What to expect 10 year olds to do round the house...

Me too! My 10 year old puts clothes away and will set the table. Not much else though.

The fuck it bucket has proven successful so far!!
Highly recommend!
We’ve got L-shaped stairs, so our bucket lives on the first little bit of landing, so both upstairs and downstairs crap can be put in there easily and it’s in a very visible position when the DCs are going up and down the stairs….so ball is in their court entirely regarding things getting dumped/donated 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm extremely pro-ironing. Although I also have a handheld steamer which is amazing.

Tidy rooms, make beds, load and unload dishwasher or wash dishes and put them away, use microwave, run vacuum, dust, clean sinks and toilets and tile, mop, do a load of laundry, feed and water animals, shovel some snow, weeding, depending on developmental level, some basic cooking.

My brother and I were both given household chores really young and I think that's a good thing. I remember standing on a step stool and washing dishes at the sink when I was 4.

Yes to this!

Your work changes as children grow, and it should change, because their needs change.

They do not need a parent who cleans up after them. They need a parent who works hard at training them to do more and more of the care and keeping of themselves and make more and more of a contribution to keeping their home ticking over.

I didn't find expecting them to reassemble a bed worked very well as they would forget about it until heading to bed, tired, so just climb in without the sheets on causing the bed to get grubby. Putting their own clothes away and washing up/loading the dishwasher were tasks they were doing by about 10 though.

My boys are 13 & 11 and they unload dishwasher, put a load of laundry on (when asked), put their laundry away, take bins out and vacuum.
13 also makes pancakes at the weekend, bread and cooks dinner on occasion.

Well we still iron things, school shirts and bedding for DCs, bedding and things that don’t hang well for me and DP. Although I don’t do it, I’m lucky enough that my lovely cleaner does it as part of her job when she comes. I’d still iron the same things if I wasn’t able to have her though. I find if I don’t have things ironed I look a mess.

OMG I love the idea of the fuck it basket

Keep their bedrooms tidyish; wipe up spills or seek help;make their beds assuming they have duvets and help set the table and bits and bobs if asked alongside an adult.

Friends of mine cleaned the whole house everyday, I didn’t like that and wouldn’t expect that of my children.

do people still iron? outwith weddings and suchlike?

I am in exactly the same position.... path of least resistance... at the time!

Oh and it's definitely harder to get them to do things rather than just doing it yourself but you're their parent, it's your job to prepare them for adult life and even if it's hard you need to persevere.

These things are best started at a really young age. If it’s taught to them from the beginning that everyone lives here so everybody helps they’re not going to question it when they’re older it will just be second nature.

Even at 3/4 years old they can be helping to tidy up their own toys or carry their own plate back to the kitchen.

It really is about being consistent so thinks become second nature to them. If they get changed and you see dirty clothes on the floor it’s asking them to come and pick them up and put them in the laundry basket themselves rather than just doing it yourself because it’s quicker.

Get a whiteboard/chalkboard for the house that has everybody’s names on and each day a list of small chores they have to complete. Taking the rubbish out, hoovering the front room, watering the plants, emptying dishwasher etc. Make it a rule that nobody gets their iPads, pudding, tv time or whatever you choose until jobs are done.

And if you have boys, they need to be trained to wipe any splashes they leave on ot around the loo. Nobody else should ever have to clean up after them.

They should be responsible for -
Their own school lunches.
Emptying their schoolbags regularly and disposing of worksheets or work they've brought home.
Keeping track of when they need PE gear, art supplies, etc. for school and getting that ready the night before.

Making their own beds daily.
Stripping their beds once a week, putting on a bedding plus clothing wash, putting wash out to dry, remaking their beds, putting clothing away or in airing cupboard along with bedding.
Keeping their rooms tidy and clean - all hoovering and polishing and window cleaning.

Helping with meal prep twice a week. They should be learning to prepare a whole meal - maybe Saturday lunch to start with.
Loading or unloading dishwasher.
Bringing their own plates, glasses, mugs, to the kitchen after all meals or snacks or drinks, scraping or emptying, and leaving them wherever you prefer to have them left.

You for your part will need to sit them down and make sure they understand your expectations, including performing the chores and doing them without whining. Make a chore chart and a reminder notice about whining.

Take them to task about whining and do not let things slide. Your management skills are essential here, and you need to be on the ball constantly.

