to ask friend if she is going to pay my teen for cat sitting

Also, if you leave it until Friday, she'll turn up with some crappy souvenir for DD, and it will be much more awkward to ask for money as well without sounding completely ungrateful for her thoughtfulness. You'll bottle it! Do it ahead of time!

You seem determined to leave this until Friday in the hope she has forgotten. She hasn't forgotten. She has a teen herself - she knows the right thing to do is to pay teens for their work promptly. For whatever reason, she has no intention of paying your daughter, possibly because you told her that your daughter loves cats, you did most of the heavy lifting (driving her there every day) and she didn't pay you previously. She views this as a friend-favour from you and a bit of fun for your cat-mad daughter.

You need to send a message. Mine would be:

Here is DD's bank details for the catsitting (unless you want to bring cash on Friday?). I look forward to hearing all about <Thailand> then!
Sort code: 00-00-00
Account no: 000000000

I don't think you can define the terms after the fact. I would pay DD myself and chalk it up to experience

Agree! I would definitely be bringing it up with friend. You'll also be teaching your daughter to assert herself if you can get over your awkwardness here.

I would definitely send a text message, how could she mistakenly think that it was a freebie, unless she is a cheeky fuck.

If she refuses to pay, it would be my hill to die on, next time anyone requests pet care discuss the price from the off.

She is being incredibly cheeky. We have teens coming in to feed our cats, and others come into feed ours when we’re away, and we always pay them, without question.

The only time we /they haven’t paid is when one of the adults does it and it’s more of a reciprocal arrangement.

I give £10 a go to feed my three cats twice a day. £20 a day is still a bargain compared to what I would spend on professional sitters or kennels.
I get being awkward but you have to advocate for your DD.
It's not awkward to send another text after the first one. If she's forgotten then she needs reminding. Or if she's trying to get away without paying she also needs reminding!

Sorry we should have done this earlier but could we sort out paying DD for cat sitting while you were away.
I think £100 is reasonable, considering what you would have paid professionals to do the same job. Would you like to pay by cash or bank transfer?
Thanks! See you tomorrow.

Text her, or next time you see her, just say 'would you like shirley's savings account datails/ my bank details (if she doesn't have a savings account) or will you be paying her in cash for looking after fluffy? I'm only asking because she's keen to buy herself a top with the money!
Or
I'm so proud of shirley, she really put in an effort looking after fluffy, and earning her own money gives her a bit of independence! How are you planning to pay her?

That way, she's going to find it very difficult to say that she wasn't planning to pay. Don't let it slide or it will become impossible to mention it and the cf will et away with it.
Plus, it's unfair on your daughter

This is your friend and your DD is a teenager. If you don't ask her outright because you can't bring yourself to, then you should pay your DD. She isn't the adult here but it might teach her not to agree to anything unless she knows in advance that she will be paid.

Have your daughter type out an invoice you can give CFF on Friday?

Dear CFF

Glad you had a lovely holiday. I enjoyed taking care of Tiddles. Mum drove me over to your twice a day and Tiddles was well looked after.

Here is my invoice :

20 x £5 = £100

Could you give it to mum for me please?

Love daughter
xx

Just say “DD is wondering what her wage is for cat sitting as she’s already planning on spending it! Sorry should have asked you that when you originally asked her to do the job! Looking forward to seeing you Friday x “

I think something like this. The fact she asked your teen and not you to do it implies it’s a pocket money job.

Text her and say “hiya X. Was just speaking with DD , and she has asked me to ask you if you are giving her cash or if you wanted her account details to pay into her bank for the cat sitting. Let me know. Are we still on for Friday?”

Popping in 2 times a day is a massive commitment and I would have established beforehand the pay. I can’t believe that wasn’t discussed. I don’t think she sounds like a good friend at all and as you are not assertive about this, she will probably get away with giving a fiver. This is at least a 10 pounds a day job and your friend must know you were driving there too? She is a massive CF

Send this message!

I am captain awkward when it comes to things like this!

This is something you need to get over and it is the reason you’ve made so many assumptions. Your teen is old enough to have had this discussion with this woman and negotiated a fee and it would have been a good teaching moment if you had supported them in that.

Talk to your child and tell them tha

The whole enterprise seems misguided. The sole purpose was to earn money but that wasn’t discussed and secondly, by driving your child there and back you were doing the heavy lifting in this commitment.

You wanting to help your child is admirable but what do you think they have learnt from this? The conversation about money should have ideally happened before the conversation about tasks. Your child was doing a job but you’ve treated the enterprise as a favour and favours are often not remunerated. What this woman has paid or not paid to others in the past has no bearing on your situation. Would you have agreed to doing work without knowing what you were going to be paid?

What’s done is done but what you can do now is apologise to your child in not supporting them better. Suggest that you and your child do a follow up visit where they can articulate what they have done and can give a short feedback of the job. Which will give them (not you) the opportunity in asking for payment for their endeavours.

DD wasn’t feeling very wel and asked me to let school know she couldn’t go in. The look of panic that came across her face when I said that because she had just turned 18, it was now her responsibility . On the face of it, it was not a complex call but I offered to practice with her before the call to boost her confidence. This is the same DD that has applied for student finance, organised her own health insurance and went to Madrid last year to see Metallica etc with zero input from me.

Treat this as a teaching moment, for you both.

You need to coach your child to be able to say “Yes, Mrs Smith, my cat sitting rate is £10 per day. What dates will you need me.” Be assertive, not passive. Value herself.

Then you need to text her directly then.

Hi X. Sorry I completely forgot to ask but are you intending to pay DD for the cat sitting? She spent about X hours doing it in total.

None of us like these conversations. Sorry you feel ‘socially awkward’ - but we all possibly would if such a situation had developed. I agree that message beforehand would be best. Otherwise your teen is let down and learns nothing about how to handle such situations. Also if you feel awkward you won’t need to have a face to face conversation.
I would message:

Looking forward to catching up on Friday. Pat enjoyed looking after Tiddles for your whilst you were on holiday. Please bring the cash payment with you when we meet. The local rate is £xx per day - so £xx in total. Thanks.

"Hey Jo, looking forward to seeing you on Friday. Will you be bringing Freda's money for cat sitting with you or would you like her bank details so you can transfer it? She was hoping to go out with her friends on Saturday and was just trying to work out if she would have enough before she confirmed"

How much did you leave in an envelope for her DD?
Did her DD tell her mum you paid her?

I don’t think she has any intention whatsoever of paying your teen. It should have been agreed at the time of accepting the job

BTW light hearted is rhe worst attempt . Especially in person if you are anxious.

Just be totally clear and say on message so it isn't awkward

If your friend is not planning on paying she is very rude and if she has.simply forgotten she needs to be more organised and will appreciate the prod

You have to be more direct than that. Just ask.

Hi X, I hope you had a good holiday. I should have asked prior to you going away, but could you let me know how much you intend to pay DD for the cat sitting so I can let her know?

Then if she says nothing you can follow up with why assumed she was paying.