Husband’s compulsion to constantly touch me

HairyPeachy · 2025-04-30T20:49:32+00:00

I’ve posted about my husband before and how he constantly wants to touch me no matter what I’m doing. He’s recently developed a strange fixation with my arms. If he’s walking by he will smooth them or has to touch them. Literally no matter what I am doing. Cooking, cleaning, washing up, holding a kettle! He will come up and say that he’s got to touch them, smooth them etc. it’s constant and driving me crazy! I’ve told him to stop and he says he can’t help it, he loves my arms which is nice obviously but he won’t stop and it’s making me cringe! Even our teen says - Dad stop! She doesn’t like it and he storms off in a huff saying that he isn’t allowed to touch his own wife etc. Our teen even mentions consent and boundaries etc. He gropes too…boobs, bum and worse…likes to come up behind me when I’m washing up like we are in some bloody rom com. The arm thing though is weird, he just won’t stop and I can’t stand his touch anymore. It’s weird right?! He won’t leave them alone!

Curledup14 · 03/10/2025 18:04

Muffinmam · 01/05/2025 03:18

Are you buying or renting?

My partner is very much like your DH. It’s constant groping. It’s going so bad I involuntarily shake when he comes near me and often when he hugs me and goes anywhere near my neck I have these involuntary jerky movements because my body is trying to get away from him.

One time we had a family hug with our toddler and he put my breast in his mouth through my t-shirt. It was utterly disgusting. I felt so violated.

If he walks past me he will grab me or poke my bottom or come up behind me and make thrusting movements and moan. Or he will stick his fingers into the sides of my hips. Or he will stand so close behind me to freak me out. Or we’ll be driving and the will lean over and scratch me repeatedly. I hate it. Ignoring doesn’t help. I find myself having to defend myself in my own home.
put my elbow out to create distance - I’ll remove his hand from my body by pulling back one finger.

It’s so awful. He’s abusive in other ways. The things he says to me and the names he calls me are utterly awful. If I use the bathroom to pee he says how much it smells like excrement. He regularly threatens to kick me out of the house (he owns the house).

I admire you for having a plan to leave.

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This is horrific @Muffinmam

you and your child are living in what sounds like a house of horrors with this abuser.

Are you ok these days?

Curledup14 · 03/10/2025 18:02

@HairyPeachy how are you these days?

Inthecafe · 19/07/2025 17:58

Muffinmam · 01/05/2025 03:18

Are you buying or renting?

My partner is very much like your DH. It’s constant groping. It’s going so bad I involuntarily shake when he comes near me and often when he hugs me and goes anywhere near my neck I have these involuntary jerky movements because my body is trying to get away from him.

One time we had a family hug with our toddler and he put my breast in his mouth through my t-shirt. It was utterly disgusting. I felt so violated.

If he walks past me he will grab me or poke my bottom or come up behind me and make thrusting movements and moan. Or he will stick his fingers into the sides of my hips. Or he will stand so close behind me to freak me out. Or we’ll be driving and the will lean over and scratch me repeatedly. I hate it. Ignoring doesn’t help. I find myself having to defend myself in my own home.
put my elbow out to create distance - I’ll remove his hand from my body by pulling back one finger.

It’s so awful. He’s abusive in other ways. The things he says to me and the names he calls me are utterly awful. If I use the bathroom to pee he says how much it smells like excrement. He regularly threatens to kick me out of the house (he owns the house).

I admire you for having a plan to leave.

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This is truly horrific and also nauseating to read @Muffinmam

this isn’t a partnership

this is you living with an abusive, abhorrent sex pest

Lorlorlorikeet · 06/06/2025 07:18

@HairyPeachy how are you getting on? Did you manage to escape this man?

neilyoungismyhero · 03/05/2025 17:31

QuickFawn · 30/04/2025 21:56

I think I’d develop a fixation for kicking him in the balls every time he touched me 🤷‍♀️
might help him get over his fixation pretty quickly

Think I suggested the same last time

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 03/05/2025 15:55

HairyPeachy · 30/04/2025 23:34

Thank you. All the paperwork has gone through for a lovely little property, the house is beautiful and honestly heaven sent, absolutely everything I have dreamed of to start again and live in peace with my children. I am hoping and praying every day that I get it. It’s not in our locality, it’s 3 miles away which isn’t too far for schools etc. I just know that he’s going to be angrier than I’ve ever seen him. I just know he will absolutely hate my guts for leaving him.

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So what? Personally, I think he already hates you, since he seems to enjoy not respecting your boundaries and treating you like an object for his abuse.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 03/05/2025 15:52

HairyPeachy · 30/04/2025 23:06

I mostly run away from him or make excuses to get away.

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Do you see what you are teaching your DC though? That boundaries don't "really" matter if you don't want to honor them. That consent is something that can be ignored.

