out of the business🙄
Have you seen the accounts, or can DH get hold of them/see them anyway as part of his work?

StMarie4me · 01/05/2025 18:55

Koalalife · 01/05/2025 17:03

@Ginmonkeyagain all of what you said so he works 45hours per week minimum, not salaried, so called minimum wage but it doesn't meet the hours worked even when deductions are applied- i cant make it make sense. Also never a set paydate and is paid late.

He needs to check that tax and NI are being paid, as even on PAYE it is the employee’s responsibility.

All sounds head in the sand illegal to me. And he’ll have no pension contributions either.

Tartanboots · 01/05/2025 18:51

This sounds dreadful and something needs to change. Can he leave this job and look after the kids while you get a full time job? What's stopping him leaving this job? His dad is treating him like a slave.

WellINeverrr · 01/05/2025 18:29

Blackdow · 01/05/2025 16:37

Ultimatum time. He gets a proper job and leaves the family business totally; no helping out, no skipping proper job to give his dad a hand, no free labour. Nothing. He leaves that job and gets a proper job. Or you leave him. You cannot live like this.

This is the only answer.

DeathNote11 · 01/05/2025 17:55

He's trapped in an abusive relationship. He'll only leave it when he's ready to. So you either have to keep on patiently waiting & nudging him in the right direction, or leave yourself. I'd seek advice from your local domestic abuse service provider. See what they suggest. This situation needs more than you're able to do on your own, please seek help. So sorry you're going through it.

Aliceglass · 01/05/2025 17:51

This is a serious problem as I’m sure you’re aware. Is your partners Dad controlling in other ways?
In any other small business set up I’ve worked in it’s normally the bosses kids that get paid the most and work the least.
I’m sure his dad is making a pretty penny out of it but keeping you in poverty. Sounds like coercive behaviour to me.

Original poster

Koalalife · 01/05/2025 17:51

Thanks everyone. I will check back in after bedtime. Really appreciate you all taking your time to give advise.

OP posts:

DoRayMeMeMe · 01/05/2025 17:50

I think you are both hopelessly naive to assume that your FIL won’t fuck over his own child. He is already stealing from your husband, your children, and (of course he isn’t making pension contributions) all your futures.

The thing is though, as an abuser, your FIL thinks your DH deserves to be treated likes this- because he puts up with it. He will financially rape your family, until your husband either walks away, or grows a backbone and puts a stop to it himself.

There won’t be a will so it will be divided between everyone. You know how your FIL thinks and behaves, so your husband is going to have to match him. He is going to have to face him down. But HMRC might help you out here.

user1471538283 · 01/05/2025 17:37

This isn't working now nor will it in the future. The business might only be sustainable because he's not being paid properly.

I'd tell him. He either gets a proper job or that's it. Your DC cannot live like this. He could do this for 30 more years and end up with no pension and no job.

Blackdow · 01/05/2025 17:31

First, check his state pension to ensure his dad has been paying national insurance.

https://www.gov.uk/check-state-pension

Get that checked now.

Then, have a proper conversation. Give him the ultimatum. He has a family to support so he needs to get a job. It is ridiculous as well that he is in employment and has no workplace pension, so you’re going to only have his state pension for his contribution when you both retire. You’ll be supporting his retirement because he won’t be able to afford it.

He needs a proper job with proper pay and a pension.

Check your State Pension forecast

Find out how much State Pension you could get (your forecast), when you could get it and how you could increase it

https://www.gov.uk/check-state-pension

Original poster

Koalalife · 01/05/2025 17:29

OP posts:

Blueskies25 · 01/05/2025 17:27

Koalalife · 01/05/2025 17:25

I knew it was bad but it feels worse now I have written it down. Small business 5 employees but everyone else is paid appropriately but because he is the son he is expected to work for less until it comes good. Promised it will be his business. No dividends for Dh thats for sure. I will have to come up with a plan.

Is the business even worth anything if he inherits it

Original poster

Koalalife · 01/05/2025 17:25

OP posts:

Blueskies25 · 01/05/2025 17:24

Koalalife · 01/05/2025 17:10

@UniqueRedSquid he is always promised the business like its a carrot dangled. But realistically it will be split between him and siblings. But how long is he willing to cope with that his dad is only 65. He needs to make a choice and I know that. I feel gaslit as I am always told my responses are unreasonable and it hasn't got anything to do with me I find this hurtful.

Do his siblings also work for the business

Do you think the FIL is paying himself a higher wage or is everyone at the company paid below the minimum wage

C152 · 01/05/2025 17:18

Can you afford for him to quit and take a month to rest and get himself together before he starts looking for a new job? I think, ultimately, that's what needs to happen. It's not sustainable for him to continue giving his time free of charge to his father. I mean, you could shop his employer to HMRC for failing to pay NMW, but they're obviously going to guess it was you, which would probably spell the end of your relationship...

Original poster

Koalalife · 01/05/2025 17:15

@ThinWomansBrain thanks for this I will take a look.
@InWithPeaceOutWithStress but he gets payslips, he is employed. Surely he exists to the tax man. I don't know anything about employment. I just go to work and get paid so I have never dealt with it in my job.

OP posts:

LumpyPumpkin · 01/05/2025 17:14

Your husband needs to start applying for jobs immediately. Any job will do for now. Once he gets one, he needs to quit working for his family, cut contact with his abusive father and then report the business for failing to pay minimum wage.

It's not normal and it's not ok.

Lovelynames123 · 01/05/2025 17:12

Is the business actually profitable, but they're paying him less to pay themselves more, higher dividends etc?

ladyofshertonabbas · 01/05/2025 17:11

That is a stressful life, you gotta get out of that.

Unflip

1 2 3