Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Living beyond our means.. will it ever end!

798 replies

Wharawho · 01/05/2025 00:23

Aibu, to be completely fed up with living month to month and barely being able to pay for everything?

For context, we're a family of five... me, DH and 3DS.(7, 6 & 3)
Household income of £70k
3 bed semi- mortgaged (nearly £1k a month- this double last feb when the interest rate went up 😞)
2 cars (15yo car paid off and family car on pcp at £450p/m)
For context we need the family car to fit all 3 kids carseats in and I also require a big car for my business. I hate having finance, but we can't work without two cars or even go out as a family if we had one small car! And we definitely don't have the money to buy another outright.

Despite what I think is a reasonable household income, 1 week after being paid, almost every penny is claimed by our household bills and expenses and we spend the rest of the month penny pinching.
We're one big unexpected bill away from not being able to buy the shopping and I'm fed up of it to be honest!
We don't have big expensive holidays or eat out/ have lots of takeaways.
If anything I'd say we live quite modestly... we've lived in the same house for 6 years and still haven't be able to finish renovating it, as we don't have the money!
I haven't had my hair cut for 2 years, as I can't commit that much money to myself... I'm also in desperate need of a new pair of glasses, but I can't afford to buy a new pair ( I have to wear them all the time!)
Days out tend to be outdoor places, with a homemade picnic and maybe an ice cream for the kids!

We buy our clothes from places like Tesco and primark, rarely do me and DH get anything only when we really need something, just the kids and we pass down clothes through our boys as they grow to save on money.
The kids attend swimming lessons once a week, this is their only "luxury" or "extra thing" they do I'm all honesty, and something we prioritise, as we think it's important that they can swim! Even this I price shopped for the cheapest lessons to make sure we pay as little as possible!
We do have the typical Netflix, Disney etc and go for a Costa 2 times each month, but again nothing extravagant... just living and trying enjoy small pleasures and have something to look forward to!

I paid myself today and after all of our bills and food money we literally have £160 to last the month,.. which includes entertaining the kids, buying school clothes/shoes, treats, covering unexpected expenses or car/house repairs!
We don't have enough to save for a rainy day fund and the minute something comes up, any savings we do have are gone and we're back to square 1!
Last month the 15yo car needed new brakes/ discs and a few other bits to pass its mot, setting us back £500.... we paid for it on our monzo flex (we only use this in emergencies when we really can't afford and pay it back ASAP!) but now this has left us short last month and this month paying it back! (As I say... one bill away from despair)

I work for myself, from home and my business requires lots if space (I've converted our garage)... however my business is limited by my space and to grow and make more money I need a bigger work space/ bigger home.... which we can't afford!

How do people afford to go on holidays, have big flash cars and big 4 bed detached houses?!?!
18 year old me would have been thrilled to bring in £70k... but here we are struggling to make it through to the end of each month!

I guess this is just a rant really, as I'm feeling so deflated looking at our bank balance before the month has even started! 😞
Please tell me I'm not the only one experiencing this!

OP posts:
Polistock · 03/05/2025 18:23

Gattopardo · 02/05/2025 21:21

I do think food is one area where you can easily save money if you don’t require very specific items. Despite inflation food in the UK is still much cheaper than most other countries.

If I really, really tried I reckon I could feed my household on about £70 a week, really well. However there would not be much meat or high quality fish, it would be veg, pulses and grains mostly, with some dairy and maybe some turkey and eggs for the animal-product consumers.

One thing I think is wrong and probably misguided is trying to shave 5 quid a month off by cancelling subscriptions. I mean if you have an expensive gym, £80 sky package, magazine subs and insanely expensive kids clubs, then yes, maybe. Other small subs and providing you don’t have more than a handful, unless you are on the breadline, they are neither here nor there. Housing and housing related costs like mortgage or rent, DIY And insurances, transport, utilities, food including eating and drinking out, are the biggies I think.

I think this is such a great point that will probably go un-noticed or uncommented upon but it really isn't the £10 a month on Disney+ that makes life tight, and those things are often the things that make things being tight a nicer place.

RobW1 · 03/05/2025 18:20

Agree £450 pcm on a car is the outlier here.
If your business is a limited company presumably you can claim this as an expense and all associated running costs would be tax deductible expenses. This includes, fuel if paid by the company, servicing, insurance and maintenance.