The fact that you haven't already kicked him to the curb is mind-boggling to me. He has zero respect for you or his family. The fact that he still touches you when you say "No", is all the proof you need.

I feel bad for you that you keep putting up with that behavior, but I feel sorry as hell for your DC to not be given two decent parental figures to look up to and be taught reasonable behavior.

shuggles · 02/05/2025 23:21

breadpie · 01/05/2025 07:04

Sexual harassment isn't weird? So in essence you are saying it's understandable to grope someone if their arms are soft? Would it be ok to do this to strangers as well? Or just your own wife..?

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I didn't say that.

Muffinmam · 01/05/2025 19:47

He owns the house. He bought it before we met.

I don’t have anyone that can help me. It’s not just me I have to look after and I can’t stay with anyone due to my son’s issues.

The songs are so weird. He shouts them so I hear them and wants a reaction. He genuinely gets off on doing it. He tries to get our son involved but most of the time our son tells him to stop. Now our son is getting older he has started doing things just to get a reaction out of him. It’s more than just boredom - he needs to cause distress.

He’s very clearly mentally unwell. But it’s exhausting living with him. It’s making me physically ill with the stress of it.

This week he took something of mine and destroyed it. He then tried to gaslight me that I did it myself and even had me apologise to him for even asking him about it. It was something really important to me. I feel as if a part of me has died and he’s trying to erase who I am.

Please be careful when you leave your husband. It will be the most dangerous time for you.

unsync · 01/05/2025 19:30

I hope this works out for you @HairyPeachy . Are you just going to go and then tell him once you are gone? It sounds like you've thought it through, but please be very careful.

MadamCholetsbonnet · 01/05/2025 19:08

Good luck OP. Please stay safe. He sounds absolutely horrible.

anytipswelcome · 01/05/2025 19:04

I’m so so sorry this has happened to you @Muffinmamit is unthinkable that someone can be so cruel. I wish I could say something more useful. You are an incredibly strong person and I understand your fears about leaving if it could mean he has unrestricted access to your child. It’s so unfair and so awful. I really hope something changes, I am willing you on

Original poster

HairyPeachy · 01/05/2025 18:46

Wolfiefan · 01/05/2025 17:58

Are you renting or do you own your own home? Can you contact a friend or family member for RL support?

We are renting, no mortgage so it’ll be simpler to leave. One friend knows about the situation, I don’t want to tell many people as it might filter back to H that I’m planning to leave. Dreading telling my parents when I’ve left!

OP posts:

Original poster

HairyPeachy · 01/05/2025 18:44

Muffinmam · 01/05/2025 17:54

There is a severe housing crisis in my city. People with jobs are living in their cars. I don’t own any property.

My child has severe special needs. Leaving would mean I can’t take my child to therapy and means I would need to be working all the time.

I have a background in family law. I may get a small amount of money if I leave. But it will cost me to try and recover it. I don’t have the financial resources to fight for custody. So also know the Courts will give him supervised custody and eventually he will get 50% custody.

I don’t trust him with our child. Our child wouldn’t be safe. I know that. Currently I get all of his rage. But if I’m not their it will transfer to our child. Anything can set him off. The psychological abuse is far worse than the physical abuse. And the singing - he walks around the house singing crude and disgusting songs about me.

I told him to stop grabbing my breasts today and he literally screamed at me - told me to shut up and get out of his house.

The Police know about some of the abuse. I’ve called them to the house in the past. My GP knows, my child health worker knows. There is no help in my city. There’s nowhere for me to go.

This is why I admire the OP for being able to leave.

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I’m so so sorry you are going through this. He sounds absolutely vile and disgusting. In your first comment I relate to so much of what you have mentioned-the name calling, threats, everything. I’m so sorry you are stuck. I also have a severely disabled child so I understand how hard it is to leave and put together a plan. Do you own your home together? Do you have any friends or family who could support you? Even the crude, vile songs he sings, my husband has done the same! It’s vile.

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 01/05/2025 17:58

Are you renting or do you own your own home? Can you contact a friend or family member for RL support?

Muffinmam · 01/05/2025 17:57

EdithBond · 01/05/2025 07:56

Hi @Muffinmam that’s completely disrespectful and, if you’ve made it clear you don’t agree to it or like it, it’s sexual assault.

Have you contacted a domestic abuse charity? Really recommend you do that as a first step. If you’re in England or Wales and have a child, you have a right to suitable accommodation. Speak to the council housing options teams, ask to speak to a woman and tell her about the domestic abuse. They’ll help you.

Sending strength.

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In not in the UK. There aren’t resources where I live. I’ve reached out for help already. The Police asked if I have anywhere else to go and I said I didn’t and that was the end of that conversation.

