Close friends / relatives that you thought would love your child - just have no interest…

To be more specific to your situation, I can see both sides. Your child is an enormous part of your life now so of course you want to share the details of your day and new family dynamic. To not feel like you can freely talk about this huge aspect of your life is a loss and would make it difficult to maintain the friendship.

Your friend is probably like most people, in that she really doesn't want to hear about someone else's child for more than a passing comment or two. I am a mother, but there is nothing worse than listening to another mother talk about their child without it being a back and forth conversation, truly. Since your friend doesn't have a child, she probably feels like she is more in the listening role rather than being able to engage on that particular topic.

That being said, I do think that she should show a bit more effort because it sounds like she is actively choosing to almost ignore the fact that you have a child, and that's taking it a bit far. I can't imagine not sending a gift for a birthday or Christmas to my best friend's baby, or asking how DC was at the start of each convo before shifting back to "adult" conversation. Feels a little hostile on her part and I don't think that the friendship will remain close if this all continues.

I find Mumsnet so weird sometimes, people talk about children as though they are a separate species and not actual people in their own right who are worth spending time with and getting to know.
I am very interested in my friends’ kids. I know when their birthdays are, and probably where they are having their party and what presents they want as well. I know who is struggling at school and who is doing well, I know what their interests and hobbies are, and not just because my friends tell me but because I have conversations with the kids themselves.
i understand that not everyone is drawn to children, but to dismiss them as not worthy of your time because they’re ’just kids’ is so strange to me.
My child free friend is wonderful with my children. I think she loves them, they certainly adore her, and she enhances their lives so much.

or some child free aunties like me,

I don’t even love my niece or nephew. Fond of them, yes but that’s it. The only child I love is my own.

She doesn’t sound like a very good friend OP, not just the lack of interest in your child but just making no effort in general.

I have a close group of friends, most of us have children but a couple don’t. We all take an interest in each others lives and children. I love my friends, I love their children and they love mine but that’s clearly weird on mumsnet. Our children have grown up together and are all very close and we’re like family. Actually better, as my family are a bit shit really.

I wouldn’t bother putting any more effort into this friendship if I was you. I don’t know how people expect to keep friends if they show so little interest in the things that matter to others.

We moved 100 miles to be close to my in laws as they had always been so invested in SIL’s kids and DH mistakenly thought they would be in ours. They couldn’t have given less of a shit. DD is now in her 20s and has no relationship with them whatsoever. My parents adore her thankfully so she knows it’s not her.

I have felt this completely. Both godparents were chosen (not married or connected) because they were so special to me and both haven't given DD a thought for her entire life. The godmother was my best friend and maid of honor, and now I never even hear from her in general. Godfather is a very close relative and really couldn't care less about DD even when he sees her. I don't think DD even knows she has godparents.

No other friends have ever cared, but I didn't really expect them to as I don't really take any special interest in my friend's children either--just my own. But it's the godparent thing that has always bothered me.

But yeah, even my own sibling doesn't really give a crap about DD. Let's his spouse buy the gifts, etc.

Children are hard work, in order to be a good successful parent you need to be patient calm and selfless.
Children place an enormous cost and burden on those who care for them but without children there is no ongoing society, no one to start the services and businesses etc. Society as a whole benefits from the production of new humans but the parents bear by far the greater part of the cost.

Other peoples kids are boring as hell. I don’t give a shite if my friends grandkid got a gold star for painting a picture, or running faster than the other 30 equally boring kids in their class. I’ll just nod politely and mutter something about being suitably impressed, then completely forget about it five minutes later.

Of course, my grandchildren, are undoubtedly the most beautiful, talented, accomplished and intelligent kids in the world. Oddly enough, my friends just can’t see this, and seem to think they are just normal kids like theirs. One even looked bored when I showed her the video of my granddaughter counting to ten for about the fifteenth time. Honestly, some people!

I have 2 children and am quite a mother hen type. I have absolutely zero interest in friends or family member’s children. 😂 Like we have good friends, Dh was best man in their wedding. Their second child is 18 months old and I completely forgot he even existed the other day. Had to ask Dh if he remembered his name because I truly didn’t remember. I would always be welcoming and friendly if we have them over and I would feed them well, and if one was about to get hit by a bus, I’d save them. But I don’t have much more interest than that. Other people’s children are a bit boring and annoying, but I do care about my friends and that’s where my interest lies really.

My view as happily child free: babies are boring, noisy and oddly repellent. Toddlers are noisy and supremely irritating. There is a golden Window between six and 11 if they havé been properly brought up.

Your friend probably feels similarly. Don't take it personally.

My children are teenagers now and I haven't been surprised by anyone's reaction to them. I have friends/family who love kids in general, love playing with them etc. and predictably these are the friends/family that still take an interest in my rapidly growing children, still send them presents, still ask about them.
Conversely, I have friends/family who just aren't into kids and these are the ones who've never been that interested in mine. It's fine with me.