Justaspy · 03/05/2025 18:19

IPTV would save you money

MischkasMum · 03/05/2025 18:16

colorific · 01/05/2025 00:38

This probably isn’t the right forum as loads of people will be along soon to tell you you’re the equivalent of an oligarch, read the room, they live on £7 a week and eat moss and they love it etc

This made me laugh but it’s very accurate 😆

Show quote history

Me too🤣🤣🤣🤣

Tabit · 03/05/2025 17:58

Wharawho · 01/05/2025 02:57

Because the industry I'm now in takes bookings up to 2 years in advance... its not something I can drop and move on from and get a new job. I have contracts with clients for thw services they have paid for.
If this wasn't the case I would be looking for other work, but I can't.
They're aren't many employers around that would let me take the summer off to do my business and then come back when I'm quiet unfortunately! 😞

Show quote history

Have you looked at a job like lunch monitor at a school. Would be set hours, wouldn't need childcare, and would free your summer up.

Or alternatively, something like a night shift as a carer or petrol station, but I appreciate sleeping might be a nightmare with that option!

Also, have you checked you're claiming all the the benefits/discounts your entitled to?

It's hard bloody work and can cause such stress when money is tight.

AllyCart · 03/05/2025 17:51

Why do people keep quoting the original, very long post just to add a single sentence comment to the thread?

MN is already an appallingly bad forum in terms of loading speeds and poorly formatted ads locking things up without the mega-long posts every other page.

Augustus40 · 03/05/2025 13:15

It is pretty obvious that coffees at Costa are wasteful. Even if it is only twice a month
Netflix OR Disney but not b oth.
Most of us have to cut back these days.

Snakebite61 · 03/05/2025 12:28

Wharawho · 01/05/2025 00:23

Aibu, to be completely fed up with living month to month and barely being able to pay for everything?

For context, we're a family of five... me, DH and 3DS.(7, 6 & 3)
Household income of £70k
3 bed semi- mortgaged (nearly £1k a month- this double last feb when the interest rate went up 😞)
2 cars (15yo car paid off and family car on pcp at £450p/m)
For context we need the family car to fit all 3 kids carseats in and I also require a big car for my business. I hate having finance, but we can't work without two cars or even go out as a family if we had one small car! And we definitely don't have the money to buy another outright.

Despite what I think is a reasonable household income, 1 week after being paid, almost every penny is claimed by our household bills and expenses and we spend the rest of the month penny pinching.
We're one big unexpected bill away from not being able to buy the shopping and I'm fed up of it to be honest!
We don't have big expensive holidays or eat out/ have lots of takeaways.
If anything I'd say we live quite modestly... we've lived in the same house for 6 years and still haven't be able to finish renovating it, as we don't have the money!
I haven't had my hair cut for 2 years, as I can't commit that much money to myself... I'm also in desperate need of a new pair of glasses, but I can't afford to buy a new pair ( I have to wear them all the time!)
Days out tend to be outdoor places, with a homemade picnic and maybe an ice cream for the kids!

We buy our clothes from places like Tesco and primark, rarely do me and DH get anything only when we really need something, just the kids and we pass down clothes through our boys as they grow to save on money.
The kids attend swimming lessons once a week, this is their only "luxury" or "extra thing" they do I'm all honesty, and something we prioritise, as we think it's important that they can swim! Even this I price shopped for the cheapest lessons to make sure we pay as little as possible!
We do have the typical Netflix, Disney etc and go for a Costa 2 times each month, but again nothing extravagant... just living and trying enjoy small pleasures and have something to look forward to!

I paid myself today and after all of our bills and food money we literally have £160 to last the month,.. which includes entertaining the kids, buying school clothes/shoes, treats, covering unexpected expenses or car/house repairs!
We don't have enough to save for a rainy day fund and the minute something comes up, any savings we do have are gone and we're back to square 1!
Last month the 15yo car needed new brakes/ discs and a few other bits to pass its mot, setting us back £500.... we paid for it on our monzo flex (we only use this in emergencies when we really can't afford and pay it back ASAP!) but now this has left us short last month and this month paying it back! (As I say... one bill away from despair)

I work for myself, from home and my business requires lots if space (I've converted our garage)... however my business is limited by my space and to grow and make more money I need a bigger work space/ bigger home.... which we can't afford!

How do people afford to go on holidays, have big flash cars and big 4 bed detached houses?!?!
18 year old me would have been thrilled to bring in £70k... but here we are struggling to make it through to the end of each month!

I guess this is just a rant really, as I'm feeling so deflated looking at our bank balance before the month has even started! 😞
Please tell me I'm not the only one experiencing this!

