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Original poster

To think childcare should be (somewhat) shared even on mat leave?

104 replies

untitled1 · 30/04/2025 20:54

First-time mum here with a nearly one-month-old baby. I'm really looking for is advice on sharing childcare responsibilities when one parent (me) is on maternity leave while my partner works a job that can be flexible, as he’s self employed and can work at home 50% of the time.

I'm trying to work out a routine that's fair for both of us. Obviously, he's working during the day while I'm at home with our little one, but I also need some rest and respite from the 24/7 baby duties. I don't expect a 50:50 split, but I've been slightly annoyed recently. He came home ill, went straight to bed, then took an hour-long bath, and now has gone to the gym (so clearly isn’t that ill). He then said that having the baby for two hours this afternoon is difficult when he's working. I only asked him to take the baby so I could respond to some emails for the first time in a week and have lunch!

He was great for the first two weeks, but now he's clearly seeing childcare mainly as my duty. In his defense, he does take the little one from approximately 9pm-2am while I sleep but this is also weekends and I’m only three weeks into c-section recovery.

We both agreed it will be fairer to have a rota so things are clearly defined. I think since I'm on maternity leave, I should obviously do more, but I'm trying to figure out what's actually fair.

What times did your working partner take over baby duties and How did you divide night feeds/wakes? Also, who handled household chores like cooking and cleaning during your maternity leave?

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 30/04/2025 21:08

My daughter is 1 now but when I was on maternity leave the day times were all me,
my husband was at work- whether in the office or working from home- he was at work so he wasn’t doing childcare and I wouldn’t have expected anything else, just like now that I’m back at work I wouldn’t have her with me during the day, even if I’m working from home I am at work and therefore not available for childcare.

I did the night times during the week because I was the one who wasn’t at work so was the one who could nap with baby or even just rest and chill when baby napped the next day whereas my husband had to be “on” at work, and as I was on maternity leave we really couldn’t afford him slacking at work and risking losing his job. We did 1 night each at the weekend and each had a lie in at the weekend so that we both got the chance to have a good restful night waking up when we were ready to rather than to an alarm/to baby. We both felt that was fair.

Free time was split equally though. Anything outside of work time we made sure we both had the same amount of time to ourselves so if my husband went to the gym for an hour then I would have an hour long bath in peace for example.

I was doing more of the cleaning/house stuff when I was on maternity leave because I was the one at home every day, it’s far easier to pop a wash on, mop etc when you’re at home and there to do it. Weekends though my husband did the cleaning or we would do the deep clean and the “big” jobs together that just wouldn’t have been doable with a little baby midweek alone. Now I’m back at work it’s all split equally again, or my husband probably does more of the household jobs now as I do more of the nursery pick ups as it’s on my way home from work so I get back a bit later than he does.

JellyNellyKat · 30/04/2025 21:06

If he’s working how can he look after your baby?

MaltipooMama · 30/04/2025 21:04

I was and still am really lucky in my opinion with my partner’s contribution throughout my maternity leave. He works full time but fully remote, so at home 100% of the time for work. From day one though he split the nights with me, my baby was formula fed so we alternated nights with him which meant I slept through the night until 8am every other day which was a lifesaver. He finishes work at 5pm and would immediately take over responsibility of the baby from Mon-Fri 5-7pm including bath and bedtime routine every evening so I could have a break and make dinner. I picked up the majority of household responsibilities and mental load throughout my maternity leave and he would chip in with bits and bobs (he washed up after dinner daily, did all the dog walks and carted the laundry to and from the washing machine/dryer etc) but I took care of all the other day to day stuff. Weekends we split everything equally

Scottishgirl85 · 30/04/2025 21:00

I did everything while husband was working. So from 6.30am until 6.30pm due to his commute. Then evenings and nights were split equally. Basically non-working time should be 50:50. In the nicest way, you have 1 baby and 2 adults. It shouldn't be too challenging.