Close friends / relatives that you thought would love your child - just have no interest…

Then there’s not much else you can do. Leave a door open for her but don’t prop up the friendship anymore.

My friends having kids has only ever been a barrier to our friendship, it’s never been beneficial. They always just disappear off the radar and become almost impossible to see. I’m always disappointed when a friend is pregnant I’m afraid, as it will mean that’s another one about to disappear.

Other peoples kids are boring. Listening to adults constantly talking about their kids is boring.

I was probably like your friend before I became a parent myself. I wasn’t at all interested in my best friend’s children, and I did the bare minimum towards them to be polite. But I didn’t really want to see them and wasn’t that interested in how they were doing (beyond of course not wanting anything bad to happen to them). Once I became a parent myself, I realised how meaningful it was to have friends want to meet my child and express interest in them. I regret not pretending to be more interested in my friends’ kids earlier, and I would fake it more if I could go back and do it again because I see how much it can mean to the parent.

I see what you mean OP. I don’t massively care about other people’s kids in general, but I do care about my close friends and hence take an interest in their children, make a note of birthdays, ask how they’re doing etc. It’s all part of being a good friend, and would hope for my friends to likewise take an interest in things which are important to me, be it my children or anything else.

My dsis couldn't care less about my dc..unless she wants to show off what a great aunty she is on fb 🙄 It's very hurtful but unfortunately there's not much you can do about it. Maybe it's time to cut her out of your life?she sounds like an uncaring person and it's unfair that you make most of the effort 💔

Some people aren’t arsed about children, me included. If they had a cat I would coo over it and be excited to see it but a baby, no.

I was disappointed too, op, but being a little older and wiser now, I think disinterest is the norm, and judging by history, always was.

Even the relatives who do love my dc, are visitors - all in for a few hours at a time, and then disappear.

It’s incredibly important to be able to provide for a child, even beyond your own death. I don’t think we talk enough about the responsibility of having children, and the reality of relationships.

The ability to plan and choose are so recent that we haven’t developed social wisdom, and between that and ridiculous Hollywood stereotypes about enduring friendships, most of us go into it all a bit clueless.

Sorry nope. Best friends kids.....I'll be nice but I wouldn't say I have feelings for them, I k lh care for my own kids and my niece and nephew tbh

Just to add to my point sometimes the interest isn't there because peoples kids can be a PITA!

My nieces who by rights I should be more interested in than my friends kid are little s*s because their parents won't to tell them off/parent them properly so I do find it hard to feign interest to be honest. They are so stressful to be around that I dread it.

Yes! My son's keyworker is fantastic with him, he's bouncing in his pram if we see her out and about - and I give her a friendly smile and steer him firmly away. She mouthed "thank you" once.

It's a world of difference having a professional interest in kids you see daily than socially.

Parents can be as self obsessed - or obsessed with their own lives - as anyone ime.

I’ve noticed this from some friends too. I think some people are just a lot more guarded, they see children as simple a small person that they don’t really know, so they’re not willing to really put in a huge effort when they wouldn’t with an adult type thing.
I agree it can be upsetting if you had expectations of someone and they won’t meet then, it can leave you feeling disappointed, yet this is just how it is.

I think that’s normal. I like my friends therefore I like their children as that’s a big part of their life but I don’t particularly want to spend time with them. I only have one friend that is very close and involved with my child and that’s probably due to them wanting/not being able to have their own child and they were invited to be a part of their life from the beginning (there for the birth, visited them frequently when I was on maternity leave etc).

I have thought similarly to you in the past, but actually when I think of other peoples children I often find them pretty annoying or I’m indifferent to them, so it’s unreasonable of me to think my children should be thought of any differently.

I think we all think our children are special, but the reality is they are only special to us. We think of them 24/7, but friends without children often just see them as blocking their social life with you!

I understand you OP. I am grateful fir a whole circle of friends who love our children and are part of our village. Friends of all ages and relationship statuses.
And I have always tried to be part of the village for other children, even long before I had my own and despite feeling some degree of jealousy.

We live in such an awful obsessively self-centred culture.

If she is a nursery assistant than surely she has had enough of kids!

I think would be odd too much interest someone else children who your not biological related unless you are a god parent or have children. I feel uncomfortable if my friends were too interested in my children.

This was me
Before I had kids I found baby talking very boring.
And once a new mum got on a roll …there was literally no end it

I can see both sides of this - I'm childfree by choice. I do make a huge effort with my closest friends kid and send her Christmas and Birthday presents etc. I love my friend (and her little girl is such a lovely child) so it's important to me to make her feel like I'm engaged and interested in the most important person in her world. It does take a lot of effort tho if you are not a parent.

I do find it more difficult with other friends that are parents - even if it's not conscious often they only chat about their life / the kid and never ask anything about my life. I have consciously stop bothering with a few friends who basically only talk about their kid and every meet-up is engineered around their setup as a parent.

In the last couple of years I've renovated a really interesting property with my partner - that's what has been the big thing in my world. It's not a child no, but it is what is going on with me and a real passion project. It is staggering how many friends have not asked me a single question about that but I've patiently sat through every chat about nursery / things they've babbled / favourite nappies etc and asked engaged questions about their child.

It's good to step back sometimes if you are parent and consider if every chat winds it way back to your child/parenthood. It can get a little dry for non-parents.

I’ve found since having kids that some people are more kiddie/family focused than others, and that’s fine. Some of my friends take an active interest in my DC, remember their birthdays, want to spend time with them etc. Mostly they are parents themselves, but not exclusively. I’m like this with my closest friends DC (and especially my godson). Then I have my childfree friends who ask politely after my DC like you might ask about someone’s job, and some of them (but not all) can even remember the names of my 3 DC. The only one that hurts is a former very close friend who started backing away once I had DC, was less than congratulatory when I told her I was pregnant with DC2 then totally ditched me when I developed a chronic illness.

@SueSuddio
sorry that relay was meant for the op.
My phone dud something weird

Most children are boring and people generally don’t care about other people’s kids. Especially people who don’t have kids themselves. Your expectations of your friend are too high.