to ask friend if she is going to pay my teen for cat sitting

CF...once they have got what they want they don't want to pay. Your daughter saved her so much money and she has conveniently "forgotten." Maybe she thinks your daughter wanted to do it for free to help out. Don't do it anymore. If you don't do anything your daughter will be approached next time...a free cat sitter...wow.

I’d expect her to give cash next time you meet. Personally I’d wait it out.

if cash isn’t forthcoming next time your teen is asked explain the charge is £5 per visit (petrol, time costs).

This is perfect, I think I would also add bank details

And as a PP pointed out, it was YOUR TIME & PETROL MONEY - unbelievable!

You essentially facilitated and paid for your daughter to look after her fucking cat!

Twice a day for 10 days!

The ‘friend’ should be dying with embarrassment when this is pointed out to her - on top of your strained finances with you being between bloody jobs - what is she thinking?!

Please teach your daughter to be direct, and ask up front what her rate of pay is. If she believes the offer is below her worth, to walk away.
This is going to have to be a tough life lesson I’m afraid, but she should know that her whole life she will encounter organisations who want to under pay her. Her lesson here is to know her worth, and not waste her time with those who don’t.

I wouldn’t message the friend, but if she asked again, I’d make sure your daughter is clear on her terms.

Op not feeling comfortable about asking someone about paying your teen does not mean you are social awkward. The reason you feel weird is because I guess you are aware it's sightly rude of you to ask. The fact you are preparing to ask and already saying how you will do it and be lighthearted suggests you probably aren't social awkward so please stop saying this. If she doesn't give you teen money don't ask. Have some pride. It isn't a mass fortune your child has missed out on, learn a lesson for next time and see your friend as a slight piss taker and leave it at that.

Oh dear

I don't mean this unkindly OP but there is no point in blaming your friend when you made an assumption that your teen would be paid. You can argue that it was not an unreasonable assumption but it was still an assumption and now you are going to have to have a slightly awkward conversation with your friend to sort it out; a conversation you could have avoided if you had clarified the terms before your daughter agreed to pet sit the cat.

If you carry on blaming your friend rather than take responsibility you will find yourself in similar situations in the future. Having direct conversations with friends, about things like money, rarely comes easily to anyone but it's something we have to learn if we don't want to be taken advantage of. Negotiating and agreeing terms is an important lesson for your daughter too.

I hope you can sort it out otherwise you will just have to chalk it up to experience.

A text before Friday will hopefully prompt friend to bring payment with her.

Definitely text her beforehand- it will save you both the embarrassment. This is perfect!

start learning to be more assertive today OP!
Text your friend with bank details for payment for cat sitting or offer to pass on cash after you see her on Friday.

@Perimama You 100% should text before friday. Do it now.

I fear your courage would dissolve in front of your friend and if you message in advance then she has a chance to bring the cash. There have been a lot of good suggestions about wording message but it needs to be very direct and to the point. No waffling or hoping.

Good luck

Definitely say. You are completely in the right to say. Say beforehand so she can make it right, if you leave it until the meeting it might be trickier for her to action there and then.

Text her before Friday and say your DD was happy to do it to earn a bit of cash and then see what she says. Even if she hadn't been planning to pay her she may give her something for it. You should really have asked in advance.

Rather than wait till Friday when you’re going to be really awkward again and not give her a chance to put some money in an envelope as preparation, text in advance. Just say ‘Looking forward to seeing you on Friday, just wondered if you want DD’s bank details or were planning on giving her cash. She’s planning a shopping trip / saving up for (make something up if needed) and her cat sitting money is going to really help’

Preempt it so she brings the cash. Just ask her nicely, as your daughter is looking forward to spending some of it at the weekend.

Well, add the fact that you drove your child to feed her cats, you are both out of pocket……..or maybe your friend thinks you have an oil well in your garden and can produce your own fuel???

Ask her if everything was ok on her return, was the cat healthy? any problems with the house? are the plants dead? She might not have had time to pay your DC actually but if she doesn’t pay anything then she’s a CF who is freeloading on a friend and their DC

You’re not the one who should feel awkward by the way. Remember- she’s made you feel like this by behaving unreasonably.

This is good. Be direct. Lesson learned to ask up front in future. It really is bad of her to not realise ( the fact she hasn’t mentioned it is probably because she thinks she’s got a marvellous freebie). I would expect her to be difficult about this tbh, but message and find out for definite then you know where you stand.

Definitely text much easier to phrase if you’re feeling awkward about it

I think you have to be direct, message your friend "Hi Kate, DD was hoping to buy some stuff with her cat sitting money this weekend, it would be great if you could bring it for her on Friday".

Then in future you and DD must do the deal before the work is done, rate of pay etc.

Reeling at twice a day for a cat!

And your petrol money for 40 x 10 minute journeys?!… that’s that about 6.5h of driving?