I have 4 children, but I have 0 interest in anyone else's. I don't think to ask about other people's children for the most part. Unless they've got something specific (first day at school, operation etc) going on. At work, we talk about kids as a way to pass the time I guess, but in terms of friends I text regularly, not so much.

Maybe i am the outlier because i always send my close friends children birthday cards and presents and genuinley enjoy seeing photos of them and my friends do the same to mine

I'm child free by choice but of an age where my closest friends mostly all small children. I don't consider it much effort or concession to remember their birthdays and will always send a card or a small gift though will say I don't have lots of close friends so presumably this is much easier when the numbers are few. It's not really about the children, it's the fact I love and care for my friend and it's fairly evident that having a baby or children is now a very significant part of her life and I want to try and show that I'm conscious of that.

I have no particular emotional feelings towards the children other than obviously I care for their welfare (eg would of course be worried if one became very unwell or similar).I'm happy to be sent pictures and often ask for them because I want to demonstrate an interest in my friends life with her family. I often ask if she would like to go out together somewhere with the kids and am more than happy to do it that even if it's not something I'd otherwise choose to be doing. She has kids now, this is a large portion of her life, my feeling is that I want to support her and I want to retain a good friendship as I hope she would if something in my life changed - love the kids like my own though, no.

I agree with lots of previous comments, but I'm also going to put out a (less generous) option. I'm childfree by choice, maybe a bit of a fence-sitter in that I'm leaving the option open but will probably not have kids. Despite the lack of trying or (known) fertility issues I still find it difficult when a friend announces a pregnancy. Things change, they're more focused on family and less available for socialising, you inevitably have less in common. It's not an attractive part of my personality and I'd rarely admit it outwith an anonymous forum, but my initial reaction to a pregnancy announcement is 'oh not again'. So maybe she feels like that, in which case you'd both be right to pull back a bit.

My brother and his wife would probably say I show no interest in their offspring but tbh its because they (the adults) are intolerable and have become more so since having kids.

Bit sad to hear no one loves their friends/families kids though. I would definitely say that I love/care for my mates’ kids as much as I do the friend themselves.

I'm a childfree woman, childfree by choice. I've lost count of the number of friends who seem to think that because I don't have my own children I ought to be desperate to be involved with theirs/ send gifts and cards and generally behave like they expect their close family to behave.

OP I agree with you but I think we’re in the minority, I was the last of my friends to have children and before I had mine I made a special effort with my friend’s children, I’d go round and visit so I didn’t put my friends out, I’d remember their birthdays and engage with them when I visited and always took them little things when I saw them, as well as checking in on my friends to see how they were doing and if they needed anything. Unfortunately I didn’t get the same back when mine was born (perhaps my friends were just over the baby stage by then) and judging by so many of the replies you’ve had, it seems people are more likely to just be indifferent which I find sad. Curious to know if any of the posters who have actively said they wouldn’t give a shit are part of the “children need a village” brigade!

If you both have young children of similar ages then there is an incentive to be involved with each other's children because you can have mutually beneficial reciprocal caring arrangements.
If one party has children and the other doesn't then there's very little incentive 🤷🏻‍♀️
Grandparents/close relatives might take an interest in your children but underlying that will be an expectation of care and support from the children when they are older in the future.

Not true

Am very close to my great nieces and nephews (and their parents)

Your expectations are unreasonable. Just because you're friends doesn't mean she will be strongly attached to or be interested in your baby. You're also at very different stages in your lives since you have a child and she doesn't. Moms of young children tend to have their lives center around their children and you possibly expected her to have some of that focus.

I like babies so I’m always interested when a friend has one and will visit, send gifts etc. But of course this isn’t the case for everyone and I have many friends who show zero interest in my DC beyond politely asking how they are. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest as our friendship isn’t predicated on how much they care about them. It sounds as if your friendship itself has changed though. Strong friendships should be able to ‘survive’ changes such as parenthood - they may weaken a bit when one friend is in the trenches of those early years but hopefully resume and recover as the DC get older.

I will say that as the mum of 9 and 11 year old, I do zone out a bit when my two close friends with toddlers start talking about potty training, nursery dramas etc. We went out for dinner the other evening and they talked non stop about the incredibly cute and wonderful things the 2 years old are saying and doing
I know I was the same when mine were little but it’s quite dull to listen to. All of that stuff is so far behind me I can barely muster any interest even though I do like their adorable DC.

I think this is the right call. Concentrate on those who do make an effort with you.

I agree with this. Unless someone is into babies and little kids anyway and have that way with them, then there's not much to be interested in for other people. Even when mine were little and I was more interested in the day-to-day stuff of child development, I still didn't even especially like my friends' DCs tbh. The things that you look past with your own - stinky nappies, snotty noses, crying - are still off-putting in other kids. I'd care if they got hurt ofc and I wish them well, but they wouldn't be on my mind to actively care about let alone 'adore'. Much prefer (some of) them now they're older and their personality comes out and they can be witty and interesting. Others have turned out to be not so nice, for me at least, and that's fair enough. You only have blanket love for your own and maybe close relations, if you are genuinely close. Others are their own people and most of us aren't so objectively loveable.