To think something is off here?

I have 2 colleagues with cancer who are actively undergoing treatment. Both haven’t had much time off at all and are still working round about their treatment/appointments. They don’t look very unwell- more that they look tired some days.

No advice on likelihoods of truth vs lies etc when it comes to cancer as I’m fortunate to have never had it. However, do not distance yourself or be anything but supportive, kind and a listening ear just as much as you would if you knew for a fact she had it. This is because, IF it turns out that she does/did in fact have it and you weren’t supportive & kind and you’ve distanced yourself from her then you will never, ever forgive yourself.
I know I’d much rather be supportive but duped and taken for a mug, than be unkind & distant to someone with terminal cancer... 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Dotjones you have hit the nail on the head

"the issue here is the particular diagnosis this individual claims to have had. By now it's highlight improbable they'd be alive, let alone appearing normal and healthy"

People are discussing cancer as though it's just one entity. My DH and DD were diagnosed with different cancers around the same time. His is very much a lesser one and he is probably going to die with it rather than from it. My DD's cancer was aggressive and needed a tough chemotherapy regime during which she lost ALL her hair - eyebrows, eyelashes, nose hair and all body hair included. During the four months of chemo she very definitely couldn't have worked and 18 months on, she is only now starting to recover her strength.

OP I'm in full agreement with you, something is definitely off.

God no, don't report it to anyone. You will look like a total arsehole (not saying you are)
Leave it alone and just politely nod etc and if someone higher up thinks there is an issue leave it to them.
Obviously don't set up a Justgiving or anything but keep out of it becasue even if it turns out she is lying nobody will thank you for pointing it out anyway

I have cancer. It's not brain cancer, but it's horrible living with it. But I do live with it. I go to work every day, I look pretty much the same. But I've had countless tests, medical visits and surgeries. Some people at work know, most don't. I would be horrified if anyone that I was faking it because I haven't physically changed in the last two years.

It sounds very suspicious. You shouldn't confront her with your findings but ideally you should contact your manager, HR or someone with the power to investigate. It may well be that they have all the evidence and proof that your colleague is doing nothing wrong, but obviously they can't share that with you. It's possible too that if you see her regularly you haven't noticed the decline, although by this stage you probably would.

I think some people are misunderstanding the issue. The issue isn't "can people with cancer live for a few years whilst not looking ill and being a fully-functioning work unit" because the answer is yes, of course that can happen. The issue here is the particular diagnosis this individual claims to have had. By now it's highlight improbable they'd be alive, let alone appearing normal and healthy.

There's always an exception but that's the point, exceptions are few and far between.

Surely it’s possible that she was originally told it was very serious, but then told maybe it wasn’t as bad as expected, but would need surgery etc, that she had treatments etc. she might not have kept you informed of all the updates. This happened to a friend who was diagnosed with a very serious illness, but then about a month later was told it was probably not that and the prognosis was much better etc. she was still unwell, but not about to die. I can’t imagine she went round telling everyone all the update for fear that the updates were wrong!

My DH has terminal cancer. He is still up and about doing stuff, trying to live life as best he can. Some days he is really poorly, other days you wouldn't know, every day is different. And the people we've met at the cancer unit, all with different cancers, have very different treatments, you wouldn't always know just by looking at them how ill they actually are. We also know of a number of people given a terminal diagnosis who are defying expectations and still here many years after they were told they wouldn't be. Just be very careful before you pass judgement, because if it turns out she is telling the truth and she dies you are going to feel like such an arsehole for posting this thread.

Yes, I strongly suspect that she is faking. Trust your instinct with this but keep your thoughts to yourself.

Around the time I was diagnosed with breast cancer/had my first mastectomy, an old acquaintance (once a v. close friend) got in touch with me to tell me she'd been through similar. The entire conversation was bizarre, and never once did she give me any solid facts about her type of breast cancer. Throughout the time I was dealing with my own breast cancer, whenever I met someone who had also been through, we discussed type, stage, grade etc etc, always without prompting. The aforementioned acquaintance never divulge a single thing. Secondly, she's like me inasmuch as she's fascinated by the bodies ability to heal/scars. Naturally, I showed her my scars. She did not reciprocate or even offer. This is incredibly unlike her, and set my spidey senses of further.

Why did I suspect her? Well, she had previous form for faking cancer, (something we never really confronted her about). And much like that story, this new cancer/story felt off too.

Some people are disgusting and have no shame. Faking/lying about having cancer is the lowest of the low.

My childs primary school teacher had an aggressive cancer, she worked all the way through to pretty much the end with a smile, and then sadly passed away suddenly. She did take a lot of days off for treatments.
So it is possible to work and seem normal, but I guess individual cases are different.

I would be very sceptical of what she has told you.

My son (27) was diagnosed with a Glioblastoma (GMB4) in June 2022 after 1 seizure - with a prognosis of 12-15 months. Unfortunately this is given as a median because everyone is different.

