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AIBU?

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Original poster

If you had the money, would you send your kids to private school?

181 replies

ItsASunnyDayToday · 01/05/2025 11:55

We have the money to fund private school for our 2 children if we choose to. We are in Surrey so plenty of private schools to choose from. Kids are year 4 and year 5.

Both me and DH were state educated. First in the family to go to university. Both have good professional careers, so up until now I’ve been set on state education. Thinking that with our support they’ll be fine where ever they go.

However, the local secondary school isn’t great, we only have one option due to catchment areas. It’s massive, 210 pupils per year. Ofsted rating is ‘good’ but the local reputation is mixed. Not a grammar school area so all the kids around here go (or private) which means a broad spectrum of social and academic mixing.

There are lots of private schools around here, which would suit my children individually. Some are very academic and fancy, others much more down to earth.

We have already looked at a few, but I can’t bite the bullet and put the kids in private. I just don’t know what’s stopping me. Morals? ethics? Fear of wasting money? What is it?

The financial side isn’t an issue - it is affordable, through to university if they chose, and we’d still have a good standard of living.

YABU - send your kids to private, it’s for the best.
YANBU - state is fine, even if it is only ‘ok’.

OP posts:
Oganesson118 · 01/05/2025 12:29

If the local state options were unacceptable, and the money was there, then yes it is something I would strongly consider.

SaladSandwichesForTea · 01/05/2025 12:27

We have the option but will be going state because

  1. Child's friends will be going there
  2. Money saved could buy them a house
  3. Child is bright and I'd expect top marks, even in a less academic setting. If that isn't looking likely due to child not putting in the effort then moving to private school and away from friends is the stick.

I would think much harder about seperating from my child's existing friendships and going private if my child was excelling at something and the private school can offer that e.g. they are skilled at a particular sport and the private school are especially geared up for it.

That said, my sibling sends theirs private and the kids are lovely and happy and enjoying fantastic opportunities that they wouldn't get locally.

So I think it depends whether you want to pay for the nice experience regardless of whether it makes a difference at the other end academically.

jetlag92 · 01/05/2025 12:24

We've done a mixture of state and private and even the worst private school was much better in terms of teaching, behaviour, opportunities, facilities and engagement with parents that than the best state school (and this was an apparently outstanding grammar).

Just look round and then decide.

ThymeScent · 01/05/2025 12:22

Yes no question. The money we spent on education was the best investment ever. Not because we were trying to ‘buy results’ but we wanted them to have a positive working environment.
It was only later the I retrained myself as a teacher and saw the reality in state schools.
Just look in the ‘staff room’ section of the Education topic to see what conditions state school teachers are facing.
I then chose to work in an independent school -world apart in terms of the learning experience and was even more thankful we had made that decision.
(Just as many, if not more, SEN in the indie, btw in case people think it is because they avoid taking SEN)

noworklifebalance · 01/05/2025 12:20

I can summarise the next 40 pages for you, @ItsASunnyDayToday

  • private schools entrench privilege
  • private schools buy privilege
  • private schools are a waste of money
  • private school pupils are spoon fed
  • private school pupils are not bright
  • private school pupils are only brighter because of the small class sizes
  • private school pupils do not do as well as state school in universities/work
  • private school pupils have an unfair advantage
  • private school teachers are not qualified
  • you will be bullied in private school
  • we scrimp to pay for our DC’s fees
  • all private school parents are wealthy even if they say they are not
  • state school classes are disruptive
  • you will be bullied in state school
  • state schools allow you to mix with all walks of life
  • I struggled in state school and was bullied for wanting to learn
  • state schools teachers are stretched and struggle to teach
  • state school teachers are qualified
  • state schools are fine for 93% of the population
  • my DC got all 9s at state school, went to Russell group university/Oxbridge
  • I wouldn’t send my DC to private school even though I can afford it (doesn’t mention how expensive the catchment area of the state school is)

You get the general gist

LandSharksAnonymous · 01/05/2025 12:03

Any parent who has any reservations about state education near them, and can afford a good private school, should send their child to private schools IMO.

FWIW, DH and I were both state educated (in very grotty state schools) and first to go to university. So, in a very similar position to you. We now live in an area with a decent state school but it was a no brainer when it came to sending DC to private school.

Morals and ethics are all well and good - but not when you're thinking of your child's future.