Guests wasting food

Put out smaller plates - sorry if suggested already.

This.

An unwanted guest that OP can't leave out, unfortunately.

As a good host, you cannot and should not police what your guests eat or don’t eat.

Going to put it out there... it's her not the food that's the problem!

Of course you can imagine being so rude. You have just been really rude to the OP by implying that she is serving horrible food.

As this guest does this every time, if the food is so awful, why does she take so much of it?

It's like the Woody Allen joke about the two Jewish women complaining about a restaurant. Woman A: "The food here is terrible." Woman B: "Yes, and such small portions.

Besides, maybe she ends up not eating it all because the food is shit and she’s trying to be polite by taking some instead of turning her nose up. I went to a BBQ once and was faced with many dishes that had mayo in them that had obviously been left out too long, a burger that wasn’t fully cooked. So despite intending to eat a full meal, I had to pretend pick at food to not offend my hosts by making their lack of food safety and hygiene into an issue,

@SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice I presume you've attended one of my exMIL BBQs? I remember she took some sausages out the freezer, they defrosted in the sunshine and never got cooked, then she popped them back in the freezer again .....

Is it really that much of big deal? What's the value of food that could possibly be on her plate?

You're not a restaurant so there's no markup and you're just losing the cost price for a sausage and some sides. £5 at most? That's the same as two drinks and any good host should be gracious enough to "spend" that value on their guests.

She almost certainly has an eating disorder and is attempting to hide it by serving herself a huge plate and hoping others see that. This is extremely common with ED or ARFID and she assumes nobody will notice her not eating the food.

Is it really worth making a huge drama over one single guest with a MH disorder?

do you need to be so rude?

Foxes are almost certainly likely to be around anyway, so why not feed them food that will be thrown away otherwise?

Is there some way you could seat a friend near to her who would take a bit less food than they otherwise would, and then when Wendy Wastrel sighs and pushes her plate away, say "Ooh, could I have that sausage? There weren't any when I went up and they look lovely". (Not everyone will be comfortable with taking food that's been on someone else's plate, but when I was growing up it was normal because waste would have been a bigger problem.)

Otherwise I agree with the PP who suggests serving guests the meat, one piece at a time. "Bit of steak, Wendy, or a chicken thigh? I'll pop back when you've finished your sausage". No need to confront, just make it slightly harder for her to accumulate lots of food.

One other consideration is that Wendy herself may not be very happy with the situation. Perhaps she knows she can't eat a lot, but she feels obliged to take some of everything because she was taught it was polite (implicitly saying "It all looks lovely"). Maybe you can't have a conversation with her about it, but it could be that a slight nudge of some kind would allow her the psychological safety to not fill up. (Or of course she could be a selfish CF, who knows. Is she otherwise considered a nice person, or is this behaviour with food part of a pattern?)

Re not bringing a contribution, you could try sending an email to her ( just to her) saying

“Many thanks to the people who have offered bringing to bring drinks and desserts to share. If anyone else would like to contribute then some wine ,beer or soft drinks would be gratefully appreciated .”

if you are lucky you might get a litre of supermarket lemonade out of her!

This. No feelings hurt and everyone gets a choice.

Someone on MN bought these plates for bbq’s, 6 for £1. Yes they are for kids, but perfect for mingling as it’s easy to keep the food on the plate.

www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/kalas-plate-mixed-colours-80461380/

Do you have to invite her?

I think you need to cater to your audience.

So don't do mountains of food, assuming a lot will be wasted.

Do two chicken legs per person, a sausage and a burger. I mean, even that's overcatering, especially if I'm right in saying you're also providing salads and spuds and other bits.

Also - have people come up for the items you've just cooked. "chicken's ready" then she can have her portion and you hand it out, instead of her taking twice the normal portion.

Honestly, if you really hate her this much just don’t invite her.

I can understand your annoyance, clearly it’s a family member you can’t not invite

Wasting meat at a BBQ is a costly concern, especially with plenty of hungry people about, who could happily devour the wasted food.

I would use the small plate option, and serve the meats seperately, and omit this person, if they have a full plate already.

Difficult if you are having a large party though, or have need to prepare some in preparation, and when at some point the meats re all ready and people self serve.

Id be really quite cross, as this is clearly a regular thing.

I'm not sure you should be encouraging foxes to visit your neighbourhood.

I was also made to sit at the table for hours and hours. Fortunately, by the time the younger siblings came along, my father had realised this was stupid.
What is interesting as well is that finding out in adulthood that one of the foods I couldn't finish is generally considered really awful anyway - tinned meatballs.
Another thing I couldn't cope with was Weetabix that had gone too mushy. I was really heaving with it.

Or stop inviting her🤷‍♀️

Space out the food (surely it will all get cold if you try and do it all at once, unless you have an industrial sized bbq). Do the steak first whilst the coals are hot, then lamb, chicken, fish/seafood. When an item is finished on the bbq, put it on a large serving plate and ask your partner to take it round to everyone (give him the tongs so he can dish it to people).

Use smaller plates.

Smaller plates. Ignore what she wastes from that. It may be she has her own issues around food?

I was brought up by a mother who had been brought up in WW2 and have had the same aversion to waste drummed in, so I feel your conflict!

I would say to everyone to bring their own drinks, that's quite usual thing to do. Bring what you want to drink. Still have some reserves for when it runs out but bring tour own drink is a normal thing to ask.
Re the food, for the meat serve it, for the salads you will have to suck it up as can't really ration someones salad portions, unless you serve that too but that will be a faff.
Also small plates is a good idea!