You're obviously overspending somewhere.

PerspicaciaTick · 03/05/2025 08:45

I think you could look at a few things with the hope of seeing some changes over the next year, if you feel you can survive that long.

  1. Review your cars. Do you need 2? Can you spend less than £450 a month? If you got rid of the older one you would save on insurance and maintenance and potentially have a small amount of cash for your savings.
  2. Expanding your business. What do you need to do that? Is it a case of more room at home so you need to think about investing in a workroom in the garden or changing how you use the space at home? Or hiring some space? Are you claiming all your business expenses against tax? How will you be able to make the most of your youngest starting school next year? Have those plans ready.
  3. Sacrifice any kind of holiday for the next year, save the money to give yourself a small buffer.
  4. Find an evening or weekend job to top up with for the next year.
  5. Can you declutter and sell anything you don't need, baby stuff etc. this might also give you a bit of cash for savings. I can understand how you feel so pinched for money but you are at a tough stage with 3 small children and a new business, so try and see this as you low point from where you can make things better for the future.
CandidHedgehog · 03/05/2025 08:44

colorific · 03/05/2025 02:40

No, her husband and her bring in a joint total of 70K. He earns most of that 70K as she’s only bringing in around NMW.

And yeah it is a bit confusing of Op to say they’d have been thrilled to bring in X amount of money when it’s mainly their partner bringing in that amount. I don’t know, maybe younger then thought differently from me but when I was younger and thought of a dream salary, I imagined me bringing that in myself.

Show quote history

And it’s not clear if by NMW she means £25,000 a year or the minimum wage hourly rate for working 10 to 15 hours a week for a total monthly income of around £700 of which £450 is taken up by the car payment (she says she only needs the big car for work) and £150 or so by the fuel (she says much used for work), for a total actual profit of around £100 a month assuming she hasn’t left out any other expenses.

Either way, from what she says she is making the classic new business owner mistake of not taking all expenses into account in calculating profit.

SophEll · 03/05/2025 07:48

Okrr · 02/05/2025 21:13

We did an audit on our bills. It costs
30-32k net, to run our household and covers repairs and maintenance. This does not include holidays or big splurges like updating a car or a 10k redecoration, for example.

I don’t think we are frugal.

We don’t have a mortgage though, so you would have to add your 12k on to the above.

The 32k includes everything to run 2 cars and a family of 5 house.

If I were to include holidays and splurges, it is 60k net minimum.

Edited

Hahaha, this place is utterly bonkers at times. It’s like living in a different world!

Lovelysummerdays · 03/05/2025 07:42

FedupofArsenalgame · 02/05/2025 20:37

Sthe other week I bought potatoes broccoli carrots etc all at Asda for 8p a bag. Used them to make stuff and freeze.

Show quote history

I did that too. The Easter special offers stood out to me as quite good for a change, christmas too. The cost of buying fruit and veg has gone up a lot though over the last few years. I reckon it costs me double and I am thrifty. Special offers, yellow stickers if I can use it in time. We do get through a lot of it though.

I used to always have carrot sticks, cucumber sticks and peppers with houmous as a default afterschool kids snack. I’ve cut it down to just carrot sticks and houmous most days as a cucumber and two peppers cost about £2.50 and over a week that adds up.

I never thought I’d find myself dithering over whether I can afford a cucumber or a head of broccoli.

Kitkatfiend31 · 03/05/2025 07:20

Wharawho · 01/05/2025 00:43

My business is relatively new- 2 years old.... its finally making enough that I can pay myself minimum wage, but as I say I'm limited due to my workspace ... a real catch 22! We've looked at moving, but ot would be financial suicide and just isn't worth the risk when things are so tight already!
I left a 16 year career in the NHS, after burning out and also coming to the realisation that I was working for nothing in a job I detested, because of having to pay for childcare.
Whilst I make a fraction of what I did, my business allows me to work around the kids, we don't have to pay for childcare now and I'm actually 1000% times happier (excluding the financial woes 😬)
I've definitely considered doing a salaried job or even adding some part time hours on top of my business, but i know I'd likely be looking at an entry level pay, which would leave us worse off, as we'd have to pay before and after school childcare for the 3 kids (in our area its £75 per day!). Now I'm able to do the school runs and work whilst they're home with me!

🤣🤣 I'm waiting for it... unfortunately me the DH and DS's need to live off more than Moss to survive!

