Close friends / relatives that you thought would love your child - just have no interest…

This is very telling.
Friendship should be 50 - 50
Id pull back a bit and see how long it is before she reaches out.
That will tell you all you need to know
it seems very one side , so your children won’t be given a second thought.

I’m completely uninterested in other peoples children. I love my own.

most people are the same.

I think your expectations are unrealistic

I don't care about my friend's children either. Not even close friends. I may enquire out of politeness, but not interested really. Sorry.

I think the UK is not a particularly child-focussed culture. I grew up in another country and it was normal for my mum’s closest friends to interact with me when they visited, remember my birthday and give me a small gift etc.

I now do the same for my closest friends’ children and I do like and care about them and am interested in their lives. However in my wider circle and family nobody else gives a shit or makes any effort and I think it’s a bit sad. I don’t expect anything but it’s not really hard to put a date in your diary and send a quick birthday text, for example.

My parents aren’t interested in their Great Grandchild- if they see her then it’s because she’s at my house, they will not initiate visits / calls / texts (to parents) she’s only little.
At Christmas / birthdays they will give me her present so I give it to her.
It’s v strange (and sad).
Her mum (my DinL) used to really try but has given up and I don’t blame her.

It’s not normal to care in detail about Other People’s Children.

Or to expect it. Why do you think it bothers you?

I thought I would absolutely adore my cousins child as she is one of my best friends, but honestly we just don’t click and I find him a bit strange. It’s like any human relationship you can either click or not - on the other hand I have friends kids who I would do anything for

I love mynieces and nephews

I had this with my sister when I had my first DC. Minimal interest for the first couple of years. It was a different matter when we got a puppy! My sister is close enough to my DC now. I think she just has no interest in babies. It's hard not to feel a bit hurt but it's not really worth falling out over it.

You are NOT being unreasonable!

I am child free by choice - and I am so uninterested in random babies and children, BUT I love hanging out with my friends and their kids! They are their minis! 🥰 The only kids I like are my friends kids 😂

One of my best friends is having her first baby this year, and I’m so excited for her, and how our catch ups are going to be different.

I don't really think about my friend's children.

Isn’t the real issue that this friend no longer makes any effort with you?

You say you make 90% of the effort. So pull back and let her make the effort. If she suggests meeting up, telling her you’d love to and ask her to suggest some dates.

Basically put the ball in her court.

And yes, when she has kids, make sure you show zero interest in them.

I'm child-free (as in, never wanted them and haven't had them) and I'm not interested in my friends' kids. I laid the groundwork for this by telling them throughout my 20s that I wasn't interested in kids. Absolutely no one expected me to be cooing over baby pics! And they don't talk to me about their kids much - as one friend put it, I'm the one they come to when they want to get away from motherhood and have an adult conversation/adult night out. Very happy to play that role.

I have my own son, and I care about his little friends, and can sympathise with parents dealing with stuff with their own kids, but I don't care about kids outside of that.

The kids are the obstacle to me enjoying my adult friendships, they're not an added benefit to those adult friendships.

Think of it as if you had made another friend, but that friend was constantly drunk, and you had to look after them/stop them doing stupid things/feed them properly/help them go to the toilet/cancelled meet ups with your friend because of them/shouted all the time when you brought them to see your friend etc. That's what a toddler is to a childless person - a massively semi-verbal liability who your friend is for some reason obsessed with.

And as PP said, unless your friend happens to be a child development specialist (which I was in a former life), it can be hard to ask specific questions about what is going on with them anyway!

"Not wanting children yet" is very often used by couples who are actually struggling with fertility but don't want to speak about it openly. We have a really good friend who stuck by this line and always insisted it just wasn't the right time for them yet. But as the years passed it's clear there is something going on because we're all over 40 now and if you really want children you won't faff around for 10 years. Her interest in our children has also dropped dramatically year by year, to the point she refuses to see us at all. So there's obviously something else but we're respecting her privacy without any hard feelings.

Definitely — my children have two uncles in the country, one who is 30 minutes away and one who is 6 hours away. We see them both about the same. I used to think the nearby BIL was great, but now I find him unbearably self-centred and sad he doesn’t care at all to know my children.

Neither have I, I love my nieces & nephews but other than that I don’t really have feeling towards my friends children, they are nice kids for the most part but I’m not particularly interested in them and certainly don’t love them

I am not that keen on my own kids, why should I be bothered by yours??

Is it your first OP?

Here's the thing OP, your kids aren't that important to anyone else other than the parents and grandparents.

Ok. That makes sense. No she wouldn’t be childfree by choice but I know what you mean which is the main thing. Thank you for clarifying.

My very close friend had three children quite close to each other. When the first was born I realised that if I wanted to continue with the close friendship I had to embrace the children and did so, chatting to them, finding out what their likes/dislikes were etc and this has continued into early adulthood. I’ve always bought them presents for Christmas and birthdays.
I had DS who is a couple of years younger than my friend’s children. I’ve noticed a marked difference in how she relates to my DS and it hurts. He is a quiet and respectful boy. When we are all together I notice how she never speaks to my DS other than to offer a drink in her house yet I speak to hers to ask how things are going etc. She buys him presents for Christmas and birthday but that’s always when she’s with me and desperate to know what he wants and I have to tell her there and then, it seems a massive inconvenience for her and not something that she’s even thought about until the day of giving the present is here. I’m now of the opinion that the relationship between us isn’t as dear to her as it is to me.

Why assume infertility? Perhaps they really like dogs and don’t like kids. Bombarding people with photos is weird though.

Well yes but I think that asking how their child/fog/knitting class is covers that. And OP said that they do ask. I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect much more than that.

I am puzzled by OP’s friend describing themself as childfree by choice though when they apparently intend to have children at some point. It’s normally reserved for people who intend to never have children.