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Original poster

Guests wasting food

283 replies

PottersMarsBars · 01/05/2025 10:03

We have a bbq coming up and one of the guests is known for overfilling her plate and only eating a small amount of it. She does it every single time. I don’t feel comfortable saying anything as it might cause friction with the relationship dynamics but seeing an obscene amount of food going into the bin really pisses me off it’s like she’s throwing my money away. On top of that she comes over with empty hands, not that we need anything but I wouldn’t go to someone’s house and not take a bottle of wine with me specially when she drinks a lot. Would it be wrong if I served her instead of letting her serve herself? Not inviting her isn’t an option unfortunately.

OP posts:
RAVENCONNIE · 03/05/2025 12:21

Love that correction.

UnstableCrow · 03/05/2025 12:18

RAVENCONNIE · 03/05/2025 12:17

Lastly...who BBQ's in January? Your post was on Jan. 5th. Wondering what the deal is here.

First of May…

RAVENCONNIE · 03/05/2025 12:17

Lastly...who BBQ's in January? Your post was on Jan. 5th. Wondering what the deal is here.

RAVENCONNIE · 03/05/2025 12:15

Also...there's the eating disorder part we should all consider. Also...maybe your she gives your food a solid chance everything. But each time, she can't bear to eat it. Cause maybe it's not the best?

RAVENCONNIE · 03/05/2025 12:13

It's ESPECIALLY, not specially

PottersMarsBars · 01/05/2025 10:03
We have a bbq coming up and one of the guests is known for overfilling her plate and only eating a small amount of it. She does it every single time. I don’t feel comfortable saying anything as it might cause friction with the relationship dynamics but seeing an obscene amount of food going into the bin really pisses me off it’s like she’s throwing my money away. On top of that she comes over with empty hands, not that we need anything but I wouldn’t go to someone’s house and not take a bottle of wine with me Webster's Dictionary specially when she drinks a lot. (It's ALOT...one word, ya dumb dumb). Would it be wrong if I served her instead of letting her serve herself? Not inviting her isn’t an option unfortunately.

JP313 · 03/05/2025 12:12

Meadowfinch · 01/05/2025 10:16

I always serve barbecue food, cook it in series, so things aren't all cooked, and risk it burning at the same time.

I'd put bread, salads and drinks out, and have the sausages ready first. Serve everyone a sausage, then the steaks and then the chicken which takes longest to cook anyway, so perfectly reasonable.

My parents do this when we all go there and it really works because you just stop taking things when you're full. Saves cooking too much and wasting it too if everyone's had enough

DraigCymraeg · 03/05/2025 12:06

PottersMarsBars · 01/05/2025 10:03

We have a bbq coming up and one of the guests is known for overfilling her plate and only eating a small amount of it. She does it every single time. I don’t feel comfortable saying anything as it might cause friction with the relationship dynamics but seeing an obscene amount of food going into the bin really pisses me off it’s like she’s throwing my money away. On top of that she comes over with empty hands, not that we need anything but I wouldn’t go to someone’s house and not take a bottle of wine with me specially when she drinks a lot. Would it be wrong if I served her instead of letting her serve herself? Not inviting her isn’t an option unfortunately.

Yes - serve it up yourself and if possible use a smaller plate. If she makes a comment, I'd say 'I've noticed you only have a small appetite, and we all hate waste don't we'?.

RedHelenB · 03/05/2025 02:23

If you despise them that much then don't invite them.

DisabledDemon · 03/05/2025 02:15

Definitely the smaller plates option.

But how rude to not even turn up with a bottle of wine, especially when she likes a drink! That really is CFuckery. If you're having another BBQ, when you issue her an invitation, say 'BTW, it's bring a bottle. We can't keep on supplying all the booze, it's too expensive.'

If she turns up empty-handed, give her a glass of orange squash and say, 'But as you didn't bring any alcohol, we presumed that you didn't want any.' She'll soon get the message.

ByDearBear · 03/05/2025 00:34

Have people go to the BBQ to be served the meat/fish individually by the person cooking it. That way, worst case scenario, she wastes a bit of salad etc but can’t help herself to the more expensive items.

carchi · 02/05/2025 21:35

MrsEverest · 01/05/2025 10:19

Dear god what a joyless host.

If you’re happy serving sausages and burgers you’re not the environmental warrior you think you are. Be a gracious host.

The suggestions to give her a doggy bag!! I can’t imagine being so rude.

The alternative of course would be to make nicer food.