Yes, that means work, but it's essential you do this work. You will be teaching your DCs essential life skills, developing their confidence and self esteem enormously, showing them they are accountable to you (supremely important as the teen years approach), and demonstrating management skills to them too.

You will be training them to transition smoothly into the next phase of their lives, where responsibility and accountability must accompany a certain amount of increased trust and freedom.

My parents didn't get us to do anything and it took me literal years of my adult life to learn what I should have been taught as a child/teen.

Because of that I made sure my kids know how to do all household tasks, now I can ask them to do the dishwasher, clean the kitchen, clean the bathroom, put a wash on (and they know how to separate colours and which things can't go in the dryer) sweep, hoover, mop, clean the bathroom etc.

You have to sit/stand and watch them several times and talk them through every little step until they can reliably do it themselves. They might not like it but it's tough, they will be running their own houses one day and believe me it's much easier to learn over a few years as a teen/kid when the full responsibility isn't yours.

My 10yo and 7yo makes their beds, keep rooms tidy, and tidy up after themselves as standard. Will set the table. Will strip beds. 10yo puts clothes away when asked. They empty the dishwasher at the weekend. They will dust if asked and made to, and likewise vacuum, badly. 7yo needs more assistance. They don't do all these things all the time. They're just in training imo!

OP I know you're looking for advice which is a good sign but you really need to turn things around ASAP before they become useless and lazy teens/adults. I appreciate 10 is still a child but good habits need to be formed. It's really unfair to set people up that way in life and makes independent living 1000x more difficult when the time comes.

I think 10 is too young. I did chores like dusting when I was younger and the odd clothes wash, but not until I was about 12/13. I did not get paid for it - it was seen as part of being a family and looking after our home together.

What I was expected to do at 10 (and before), however, was tidy my own room, put my clothes in the wash basket and away once washed. I think that is sufficient for a child.

Mine are younger than that but I think at that age I only set the table (and was expected to keep my room tidy but not sure I did that very consistently!). I might have helped with the dishwasher but certainly didn’t own it as a task - that concept came later around age 13 or so. And no money linked to it, it was just about being a civilised human and family member.

My 10 year old has to tidy and hoover her room weekly before she gets her pocket money (same as her older siblings). She doesn't do a perfect job, but she is getting better. I'll do a proper overhaul of her room once or twice a year to retrieve all the crap that's disappeared under and behind the bed etc.

Other than that they take it in turns to clear and wipe the table after dinner, set the table and sweep the kitchen floor. My older ones put their clean laundry away, but the youngest isn't quite tall enough.

I think it’s easier to get them to take ownership of small regular jobs. I have 10 yo twins one cleans the table after every meal, the other sweeps the kitchen floor. Older DC loads / unloads dishwasher unless he cooks in which case I do.

You need a schedule, so that on those days they know they have to do it and some things are daily which they already do like brushing their teeth. You need to add to their list as they get older so it doesn't suddenly become a massive list of things they need to do as a functioning adult. You are raising them to become functioning adults. We had a laminated tick list so they ticked off and we reminded them to check the list.

You don't pick up after them because all it teaches them is that you will do it. Do not pay for chores because when they are adults no one is paying them.

In primary mine would have pulled their duvet back to allow the bed to air and on a set day stripped their bed and put it into the washing machine. This does not take long and was done before school. They can try to put it all back on as much as possible and for those declaring this is too hard they do this on residential school trips, make their beds up.

The rule we had for meal times was everyone clears the table, puts things into the dishwasher with guidance on where things go. Everyone stays in the kitchen until everything is clean and put away, a team effort so they understood what goes into making a meal from planning, to shopping, making it and clearing up afterwards. The children can wipe and dry the table. Good cross body movements. We would put music on to help pass the time.

Their rooms were tidied daily but their rooms were for sleeping in as they had a playroom and some things were left out for days on end like Scalextric track.

All things like bags, coats, shoes were all put away. If they weren't I would wait until they were engrossed in playing and then tell them they had to come back to do it.

Sock pairing, putting their laundry away under supervision until you can trust them, wiping out a bathroom sink, loading their things into the dishwasher and unloading a dishwasher are things they are more than capable of doing. Unpacking shopping and putting some of it away too.

I should add mine are young adults now, their rooms are tidy, even at uni, they cook from scratch, clean, shop and I raised them to think of others.

Made their beds, kept room tidy, empty dishwasher, things like that. My son did his own ironing from 13 on, plus much of his cooking.