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Original poster

Not sure what to do regarding my kids and religion

28 replies

xhicki · 01/05/2025 10:42

I was raised catholic, but not particularly strict.

It was a big deal around the time of my holy communion when I was 8, as you need to attend church and catechism every week. We tended to go to church at Christmas and Easter too. But that was about it.

My grandparents were church goers as was/ is my aunt and godmother.

After the holy communion stuff my parents didn’t really take us to church much. At school I went to chapel almost every day of the week and sat through services every Sunday. I went to an Anglican boarding school.

anyway, I would say I’m quite removed from it all now and I don’t really like going to church. I don’t feel a connection to it.

my husband was raised catholic as well, stricter than me. More church going and he was confirmed, whereas I wasn’t confirmed ( until before I got married, as my husband really wanted to marry in a church and I had to be confirmed because I’m catholic, marrying another catholic).

we have two kids, who we’ve baptised, catholic.

they’re still small. Under 5. We’ve gone to church a few times with them, the grandparents and godparents take them sometimes ( at Christmas and also randomly ).

they don’t go to a catholic school.

I am feeling conflicted about how to raise them tbh. I always thought I would go through the motion of doing the traditional things with them like holy communion and confirmation and then leave them to it. But now I just don’t know if I can do that because I’m just not into it myself at all. I can see that the grandparents and godparents want to take charge of this for us and are pushing church a lot and I’m not sure I really like it, seeing as we just don’t really go.

my husband is definitely removed from it as well, but a little bit closer to it than I am.

I guess what I’m saying is that I would like to be the one to bring it to my kids and not the grandparents but seeing as I don’t really practice at all and don’t have a connection to it, should I just leave it ?

I know we had them christened, but it’s more symbolic and traditional to me, rather than because I believe in it all. The same for my wedding in church, I only did it because I knew my husband wanted to but it he hadn’t, I wouldn’t have.

their grandparents and aunts and uncles are involved in their lives in many ways. I’m just to sure I’m comfortable with them bringing religion to my kids when we don’t really practice it. Also they’re only 5 and 3 and have said they don’t like church and find it boring.

OP posts:
MojoMoon · 01/05/2025 10:56

Why would you "go through the motion" of doing holy communion and confirmation if you don't believe in the faith and if your kids show no interest in going?

For the photos? To have a little party after?

phinalinabeena · 01/05/2025 10:53

How to you prepare for their first Holy Communion if the children are not in a Catholic school? I was raised Catholic by a devout Mother, went to church every Sunday and every Holy Day of Obligation. All the preparation for Confession, first Holy Communion and then Confirmation were all done within school hand in hand with the church of the same name.

It seems you want the pomp and ceremony without the underlying beliefs and the regular church attendance.

You would need to talk to the priest at the Catholic church to ask their views on whether your children could have Holy Communion. I mean maybe times have changed (I am now not practising) but if you missed mass then you had to attend confession before being able to take Holy Communion again. We even went to Catholic churches whilst on holiday abroad, as I said, my Mother was devout.

LonelyLeveret · 01/05/2025 10:51

I really feel like religion is a thing people should discover for themselves if and when they want to rather than have it forced on them as a child. I was christened and had to go to boring classes in the run up to my confirmation prior to secondary school. My grandparents insisted. I have never believed and consider myself an atheist. It made me quite resentful if I'm honest, I wanted to sit around watching cartoons and eat cereal out the box on a Sunday like my other teenage friends and I was dragged up for an 8am church service every weekend. If anything it's made me more anti religion. Ultimately, do what you feel is right for your immediate family (by that I mean husband and children)and ignore people trying to takeover and push their views on you.