To think something is off here?

Ahh ok. Does she have much time off for appointments etc ? It's the sort of thing that needs regular monitoring.

That's kind of you, thank you. I count myself lucky that I've got my four boys. I know I'm very fortunate in the grand scheme of things.

Friend had this and was dead after a year. BUT, and it’s a big BUT, he was told the outcomes are very different. Yes it’s terminal but most of it can be got rid of with treatment, then it’s a case of when it will come back, and it can be months or years. Up to 10 years I think. He didn’t appear unwell either until towards the end.

Tread very carefully OP. You will come across as really awful if you voice these doubts to anyone. Try to support your colleague as much as you can. Ultimately it’s a dreadful illness.

Yes, the kids are adults and have done well.

The elder child stopped having 'accidents' when the younger came along...There's no doubt that - like many members of our family - the younger child is genuinely on the spectrum, but high functioning. (He taught himself to play chess while still at primary school.) Like his dad, he's 'quiet' . However, I don't want to put anything too outing here, but she somehow got him on video behaving in a way that no one in the family had ever seen before - or since. That got an additional diagnosis of Tourette's.

At one point, the child featured on local television, having his 'first' birthday party, paid for by a charity...because - according to his mother - no one would go to his parties. This somewhat bemused the family members who had attended his previous parties (where there was no evidence of Tourette's).

Lord help us, it wasn't until the local news feature happened that we finally figured that something was amiss.

She got free holidays for the family from various charities as well.

The mother managed to persuade the local LA into placing him into what was then called The Special Education Unit of the local secondary school in spite of the school's insistence that he should be in mainstream. The other children in the SEU were non-verbal. This was not the case for my relative's child.

In the end, the mother agreed that the child could be integrated into some mainstream classes. The school gradually placed him in mainstream for everything. He did well, got a good college qualification and a good job. A few years ago, he paid cash for his own house.

The mother actually did die in middle age - but not from any of the illnesses that she claimed. There's suspicion in the family that she took the wrong combination of tablets at some point. The toxicology report was inconclusive.

i realise that I sound barmy saying all this, but you had to be there. Her 'stroke' symptoms appeared after she saw my dad's genuine stroke symptoms.

She told all her neighbours that her SIL was shunning her because of her 'brain tumour'. Her hair didn't fall out - it was clearly shaved. She'd wear a wig on top of the shaved head and then ostentatiously say at family gatherings "Is it all right with everyone if I take my wig off?"

At one point, she claimed that she was teetotal because of kidney failure...and then would have a night on the booze with her pals.

Whenever her husband got a job, he'd get a phone call to say that his wife had become ill and needed to go to hospital...He finished up on benefits as a result.

As I said, you had to see it all before you realised what was going on.

my best friend died last year after a 8 year battle of incurable cancer - for the first 7 year despite losing a kidney having constant bone cancer and being on diff treatments you woukd never have known from the outside until the last 6 months. She ran her business full time, was a single mum and travelled the world

I work with someone who had a terminal cancer diagnosis about 6 years ago. He has to take regular time off work for hospital appointments and is now looking very ill. It’s quite obvious that he will die of the illness. I always thought stage 4 was terminal, and any operation in the brain would need serious time off work.

I think you'll have to give her the benefit of the doubt tbh. As @XenoBitch has said, sometimes people just want to get on with it. From what I've seen, those faking severe illnesses tend to go on and on about them and fake symptoms etc. it doesn't sound like this is the case with your colleague.

Not the same thing at all, but I've worked through two of my miscarriages. My colleagues would likely have had no idea anything was wrong as I masked it and just cracked on, despite breaking inside. They only knew I'd had those ones after being hospitalised with another - I was in hospital a few days and then needed a bit more recovery time. They knew it wasn't like me to be off long and questioned it, so I was honest.

I had a colleague at work with a brain tumour who had a period when, after an op, he was back working and to all intents and purposes appeared normal, although I am sure it was tough for him.

I don’t know what sort of brain cancer it was but he had some immunotherapy I think which gave him four and a half extra years with his wife and dc, and once that stopped working, very sadly, he went downhill and died pretty quickly.

Edited: wouldn’t your colleague have had to provide your workplace with documentation proving she needed time off op?

I have had colleagues with various cancers, and most of them have tried to give the impression that nothing is wrong. That is their coping mechanism.

You are not owed someone displaying symptoms to prove they are ill.

I had a relative through marriage who faked a brain tumour - she shaved off her hair, I kid you not. She'd previously faked a stroke.

It used to be her children who kept having 'accidents' or who became unwell. Once they became older, it was the relative through marriage who had various ailments.

So - yes...It's possible that the colleague is faking.

That's a tricky one. The cancer she told you about in 2022 is very aggressive, with a low survival rate. Did she take any time off work at all during that period? I think it's something as low as 5-10% of patients survive 5 years with it, with most only surviving a year or so. If she had surgery, you'd have assumed she had had time off for that and then had at least a partially shaved head (could be covered of course). It is feasible that she's been lucky that the treatment has helped etc.

I like to think that no-one would make up something so awful, but I guess you can't know for sure.