Show quote history

Could you do a couple of evening shifts somewhere to get a bit of extra money without the childcare? I actually think with 3 kids you are doing ok. Society has changed over the last few decades and where once people were happy to have enough to pay the bills we now expect so much more. It's hard but congratulate yourselves on managing and keep positive.

RinkyDinkDrink · 03/05/2025 04:52

ConstanceM · 02/05/2025 11:07

She's referring to expensive pets. Boa Constrictors are not cheap, but they do make you *tight

Show quote history

I’d say intelligent conversation is over, but…

colorific · 03/05/2025 02:40

Grammarninja · 03/05/2025 02:24

If 18-year-old you would have been thrilled to bring in 70k then I'm guessing you're the sole earner and it's not cutting it in your current situation...?

Show quote history

No, her husband and her bring in a joint total of 70K. He earns most of that 70K as she’s only bringing in around NMW.

And yeah it is a bit confusing of Op to say they’d have been thrilled to bring in X amount of money when it’s mainly their partner bringing in that amount. I don’t know, maybe younger then thought differently from me but when I was younger and thought of a dream salary, I imagined me bringing that in myself.

Grammarninja · 03/05/2025 02:24

Wharawho · 01/05/2025 00:23

Aibu, to be completely fed up with living month to month and barely being able to pay for everything?

For context, we're a family of five... me, DH and 3DS.(7, 6 & 3)
Household income of £70k
3 bed semi- mortgaged (nearly £1k a month- this double last feb when the interest rate went up 😞)
2 cars (15yo car paid off and family car on pcp at £450p/m)
For context we need the family car to fit all 3 kids carseats in and I also require a big car for my business. I hate having finance, but we can't work without two cars or even go out as a family if we had one small car! And we definitely don't have the money to buy another outright.

Despite what I think is a reasonable household income, 1 week after being paid, almost every penny is claimed by our household bills and expenses and we spend the rest of the month penny pinching.
We're one big unexpected bill away from not being able to buy the shopping and I'm fed up of it to be honest!
We don't have big expensive holidays or eat out/ have lots of takeaways.
If anything I'd say we live quite modestly... we've lived in the same house for 6 years and still haven't be able to finish renovating it, as we don't have the money!
I haven't had my hair cut for 2 years, as I can't commit that much money to myself... I'm also in desperate need of a new pair of glasses, but I can't afford to buy a new pair ( I have to wear them all the time!)
Days out tend to be outdoor places, with a homemade picnic and maybe an ice cream for the kids!

We buy our clothes from places like Tesco and primark, rarely do me and DH get anything only when we really need something, just the kids and we pass down clothes through our boys as they grow to save on money.
The kids attend swimming lessons once a week, this is their only "luxury" or "extra thing" they do I'm all honesty, and something we prioritise, as we think it's important that they can swim! Even this I price shopped for the cheapest lessons to make sure we pay as little as possible!
We do have the typical Netflix, Disney etc and go for a Costa 2 times each month, but again nothing extravagant... just living and trying enjoy small pleasures and have something to look forward to!

I paid myself today and after all of our bills and food money we literally have £160 to last the month,.. which includes entertaining the kids, buying school clothes/shoes, treats, covering unexpected expenses or car/house repairs!
We don't have enough to save for a rainy day fund and the minute something comes up, any savings we do have are gone and we're back to square 1!
Last month the 15yo car needed new brakes/ discs and a few other bits to pass its mot, setting us back £500.... we paid for it on our monzo flex (we only use this in emergencies when we really can't afford and pay it back ASAP!) but now this has left us short last month and this month paying it back! (As I say... one bill away from despair)

I work for myself, from home and my business requires lots if space (I've converted our garage)... however my business is limited by my space and to grow and make more money I need a bigger work space/ bigger home.... which we can't afford!

How do people afford to go on holidays, have big flash cars and big 4 bed detached houses?!?!
18 year old me would have been thrilled to bring in £70k... but here we are struggling to make it through to the end of each month!

I guess this is just a rant really, as I'm feeling so deflated looking at our bank balance before the month has even started! 😞
Please tell me I'm not the only one experiencing this!

If 18-year-old you would have been thrilled to bring in 70k then I'm guessing you're the sole earner and it's not cutting it in your current situation...?

Debtfreegoals · 02/05/2025 21:49

I also think £450pcm for a car is insane - that’s nearly 10% of your joint yearly wage going on 1 car finance. I would look at tracking all expenses and look to cut £100 on subscriptions, tv etc. It’s insane how much Netflix, sky, Disney costs add up to and I’ve cut pretty much all out bar Netflix.

