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Original poster

Am I being too clingy to my husband?

61 replies

Spiralfire · 01/05/2025 07:57

We have 1 year old twins.
I have always been happy to spend time with my husband, but since the twins I feel I have become clingier.

He works FT and I am currently a SAHM. Whilst he’s at work I always try to make plans with friends and family to keep myself busy with the stress of twins, and I always say to him just give me 1 day off a week where it’s just us and we can maybe go for brunch and generally spend the day together.

I find I revolve my plans around him so we can spend time together, but he would say well we’ve had an hour brunch so I’ll go and do my own sports activities/ other family member errands etc for the rest of my days off.

We had intimacy issues due to the twins which are slowly getting better, but I feel e.g. he’s off today and we’re busy during the day and I have plans in the evening to go to the cinema after years with family, but I feel bad as we won’t be spending time together, but if he was in my shoes he wouldn’t feel bad at all.

Am I being too clingy? He sometimes makes it out like I am

OP posts:
GRex · 01/05/2025 08:05

Spiralfire · 01/05/2025 08:00

Hi
no maybe I worded it wrong

He Has 2 days off a week as do most people. What I ask him for is one of those days off he spends with me and the kids for the day.

Show quote history

Ok, I'm missing something here, when is he actually parenting his own children? It sounds like he wants to just play and not have any responsibilities. Lovely, but no. Your enabling this by begging him to eat a meal with you. When is he taking the twins for your time off? When do you have days out with new hobbies that accommodate the children?

Itchyblister · 01/05/2025 08:03

Tonight he is with the twins and you’re going to the cinema

what was his reaction to that?

LovingLurker · 01/05/2025 08:03

I don’t have a ton of advice but I know having a 1 year old was very hard for us, Nevermind 2. I think maternity leave and sleep deprivation do not help.

We had a few conversations about things and things are completely different now and we are very happy, but I feel like this also comes down to our daughter sleeping and being older, it changes things. I think having my own things to do also helped ? I went back to work pt but if that’s not for you maybe find some other things to concentrate on that are just yours and have another conversation with him about how your feeling.

SaladSandwichesForTea · 01/05/2025 08:02

So he basically spends no time with you at the weekend and acts like SAHM means full time babysitter, rather than weekday childcare?

And are you a SAHM or are you on maternity leave? Are younplanning to go back to work? Have you had a conversation around expectations?

I don't know why he thinks the weekend is hos free time. He is 50% responsible for them.when he isn't at work.

Phoebepeeby · 01/05/2025 08:02

I don’t think you are from what you have written. I would imagine with 1 year old twins that it’s easy to forget about yourselves and your relationship. It sounds like it’s a priority for you but he also wants to have some down time.
You said that you are going out tonight. Does that mean on your own? No dc and no Dh? So you both get individual down time but not time together as such?

Being a sahm can be very lonely.

Itchyblister · 01/05/2025 08:02

Spiralfire · 01/05/2025 08:00

Hi
no maybe I worded it wrong

He Has 2 days off a week as do most people. What I ask him for is one of those days off he spends with me and the kids for the day.

Show quote history

Do you feel like you also get sufficient time to do your own thing with friends and family?

Itchyblister · 01/05/2025 08:01

he’s off today and we’re busy during the day

busy with chores? The twins?

Original poster
Spiralfire · 01/05/2025 08:00

Itchyblister · 01/05/2025 07:59

You want him to take a day off during the week and go from brunch

but he works FULL TIME and is the sole financial provider OP

or is this at the weekends? Who would have the twins?

Edited

Hi
no maybe I worded it wrong

He Has 2 days off a week as do most people. What I ask him for is one of those days off he spends with me and the kids for the day.

OP posts:
TY78910 · 01/05/2025 08:00

I think it’s important to have family time as well as both your own time. I don’t know in the grand scheme of things if you are clingy, depends if there is a balance in when he goes out vs time spent with you. It is important for both of you though to spend time on your individual interests. It’s hard with small babies to find this time and the right balance, as a SAHM you will also feel like you need adult conversation and time with your partner, but he will feel exhausted from being at work and talking to adults all day. You both just need to see the other side of the coin.

SallySooo · 01/05/2025 08:00

Hi @Spiralfireif he is working full time he probably has plans to fit in exercise and bits on his days off so doing brunch and then going off for a couple of hours to do something seems ok, so long as he’s generally around? Of course you should also be entitled to have time to do your own stuff but I think expecting a full day together is slightly suffocating if one is working Monday - Friday inclusive and wants to fit in other bits on weekends?

Itchyblister · 01/05/2025 07:59

You want him to take a day off during the week and go from brunch

but he works FULL TIME and is the sole financial provider OP

or is this at the weekends? Who would have the twins?