Lorlorlorikeet · 01/05/2025 17:57

Muffinmam · 01/05/2025 17:54

There is a severe housing crisis in my city. People with jobs are living in their cars. I don’t own any property.

My child has severe special needs. Leaving would mean I can’t take my child to therapy and means I would need to be working all the time.

I have a background in family law. I may get a small amount of money if I leave. But it will cost me to try and recover it. I don’t have the financial resources to fight for custody. So also know the Courts will give him supervised custody and eventually he will get 50% custody.

I don’t trust him with our child. Our child wouldn’t be safe. I know that. Currently I get all of his rage. But if I’m not their it will transfer to our child. Anything can set him off. The psychological abuse is far worse than the physical abuse. And the singing - he walks around the house singing crude and disgusting songs about me.

I told him to stop grabbing my breasts today and he literally screamed at me - told me to shut up and get out of his house.

The Police know about some of the abuse. I’ve called them to the house in the past. My GP knows, my child health worker knows. There is no help in my city. There’s nowhere for me to go.

This is why I admire the OP for being able to leave.

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You poor woman. I send you strength and resilience. I’m just so sorry that evil cunt if a man is destroying your one life. My heart truly breaks for you and I hope he meets a catastrophic end.

Muffinmam · 01/05/2025 17:54

anytipswelcome · 01/05/2025 07:47

You’re being horrifically abused. Your husband’s behaviour meets the threshold of a number of crimes. He is committing crimes against you.

Your children growing up witnessing this dynamic is hugely damaging and unfair on them.

Please consider contacting Women’s Aid. You say you admire OP for having a plan to leave. You can make one too, with the help of professionals like them.

The long you stay in this relationship, the more likely it is that your children will replicate this dynamic themselves as adults and be either abused or abusers themselves.

Don’t let that be your legacy.

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There is a severe housing crisis in my city. People with jobs are living in their cars. I don’t own any property.

My child has severe special needs. Leaving would mean I can’t take my child to therapy and means I would need to be working all the time.

I have a background in family law. I may get a small amount of money if I leave. But it will cost me to try and recover it. I don’t have the financial resources to fight for custody. So also know the Courts will give him supervised custody and eventually he will get 50% custody.

I don’t trust him with our child. Our child wouldn’t be safe. I know that. Currently I get all of his rage. But if I’m not their it will transfer to our child. Anything can set him off. The psychological abuse is far worse than the physical abuse. And the singing - he walks around the house singing crude and disgusting songs about me.

I told him to stop grabbing my breasts today and he literally screamed at me - told me to shut up and get out of his house.

The Police know about some of the abuse. I’ve called them to the house in the past. My GP knows, my child health worker knows. There is no help in my city. There’s nowhere for me to go.

This is why I admire the OP for being able to leave.

Idontgiveashitanymore · 01/05/2025 14:39

anytipswelcome · 01/05/2025 09:13

Except he does know he does it. Because he says he ‘can’t help it’ and moans about his wife not liking him having unrestricted access to her body 24/7.

He absolutely knows. He just doesn’t care that she doesn’t like it.

So he continues to regularly sexually assault her.

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I’m not saying he’s not a total prick for doing what he’s doing to her , I’m just saying that as someone who works with brain injuries other reasons can be possible .

Lorlorlorikeet · 01/05/2025 13:22

@Muffinmam I wish very much that you get free of that horrific abuse.

Lorlorlorikeet · 01/05/2025 13:21

KidsDoBetter · 01/05/2025 07:50

Why has this been posted again almost word for word???

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I linked to the previous thread. It was the term ‘smoothing’ her arm that reminded me.

SamDeanCas · 01/05/2025 12:38

I remember reading your previous post about him and thought him vile then, my opinion has just got worse after what you’ve told us about his behaviour towards your dc.

Great news about your potential house. Onwards and upwards

mbosnz · 01/05/2025 10:49

If holding the kettle, pour some of the water over him. Or drop it on his toe. If he gropes you from behind, back kick him like a mule. If he gropes you from the front, knee him in the balls, after having brought your arms up hard and fast to release your arms from his.

'His own wife' equals 'HER own person'. He can go grope himself, or rub his own arms for tactile affirmation.

katepilar · 01/05/2025 10:43

Hi OP, please ignore the "why are you allowing this" type of comments. Its very easy to think one would immediately know what to do and how to react after the normal saying No doesnt work. Yes, we all would like to be able to solve situations like this yet in real life we dont. Its not easy in any case and living with people like this leaves one scarred.
I have noticed in your PP that you are planning to leave. I take it there is perhaps even more issues and it going on for a long time. No wonder you are questionning stuff that with a clear head and with distance shouldnt be a question.
Good luck!

Allthegoodhorses · 01/05/2025 09:30

IamSmarticus · 30/04/2025 22:02

I was thinking exactly the same!

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It’s the first line of the OP..