Guests wasting food

Does a BBQ have to be big? It’s just a different way of cooking meat, it shouldn’t mean it’s an excuse to waste food.

@Gwenhwyfar You're quite correct. I say it to DS, not to force food down, then I do it myself!

It’s really inhospitable to comment on how much food a guest takes, whether they eat it or not. Pointing this out to her or treating her differently to other guests would be incredibly rude. It’s one BBQ for goodness sake, it’s not like she’s round at yours for dinner once a week.

Maybe she doesn’t like the cheap sausages or Iceland burgers you serve. Sometimes I go to a gathering where the food is really not to my taste but I’m obliged to put some on my plate, otherwise I’ll be quizzed as to why I’m not eating.

Your resentment seems to be more around her coming empty-handed. There’s nothing wrong with adding a cheery “please bring a bottle!” to your invitations when you send them out.

Bring your own wine!
Don't be so stingy; eating (or not as it seems) and drinking everything provided, and then moaning about it. If you're so worried about the hosts comments simply say... don't worry, the wine is for me. You don't have to drink any.
Going to someone's house for a party/bbq whatever, with your hands hanging is the height of rudeness!

It would get on my wick too OP 😂 I really don’t like food waste, and I pop any big bowls of cous cous/pasta salads/anything else like that back in the fridge after a BBQ for another lunch/dinner for us as a family, but that’s harder to do once it’s already on someone else’s plate 😂

However, I think I would let it go and not say anything. Sometimes guests may have tried something new and not liked it, not realised how spicy/seasoned it was/be up and down with their kids and it’s gone cold/not realised how drunk they’d be and how it would affect their appetite, etc etc.

I’m with you on bringing something- I personally would always take a bottle/bunch of flowers/ask them host in advance if I could make/buy anything to contribute to the BBQ. Sometimes I’ve genuinely not needed anything, and tend to just say to any guests who ask to please just bring themselves…I am definitely not expecting something if they then don’t 😂 it’s always a much appreciated gesture if somebody does ask or bring you a little surprise, more about the thought for me than what they spent 😊

Urgh I feel your pain. I have to go to a BBQ soon where the host is really unwelcoming and uptight. The food is dreadful but I don't want to be rude, so I pile my plate high while she is watching, and hope that she doesn't notice I don't eat most of it. I don't bring anything with me as I know she would mock my taste in wine but I have to drink copious amounts of alcohol just to get through the afternoon. These things are a nightmare.

If she is filling a plate, then it can only be half a plate of waste. I wouldn't even notice tbh. I suspect it is more that she arrives empty handed that irks you the most - and YANBU for that.

BBQ's are for fillings plates though so for that YABU. If you hate food waste so much then don't have a buffet style BBQ or don't invite her

These are the only reasonable options IMO.

If you can't cope with a guest not eating everything on their plate, maybe hosting meals just isn't for you.

Is this your DM/MIL and do you have children?

If so, yet one of them to comment on why Grandma hasn't eaten her dinner, and then you can kindly offer a doggy bag.

Yeah, that's rude too, but so is waste.

You could stagger salads and stuff, and say I’ve brought out x amount, and have more in the fridge if you’d like it

Wow…you sound awful

I agree with this. It seems really petty and mean spirited to be watching guests’ plates to the extent you know how much they are eating. If it bothers you that much do as others say and cook in stages.

I agree. I hate waste.

Cook the food in stages so there’s not a huge amount ready all at once and do get some smaller plates-then there won’t be room for a mountain of food.

Because meat eating is a massive contributor to climate change and BBQing is obviously awful for the environment.

That's what we do at our club fundraisers we've some greedy bastards who will heap up their plates robbing those at the back of the queue of a choice. It really riled me.

Surely those that host big meaty BBQs cant really care that much about food waste?

Huh? This makes no sense. Explain why you think there's a relationship between meaty BBQs and waste?

Nothing goes to wasted when I do a BBQ

Bloody hell, crying into your beer over a couple of wasted bangers. You have no idea what issues are driving this woman's relationship with food. Let her be for goodness sake. Do you really want to humiliate her?

Do you get invited to many bbqs, or any social events?
Surprising if so, if you're this unnecessarily bitchy in real life

This^.... and point out to her that the amount of food she wastes is unacceptable.
That should give her the hint.

We do this too. DH is the BBQer in our house and this is exactly how he operates!

It would piss me off too watching food go to waste

Surely those that host big meaty BBQs cant really care that much about food waste? If it's the cost, don't host. The money is spent either way. Or be honest with all guests before 'Im inviting you but I find food waste disgusting and will actively monitor your intake, so please only accept if you're willing to clear your plate'.

Op, you will enjoy the BBQ more if you are not monitoring one guest. It seems bonkers to do that.

Be a gracious host but - think as to why anyone might throw away food.
Is the food too salty? - it looks appetizing but when bitten into guest cannot tolerate the salt.
Is the food over fatty?
Is the food too large in portion size?

Supply smaller sausages/meat and plates.
Have on offer at all times - fresh leafy salads, rice salad, potato salad, iced water and non alcoholic punch.

Give out smaller plates.