If you had the money, would you send your kids to private school?

My local indie is shit, my friend pulled her daughter out after a year and I reckon it will close before too long.

None of those I’ve visited are interested in my SEN child, as he won’t provide the academic or sporting achievement they pride themselves on. Guess its nice to be able to chose who you educate.

All my money has gone on my kids education.

There is a lot to consider. You say financially you can definitely afford it but where does it leave you for the future? We could afford it but I’d rather retire sooner. We are able to save and put away for a pension and hope to retire in our 50s. Go travelling and see the world (some more) before dc have gc. I’d rather do that.

I went to state school but had lots of friends growing up who went private. Many of their parents are worse off than my parents as a result. Some precariously so.

I know lots of families with children in private now and not one of them is 100% happy with the school, and rightly so, you expect a service and complain if you’re not getting it. I know of two families who have moved their kids to various schools to try and find the perfect fit.

I know kids who are ND who do to private for the smaller classes and I can see why they feel they need to do it. But if your kids are able and motivated I don’t see that you have to do it.

It would very much depend on the school, facilities available and if dc actually wanted to go there.

My dsis and I were privately educated. I started in Blackheath, then Cobham and then we moved further out and the school that I spend the majority of my educational life at wasn't the best and some of the boarders are still dealing with some real trauma. So they're not all wonderful!

For the secondaries you are interested in…
I’d see what the teacher turnover is like. Teachers tend to stick around at good schools which have good leadership. If it’s a revolving door of teachers, that’s a very bad sign.

I’d ask parents who have children at secondary schools if the schools set homework. H/w is a vexed issue for teachers, and they often don’t chase up or punish if the child fails to do it. But they should at least be setting it. Once it is set, the rest is really up to families. Ask how they know it’s being set (kids often deliberately won’t write it in their planners). Software like ‘Show My Homework’ allows parents at home to see if it’s being set.

Results usually reflect the catchment area. You’re not going to get great results in a run down area. But it’s still worth a look, bearing catchments in mind. These are available online. ‘Progress 8’ measures the distance between where a child was at the end of primary (ks2) to the end of secondary (ks4). Type ‘how to access progress 8 data’ into Google.

You could observe children arriving at the schools you’re interested in. If a significant minority rock up after the start of the school day, that would be a bad sign.

Mainly, I suppose, speak to parents who already have children at the schools you’re considering, and see what their experiences are like.

Take the Ofsted reports with a pinch of salt, but the ‘parent view’ section can be interesting. If not many parents bother to complete the survey, that’s not a great sign. Youd ideally want a school where the parents are engaged and on board with the school.

Good luck.

If you can afford it you should pay.

it’s unethical to waste taxpayer resources you don’t need.

Screamed that she was a "fucking slut" across the Dining Room at her.

I'm really sorry to hear something bad happened to your DD. Given it was a turn around and such a quick expulsion what on earth did this horrible child do?

If state are not great and you can afford then it’s the logical thing. Mine went to state but both an outstanding primary and secondary, and both got top grades. Ex DP’s brother made a comment how it was all for free when DD got all 9’s at GCSE as he is paying in excess of 50k a year for education for an 8yr old and 5yr old (and a baby later on).

I would send my daughter to a private school in a heartbeat if I could afford to. Unfortunately Labour have now made it even harder now, cunts.

Your responsibility as a parent is to do what you think is the best for your child. If you think private is best, then 100% you should do that. I can’t believe you would make a decision that would disadvantage your own child to satisfy some internal ethics

This was very much the case for us.
I sit on the PX panel at our local Comp and the things some kids have done and have not been PX'd is shocking.
Any 1 of the things they have done would have had them straight out of my DC's Private school and these kids are usually in front of the PX panel after many many incidents.
My DD's bully was gonee withing 24 hours while my friend had to with draw her DD from another school (State) after multiple incidents.
Of course some State schools deal vey well with bullying etc but many have their hands tied

We use private for the sole reason that our private school can and does remove violent and disruptive children. Our state school (Scotland) cannot. The difference in happiness of our child and their academic attainment from being in a calm, safe environment is staggering.