After having an awake craniotomy, he went through 5 days a week for 6 weeks radiotherapy. He did lose his hair but only at the side where the radiation was carried out. He had a huge scar running from his temple down to his ear and then round.

He had a month off after the radiotherapy and then started 6 months of chemo - usually this is in tablet form taken at home.

Went back to work part time - October 22.

He had two years of stable scans - could not take all of the tumour due to it's placement - he would have lost motor skills/speech.

April 24 had a further craniotomy due to more growth, chemo given but it didn't work. Different chemo given - IV this time which has helped stabilise. However there was only a 50% chance of this reducing/stabilising and there are no other options after this.

He is exhausted all the time. I know he is declining.

GMB4 is terminal - her MacMillan team would have sorted out a blue badge and PIP for her - does she have these?

It takes two years of stable scans to maybe get your driving license back - you have to surrender on diagnosis, and then there is a lengthy wait whilst the oncologist fills out forms for the DVLA etc.

I had stage 4 cancer 5 years ago. I’m lucky that mine was curable and I’m healthy now. Other than being bald (thanks chemo) I looked completely healthy and remained working the entire 6 months. Including when I was hooked up to the chemo pump.

Chemo etc hits everyone differently, she could be putting a brave face on it or is actually ok. I only had to take a few days off during my treatment and the rest of the time I was fine, but tired but nothing major. I did have to send my employers letters from my drs and if I had taken more leave, I would have had to submit to a medical.

People who lie about illness for sympathy or especially monetary gain are despicable imo . Some I will grant, are mentally unwell , ages ago, one of my tenants came in with their hand bandaged and told me they had been bitten by a cobra (in the uk) it was one of many tall tales regarding illness.
Glioblastoma is extremely aggressive, I'd be very surprised if your colleague isn't having treatment or experiencing symptoms.

People do lie about this kind of thing, horrifyingly. I know a man who told everyone - including his family, work and girlfriend - he had terminal cancer and let them tick his bucket list off, only to have to come clean 18 months later when people started to get suspicious. Equally, I know someone actually given a terminal diagnosis and months to live who was still kicking 5 years later, so it would be a very bold person who would actually say anything to someone either way - you can't know, really.

Given the seriousness of her diagnosis and how long it's been, I'd be a bit suspicious too but only because I knew someone who lied about it. Nothing you can do either way, though!

I'm so sorry 😞

Munchhausen syndrome? Money and attention possibly.

My DH's best mate had this type of brain tumour. He had an operation (half his head shaved - it took quite a while to grow back) and extensive chemotherapy and steroids. He was very tired in the latter stages and sadly died around 18 months after being diagnosed, and was still having treatment.

It's a very aggressive form of cancer, I'd be very surprised if this is true - and don't blame you for being suspicious. Obviously you can't say anything.

There have been a few instances where people claim to be ill like this for various reasons, usually financial.
There was one within my loose circle who had people providing childcare and allsorts, turns out she was committing major fraud and was hoping to get sympathy. Total shitshow when it came out
BUT I imagine most people with cancer genuinely DO have it so I think you have to assume your colleague is telling the truth for now.

3 close friends and family members were diagnosed with this. Stage 4 Glioblastoma is aggressive and horrible. They were all dead within 2 years. They all had slightly different presentations of the disease early on but they were all quite clearly very ill.

Another close friend died with it recently but that was the final nail on top of other cancers. It is very unpleasant to see.

My Dad had cancer last year, he carried on as normal as much as he could. To the outside world he probably looked fine, just a little tired. In fact it was getting Shingles that really knocked him.

I worked with someone who faked having cancer, it got her alot of attention and time off. Turns out she'd done the same thing at her previous job too. It does happen.

Threads like this fascinate me. Anyone remember the one about the woman who was clearly pretending to be pregnant?

My 10 year old ds died from stage 4 medulloblastoma. Having watched him have a 7 hour brain surgery which resulted in weakness down his left side and difficulty walking, watching him do daily radiotherapy for 6 weeks which made all his hair even his eye lashes fall out followed by 4 months of intensive chemo, go into remission then die 3 months later because it came back and nothing more could be done, I'm afraid I don't believe your colleague.

I was off work for the whole year of his treatment to look after him.

I had a friend at uni who had the same type of cancer as your colleague, OP. Hers was diffuse and inoperable but she had several rounds of radiotherapy and chemotherapy over the course of 18 months or so. She was extremely tired and weak, lost her hair and a considerable amount of weight, and went through phases of being confused and having difficulty communicating. She sadly died without returning to her course. You can't be sure but tbh I would be a bit cautious that you're being lied to.

I had radiotherapy following breast cancer and carried on as normal. Use to go for the treatment around 10am and be in work by 11am. It did make me tired though.

Chemo is much more invasive on your body though.

Has she had time off for appointments etc , although I suppose she could be faking this.

To fake about being ill is a recognised condition - Munchasens syndrome was its old name. You can also get Mun chase n by proxy, where you don’t make yourself ill, but you live it out via your child. Ie, every sniffle etc your at the doctors, or you make them deliberately ill