I do agree though at one stage £70k would have been an amazing salary and in some areas of the country very much still is. But it doesn’t cover as much as it used to so I do understand your frustration.

Gattopardo · 02/05/2025 21:25

Okrr · 02/05/2025 21:13

We did an audit on our bills. It costs
30-32k net, to run our household and covers repairs and maintenance. This does not include holidays or big splurges like updating a car or a 10k redecoration, for example.

I don’t think we are frugal.

We don’t have a mortgage though, so you would have to add your 12k on to the above.

The 32k includes everything to run 2 cars and a family of 5 house.

If I were to include holidays and splurges, it is 60k net minimum.

Edited

Holy fuck that is a lot with no mortgage, But maybe you have higher standards of household maintenance than me - most people do.

Gattopardo · 02/05/2025 21:24

And also travel to see family and friends, and holidays, plus spending on life events like birthdays, weddings and Christmas/ whatever you celebrate: they are big drains on finances.

Gattopardo · 02/05/2025 21:21

I do think food is one area where you can easily save money if you don’t require very specific items. Despite inflation food in the UK is still much cheaper than most other countries.

If I really, really tried I reckon I could feed my household on about £70 a week, really well. However there would not be much meat or high quality fish, it would be veg, pulses and grains mostly, with some dairy and maybe some turkey and eggs for the animal-product consumers.

One thing I think is wrong and probably misguided is trying to shave 5 quid a month off by cancelling subscriptions. I mean if you have an expensive gym, £80 sky package, magazine subs and insanely expensive kids clubs, then yes, maybe. Other small subs and providing you don’t have more than a handful, unless you are on the breadline, they are neither here nor there. Housing and housing related costs like mortgage or rent, DIY And insurances, transport, utilities, food including eating and drinking out, are the biggies I think.

Okrr · 02/05/2025 21:13

We did an audit on our bills. It costs
30-32k net, to run our household and covers repairs and maintenance. This does not include holidays or big splurges like updating a car or a 10k redecoration, for example.

I don’t think we are frugal.

We don’t have a mortgage though, so you would have to add your 12k on to the above.

The 32k includes everything to run 2 cars and a family of 5 house.

If I were to include holidays and splurges, it is 60k net minimum.

meganorks · 02/05/2025 20:44

Probably never going to read this on page 24! And someone might have said it. But, you are saying you can't expand your business without a bigger house. But you don't need a bigger house, but more space. So could you rent somewhere or add some kind of outbuilding to your garden? Doesn't sound like you have the spare funds to do either. But if you put together a proper business plan you could get a loan. But only if realistically your business could make more money with more space!

FedupofArsenalgame · 02/05/2025 20:37

Lovelysummerdays · 02/05/2025 13:22

Lots of veg and fruit is really expensive now though. It’s a quid for a cucumber , nearly £1 for a head of broccoli or a pepper lucky to get a bag of apples for under £2. Oranges too are well over a £1. I eat a lot of veg and it has shit up and the super six is nowhere near as good value as it used to be. Cabbage and bananas still good value.

Show quote history

Sthe other week I bought potatoes broccoli carrots etc all at Asda for 8p a bag. Used them to make stuff and freeze.

mylovedoesitgood · 02/05/2025 20:37

Sherararara · 02/05/2025 19:12

Netflix and Disney aren't typical

they’re common for a typical middle class family yes. And saving 12 quid a month isn’t to going to help OP. Neither is “switch off the heating and use electric blankets”. What a way to live!

the point is you should be able to afford these type of things on £70k income.

Edited
Show quote history

I thought that was a churlish and unhelpful post - why bother? The person you quoted gave several realistic tips to help OP.

oatmilk4breakfast · 02/05/2025 20:33

Wharawho · 01/05/2025 00:57

I've thought about the civil service.... I've thought about a lot of avenues and selfishly, maybe more my self preservation, I've realised that after 16 years in a "good" nhs career that I hated and made me a shell of a person, I can never work in something that I don't love. 😞
My business is small, pays me a fraction of what I used to earn and isn't likely to ever reach the same salary, but goodness me, it makes me so happy! I literally adore what I do and genuinely can't wait to work!

I just don't know what's better, work in a career that I adore, but pays peanuts or in a career that pays ok money, but breaks me as a person! 😞😞😞

Show quote history

Can you say vaguely what you do OP? I would love to work for myself again