Edited
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The OP is not a joyless host rather the guest is the joyless one. Why should she consistently take way more food than she knows that she can eat and not bother to ever bring a drink when she obviously consumes plenty. Also being environmentally friendly is just as much about not wasting food as what food you serve.

fataroundthemiddle · 02/05/2025 20:22

Emonade · 02/05/2025 14:25

it sounds like she has issues with food so definitely do not say anything

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Well let her have her issues at her own expense in her own home. Poor thing…
Now everyone has an excuse for their bad behavior..issues with food indeed.

fataroundthemiddle · 02/05/2025 20:15

I’ve seen the same at hotel buffets. Fill their plate to overflowing then pick at it and leave most of it.

fataroundthemiddle · 02/05/2025 20:11

I can’t stand waste either. Ungreatful cow

Feelingmuchbetter · 02/05/2025 19:37

Emonade · 02/05/2025 19:34

How do you know she doesn’t?

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Quite. To me op sounds rude and presumptuous and not at all a good host.

Emonade · 02/05/2025 19:34

PottersMarsBars · 01/05/2025 22:17

Thank you all for your replies, there are some very good practical suggestions here and I will definitely consider them but those far fetched assumptions like I serve shit food or that my ‘special’ guest has an eating disorder, rest assured neither is true. For the PP that was served coleslaw left outside the fridge overnight, I feel for you, you’re obviously still traumatised about it and I don’t blame you 🤢🤢🤢

How do you know she doesn’t?

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 02/05/2025 18:39

MrsEverest · 01/05/2025 10:19

Dear god what a joyless host.

If you’re happy serving sausages and burgers you’re not the environmental warrior you think you are. Be a gracious host.

The suggestions to give her a doggy bag!! I can’t imagine being so rude.

The alternative of course would be to make nicer food.

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Only just seen this but to answer, nothing to do with the environment and everything to do with cost and the pure greed and disrespectfulness of a person who thinks this is ok. HTH.

Newoxonbird · 02/05/2025 17:55

This would make me so angry.
It's very rude to take food then leave it. Especially if she does it repeatedly.
And to come to someone's house for food and drink and arrive empty handed is a massive NO NO in my book.
It's just really entitled.
I would put her on the spot and serve her. Let others help themselves but not her.
And only offer her soft drinks.
I swear to God with people like this you have to speak their language.
She doesn't care about your standards so why should you worry about offending her ?
She's a peasant.

caringcarer · 02/05/2025 17:49

I'd sit the dogs next to her. If she does want her burger or sausage they'd like it. It wouldn't get wasted.

UnstableCrow · 02/05/2025 15:17

Emonade · 02/05/2025 14:25

it sounds like she has issues with food so definitely do not say anything

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It really doesn’t. OP has also already confirmed this is definitely not the case.

BigDahliaFan · 02/05/2025 14:44

@Emonade sounds like she has issues with being a poor guest....why would issues with food mean she doesn't bring a bottle but drinks loads?

Emonade · 02/05/2025 14:25

PottersMarsBars · 01/05/2025 10:03

We have a bbq coming up and one of the guests is known for overfilling her plate and only eating a small amount of it. She does it every single time. I don’t feel comfortable saying anything as it might cause friction with the relationship dynamics but seeing an obscene amount of food going into the bin really pisses me off it’s like she’s throwing my money away. On top of that she comes over with empty hands, not that we need anything but I wouldn’t go to someone’s house and not take a bottle of wine with me specially when she drinks a lot. Would it be wrong if I served her instead of letting her serve herself? Not inviting her isn’t an option unfortunately.

it sounds like she has issues with food so definitely do not say anything

Glitchymn1 · 02/05/2025 13:08

I also hate food waste, I’m very open about it.

godmum56 · 02/05/2025 13:03

HiRen · 02/05/2025 12:50

I don’t see why OP needs to avoid bad feelings. She is being put in the position of having her hospitality abused. The person who is causing bad feelings is the guest, who is arriving at a BBQ empty-handed (again) and taking food away from others and throwing it in the bin. If she doesn’t like this being pointed out to her, she can go home to coddle her bad feelings. Why should OP be taking responsibility for this poorly behaved guest’s self-inflicted feelings?

Really, the best course of action is to not invite someone so poorly behaved to your home. They should meet elsewhere, and if for food at a venue where everyone pays for themselves.

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Neither do I but as per her post that seems to be what she wants.

HiRen · 02/05/2025 12:50

godmum56 · 02/05/2025 07:56

And again this is not going to avert the bad feeling that the OP says they want to avoid......

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I don’t see why OP needs to avoid bad feelings. She is being put in the position of having her hospitality abused. The person who is causing bad feelings is the guest, who is arriving at a BBQ empty-handed (again) and taking food away from others and throwing it in the bin. If she doesn’t like this being pointed out to her, she can go home to coddle her bad feelings. Why should OP be taking responsibility for this poorly behaved guest’s self-inflicted feelings?

Really, the best course of action is to not invite someone so poorly behaved to your home. They should meet elsewhere, and if for food at a venue where everyone pays for themselves.