Yes, without a doubt.

I would definitely not.
I didn't.
My child is thriving in state and friends with people from all different backgrounds and walks of life.

I went to 3 secondary schools - a grammar, a private school and a state school. Based on my own experience, hands down I would choose private school if I could for my kids. Better facilities, smaller classes, sense of pride in the school. I felt like I was treated like an individual at private school, not just a number.

Of course not all state, grammar and private schools are equal but if you are not keen on your local state secondary, either move house or pay for private as you can afford it.

I’d send mine private if I could afford it, but only if I knew that I was buying smaller class sizes, better guaranteed behaviour, specialist staff, better results, help with Personal Statements, getting into the better universities, well equipped and maintained facilities and a healthy bank balance. Not just a cute uniform.

I wouldn’t hesitate to buy my kids advantage in such a way, if I could, or needed to.

However, I’d be upfront and readily admit I know I’m buying my kids advantage over others. I can’t stand the ‘I’m doing it for the music and drama’ apologists. You’re not, you’re doing it for better grades in a nicer environment.

@iseethembloom just saw this post from you- I have a DD in Y4 so starting to look at secondariesster this year. What research do you recommend doing? I’m going to all open days and asking people in my village about options as I haven’t lived I. The area for very long. Anything else I should do?

Yes, it is worth it - the experience of being at school is different

It’s all well and good for those in areas with great state schools and grammars to say they wouldn’t send their child to a private school, however not all state schools are equal. I was fortunate to go to a very good state school however the area I live in now has two very poor options. Whilst the private options aren’t perfect, at least the class sizes are smaller and they are an improvement on the state option. Lastly, this should also be considered on a child by child basis. I feel my DD would struggle in a very large setting and the option of private would be a positive step for her

Yes, if you haven't a good state option. I have two in private myself. You're paying for class sizes. However if I could do it again, I'd have done more research and found one a bit more academic. Ours has a lot of SEN kids which means the non SEN kids get less attention naturally. As a group it works well socially but less so academically. Look around and see what works, but absolutely, if you can afford it, do it.

I have one child with a spld similar (but different) to dyslexia, as well as another with ASD. We moved to private for the ASD child who couldn’t cope in a class of 30+, but actually our dyslexic-ish child is getting the most support and seeing the most benefit at the moment. I do all sorts at home, but it makes a real difference to have an engaged teacher making small but important adaptations in the classroom. Not that state school teachers wouldn’t try, but in a small class you really get personalised support. The extracurriculars also make an outsized difference for children that struggle with core subjects.

If your state option isn't great and you can afford it, why would you not?

Bear in mind though that 11 plus entry is very competitive and there will be a whole hoopla about exam prep and schools like Guildford High or Hampton are taking the top 2% max. So ability to pay the fees means nothing if they don't get a place (which most won't). It's not as bad as London though, so there is that.

YABU - I couldn’t afford to send mine, but would consider it if I could. It’s great you have the option.

I went to a failing state school (it was almost shut!) then an outstanding sixth form (of equal quality to the local private schools). As a child who was identified as gifted, I was OK as in I wasn’t bullied and had friends, but I wasn’t adequately stretched. I had to teach myself most of the Chemistry GCSE syllabus using revision guides at home, loads of material I’d never seen, both because of disruptive behaviour and a string of supply teachers.

When I started sixth form, it was surreal, I genuinely couldn’t believe the difference in overall behaviour (the classes were quiet, nobody was throwing anything or fighting) and how interested and keen everybody was to learn. I thrived there and at university. It was a relief and I felt less alone,

So if your children are very bright, they may get more out of a private school given that you said your local secondary isn’t great. I’d go for it! 😊

I chose not to enter my eldest into the grammars near me. They are exceeding etc etc but they are not a genius & they aren't particularly studious. The London grammar's are so competitive and I think they prefer being top set/top of the class as opposed to distinctly average in a grammar if that makes sense.