To think childcare should be (somewhat) shared even on mat leave?

I also wouldn't be doing work emails 3 weeks PP, why are you expected to? X

my husband was off work for the first 3 weeks so we literally shared everything until that point and then we went to my routine above. If I had a C-section, I know for a fact my husband would have insisted on helping me with the night feeds, even if it was just getting bottle ready and/or getting baby out of crib so I didn’t have too, regardless of whether he was working or not.

I have a 6 month old, we do 50/50 when my partner is home from work. I do all the cleaning, washing etc in the daytime, he does all the cooking. I mostly do all night wakings (my baby is a shite sleeper) but he will help if I need it. We both have about an hour at night to ourselves, we tend to have a long bath each while the other is with the baby, so we both get some downtime. I get a lie in both weekend days (if i want/need them) as I do night wakings over the weekend too.

C-section recovery is no joke. You’re still in recovery phase and I think he should be doing everything he can to help you during this bit, forget the “fair” and “right split of labour” for now. I’d say you’re still in proper recovery-mode until about 6 weeks.

I had a c-section and the recovery is tough.

If you’d had a major operation and not a baby, people would be helping you out loads! There’s something about it being a childbirth experience that makes people think mothers can cope fine - which is absurd since not only are you recovering from major surgery, you also have a newborn!

I did everything from 8am (ish) when DH left, until 6/7pm (ish) when DH came home. After 6/7, he did everything else (tbf, that was an hour or so until they went to bed!). I’d already cooked by then, done dinner and bath time (usually).

When they were babies, I breastfed through the night so he got up in the morning and let me catch up on the last hour or so of sleep.

But if he had worked from home, I definitely would have wanted more help every now and again, so long as it didn’t interrupt work, so I didn’t have to lean on things like CBeebies so I could cook. And I know he’d have wanted to give it during the odd break so he could spend more time with them. He didn’t wfh though, which made the division easier and the lines less blurred.

Use it as opportunity to think about return to work and incorporate your planned work pattern, into allocation of childcare inc drop offs and pick ups, if you can. That means for him not such a big change in routine, when you return to work. This gives you time to find your feet, whilst he can keep things steady at home.

We did shared PL and DH is also a teacher so some time fell in holidays.
During the time I was on leave I did everything while he was at school. Nights were 50/50. Actually I think he did more as he is very much a night owl. Cooking I always do as I like it. Cleaning was split.

I pretty much handed Dh a baby (and second time around a baby and a 5 year old) the second he came through the door. I could then do anything I needed to do, cook dinner and he’d pretty much sort them through the end of bath time. In the very early weeks, I’d just go to bed and sleep.

Up until about 6-8 weeks, he had them in a sling from 7pm til 10pm, bring to me for a feed, take them back until the next feed around 12/1am and then he’d go to bed and I’d take over. It meant I started the night with a good 4-5 hours of sleep around feeds.

My 2nd was EBF so I did all the feeds, but first was eventually ff. Dh made every single nighttime bottle. I changed the nappies, he got the bottle and then usually I did the feed, unless I was unwell or something. But basically, he was up helping in some way with every feed. We could both function with enough sleep, but didn’t make sense for one of us to be completely wiped out and the other sleeping 8 hours a night.

There was definitely no going to the gym and limited nights out with friends. There will be plenty of time for that when everything settles down, but it’s not in the first few months of having a baby. When he’s not working, he needs to be with his child, more than 50% definitely, to make up for the time he loses while working.

DH left the house at 8 but had already made up 6 bottles ( this was years ago). I did everything during the day. Cleaned and did laundry during baby naps. DH got home at 6 and started cooking. One of us cleared up afterwards; the other did baby care. DH did 11pm feed while I went to bed. I did middle of the night feeds. DH did plenty of childcare at weekends.

Working from home doesn’t mean he’s able to look after the baby for 2 hours. He’s working.

As above, working hours need to be out of bounds, 50/50 the rest of the time.

This won’t be what you want to hear but I do pretty much everything including all night feeds (breastfeeding). DH works out of the home 6-6 3 days a week and on those days he will look after her for an hour or so when he gets in. Weekends he will get up with her in the morning so I can have a lie in and he will always help if we’re having a bad night. He also will look after her as much as I want when he’s not working so I can see friends/get my nails done etc.

I do 80% of the cooking and we have a cleaner so not much to do there. He’s an excellent father and I feel very well looked after, I do my bit by making sure he’s not exhausted and then having to do a full days work without a break.

Works for us and there’s no resentment from either of us as we work as a team, I would hate to have to have a rota!

Currently pregnant with my second so feel very happy to read this comment!

when my husband works from home (perhaps twice a week), he’ll hold the baby if I need the loo mid-bottle. Otherwise, nah, he’s working. Important to maintain those boundaries. Outside of working hours (including any commute time) we’re 50/50.

Totally. I find two easier than one because I’m fully adjusted and have forgotten what life used to be like.

Having no down time is a hell of change at first.

We did exactly the same, although DH had the monitor to 1am, but exact same approach and split.

I was going to write a response but @Mrsttcno1has pretty much exactly described what we did when DS was a newborn.

I do think, though, that you can get fixated on making sure everything is split 50:50 but that’s not always actually ‘fair’ because different people have different strengths.

Regardless though of the adult to child ratio it’s still a massive lifestyle change and an overwhelmingly responsibility to get to grips with, especially if you’re shattered and sleep deprived

Oh and Friday/Saturdays night we shared the overnight feeds. I took over again from Sunday so he could get a full night sleep before work on a Monday

Agree with the above. I did everything during the day while my DH was working and then everything was shared 50/50 the rest of the time

When my son was a baby we did the following:

6am - 8am: Husband took baby so I could sleep. He did feeds, changes etc, then got himself ready for work as he was already getting up for work anyway at that time.

While husband at work: Me obviously

5pm ish - 9pm: Joint, one would cook dinner (normally me), the other would take baby. If I wanted a shower to do some cleaning or just have a break he would keep baby until I had finished and visa versa but we basically parented together when he got home from work.

9pm - 11pm: Husband, I would go to bed at 9pm and sleep until 1am when baby started night feeds. Husband would do 11pm feed and then come to bed with baby.

1am - 6am: Me, I did the overnight feeds as husband needed to sleep to work. Our last night feed was 5am so with husband taking him from 6am, I was able to get 3 hours full sleep which feels like a whole night when you are in thick of it lol.

My husband doesn’t work from home, so couldn’t help me during the day, but if he worked from home I think he would have probably offered to have him on his lunch break if I was in the house.

re the chores - I did all the cleaning, always had done before baby was here. I don’t really mind as I actually enjoy cleaning but i will ask for help at times and he will do whatever I need him too.

Cooking again, it was mainly me as I was at home. When baby was tiny I would get it all prepared and ready for when he got home as nap time ended up being perfect for that. As my son got older and started weaning it didn’t work as well and so we would just decide on the day. If I was able to do it I did, if not he helped when he got home by either cooking himself or taking the baby so I could.

I did everything from waking until dh came in from work at 6pm, dh would have tea then do ds bedtime. Ds was a terrible sleeper so I would go to bed around 8pm and dh had monitor until he went to bed around 11. Then at week end we would have a layin each and either parent together or each get a break. Housework I did everything in the week and we split it at weekend