Young adults, rent, chores

Wow just reading this makes me claustrophobic. 😳 (your update with plans for everyone staying with you).

There is NO WAY I’d put up with any of this. My dd is 22 and she’s welcome to come home but on her own - I wouldn’t have any partners etc living with us. Where’s the incentive to move out? I really hope the £250 rise in the rent etc works out and they start pulling their weight but I think they know they’ve got it nice and cushy with you and they know you won’t really chuck them out. I’d be changing the WiFi password and all sorts!

She’s an ally & could help talk to them about it.

Crikey how many bedrooms do you have?!

I think your son was very disrespectful cutting you short.

You're the homeowner and the bill payer. He is there by your goodwill and his GF too. Yet he won't even let you have your say about how he and his GF trash your and your other child's home. This guy and his GF should be feeling the wrath right now and he blew you off.

It's time for consequences if these two don't clean up their act. They leave trash out, throw it on their bed. Same with their dirty dishes. Unplug the dryer. Change the Wi-Fi password. Like kids, they can get it when they've done their chores. Time to make them as uncomfortable as possible.

You're about to have a full house and they've overstayed and been dirty and costly and worn out their welcome.

Take fuse out of tumble.
Switch off wifi.
Empty fridge.
These Benefits are earnt with showing respect for you and your rules.
Buy ear muffs and keep them on.
If they don't like it well they know how to fix it. Either move out or play nice

Hire a cleaner to come in twice a week and increase their contribution accordingly.

My adult kids are home too and they can swing from being super helpful to leaving the place in a mess. It is not bad enough to get a cleaner in to help but it's very annoying! So I feel your pain.

I would use the return of your other children to the house to get the gf out.

If she leaves, your DS will probably spend time at her parents in Ireland, plus have to work more to be able to afford flights there etc.

Or, she’ll up her hours to be able to rent somewhere and then your DS will move in with her.

They are very much taking the piss at the moment and I imagine the agreement you get today won’t actually materialise into hard work and housework tomorrow 🙄

150 rent and 150 for maid services going forward

Most pubs have hours that they can offer - a person can do several shifts at different pubs to make their hours up. Also fast food outlets tend to have a high turnover of staff & will be able to offer a few hours a week - even if they unsocial, it's money isn't it?

Well done so far, but I suspect your resident DC isn't taking you seriously & will continue to take the wee-wee.

When your other DCs return you will need to be specific about rent & household expectations. EG: fine for you to move in with me while looking for somewhere else to live, but I need £x per month, also I expect you to cook for everyone x times a week, buy your own toiletries, keep the communal living areas clean & tidy, by which I mean, all children's toys in the toy box, vacuuming every day etc. Whatever you decide. I would suggest that you buy a white board with the rota for cooking, cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming main living areas, the kitchen surfaces wiped down & floor mopped every evening & who is responsible for doing this every day. I would also add that the tumble drier is only to be used in an emergency - eg: when unable to dry laundry outside & need is urgent so can't be dried on an airer inside. Put it in writing.

Hopefully having siblings who follow the rules may put pressure on DS to follow them too.

Sorry OP, I have a particular issue with young adults not working full time for no particular reason. I was brought up to think that is unacceptable. More and more young people don’t work full time. However, they don’t seem to be able to live independently.
I would not be able to accept a young adult living with me on these terms. Nor a girlfriend. You should raise the rent and have a plan for them to move out.

Totally! Some folk just got what it takes. I only have one adult here with me. Feels enough!

My eldest just got gentrified out of her place and might have to move back in for a bit if she doesn't find a place soon. But she's working and going to school and does a lot around the house.

Hang on you are going to have 7 adults and 2 children living with you? 😯 You are an absolute saint.

I was just about to write the same comment, bill them. Advise them honestly how it makes you feel.

You could allow them the first offence - e.g. you remind them of rule. If it happens again £5, if again £10 but ensure it goes up after 1st offence. My DD has this rule in her house share - a housemate gets a chore has a week to complete. If they don't do it after a week are charged £5 or first round of drinks in the pub.

good luck

@Augustus40 they can use their brains to figure out internet access instead of being pisstaking freeloaders. Mobile data (paid for by themselves) or libraries exist.
Not sure why a previous poster mentioned them living on 'the streets' when they're both capable of finding somewhere to rent like other functional adults.

OP people have suggested consequences for the adults in the thread. Letting them use your property, utilities and possessions is a choice that you can change at any time.

I have a 21 year old who used to also leave a mess around. I made it clear that, as it’s my house, I set the standard that needs to be met in all communal areas and I will charge the going rate for cleaning if I come home to a mess. I tracked every bit of extra cleaning to the nearest 15 minutes over a month, provided regular updates and presented her with a (rather large) bill at the end of the month. She thought I was joking lol. Between DD and her boyfriend they mostly keep it clean and tidy now (I let some things go as I can see the improvement) so hitting them in the wallet worked for me and also treated them as adults rather than children.

Just tell them you're putting the rent up as you're not willing to keep subsiding them as it's not preparing them for living independently and they can't live with you indefinitely. Make it clear you expect them to move out in the next 12 months and in the meantime cut right back what you do for them.
You're partly enabling their lack of maturity.
Don't wash up after them, don't make meals - if you're currently feeding them you could just cut that out? Would be the same as putting the rent up.

I suspect that may be the case for the GF. She's got it easy hasn't she?

Waiting for your update - good luck. Remember MNers got your back 😘