Close friends / relatives that you thought would love your child - just have no interest…

It's a running joke with one of my friends that I always ask after her dogs (and demand pictures of them) but never her kids. I always take treats for the dogs when I visit, too! (I'm a dog-lover who can't own one because of other circumstances.)

That's very sad. I'm guessing she was tricky as a mother?

God, there are some miserable people on this thread! Including some who don't seem to even love their own nieces and nephews!

I do care about my friends' children, very much (only two of my friends have children, with each other). Those friends are also very caring towards my daughter, as are some other friends.

A couple of my friends are child-free and planning to stay that way- they aren't massively interested in my daughter, which doesn't offend me at all, but they will still ask after her and remember her birthday.

I think it depends on the type of person. I personally love my friends children. We have all known each other 25 years now and have recently started having children in the last two years. When I found out they were pregnant, I could not stop shopping for their babies, even now! Now that I am expecting, they make all of the effort, buying me things and constantly asking about how baby is developing and counting down the days until baby arrives! Our children will no doubt grow up like cousins. I don't think you're being unreasonable. I would be absolutely gutted if my best friends didn't show any interest in my children.

I didn't realise so many people cared so little about their friends' children! I love my niece and nephew totally and I care a huge amount about my friends' children. A DD of a friend is started GCSEs soon. I've known her since she was a tiny toddler and apart from being amazed that she's now so big, I am so nervous for her and am hoping with all my might that she does well. I buy presents for all my friends' kids and I want to hear regular updates on what they're doing.They're a huge part of my friends' lives - that's why I am interested. Do people just talk to their friends about jobs and world events and such and not mention kids? I'd find that really odd. Even my childfree friend asks regularly about my kids.

I think though, with friends and family, part of being close is expressing interest in what they care about.

Being the childless/child-free (even if just for now) friend is a really hard line to walk. Everyone is different and it is so, so hard to strike the balance between being interested and overwhelming a friend, between being interested and making someone feel like they’ve lost their own separate personality.

I have friends who’ve disappeared into their own baby bubble, are loving it and just want to be left alone to enjoy it. I have others who would love more visits from friends and family and feel they’ve been forgotten about. I have friends who want to talk endlessly about the minutiae of parenting and others who get the hump if you ask one too many questions because they’ve had enough of it all and just want adult conversation about adult things. And sometimes, at different times they’re all the same friend.

You’ve gone from being part of the same world to being part of a different world we aren’t and might never be part of (intentionally or otherwise). Cut us some slack and please tell us what you need/want. We aren’t mind readers.

I have been impressed by quite how spectacularly disinterested my siblings have been.

I don’t think they’ve ever asked after them, and other then when they were born have never visited.

I don’t let it bother me, it just is what it is. I am more bothered that they probably see me less now I’ve had kids, as I (assume I) cramp their style.

Yup, my mother. First, probably only, grandchild due to age & fertility struggles - she claims to love children/babies - not much effort - she’s seen him about 5 times in 4 months and when she does she just wants to talk about herself, doesn’t ask how me or him are doing…barely speaks to him. Only cares that she gets a smile from him
as it “cheers her up”. Never offered any help. She spends all her time in a cafe down the road from where we live (has for years).

"But she’s shown no effort or interest " because she is not interested. Most people aren't that interested in other peoples kids. When me and friends had kids of a similar age and saw each other regularly - I was more interested in their kids as I got to know them but in the main I am not interested in other peoples kids (and now grandkids

I'm childfree by choice and one of the reasons for that is that I find babies and small children really rather dull. I only really like older children, once they're capable of a half-sensible conversation. Maybe your friends are the same.

I am Indian, which is the most child-centred culture in the world, but I must be an anomaly totally lacking in empathy and kindness, I guess.

Hmm.. just realised at least 3 of my close friends are child-free.😀this is clearly why I love them.

Not really. I have some friends who are really in my kids lives since they were born (mine are older) and some who probably haven't seen them since they were teeny. Both are fine and I have been the same with some of my friends kids.

You'd hate me, I don't like any kids never mind love them

Yes, I love my nephew very much.

This is much nicer than the usual MN line of 'other people's kids are nothing to me' which is so insular. My dad's best friends used to shower my sister and I with gifts whenever we saw them (once a year at most). They cared about us because they loved my dad and would have been kind to any kids, I think. Come to think of it, they were French.

Exactly that. No way on earth do I remember their birthdays.
And quite honestly, my friends and I always meet child free. It's impossible to have a decent and interesting conversation with children around.
I have a friend I have known from school, so known her 30 years. We have kids between 6 and 14. I think we have seen each others kids a maximum of twice in their whole lives (not even sure I've seen her 6 year old).I care about her, not her children. And even struggle to remember her birthday, so no chance for her kids!

Yes, in the (increasingly short it seems) gap between nappies and attitude, they are great!

You can’t know that!

This!

My MIL probably couldn’t pick her grandchildren out in a crowd OP, so could be worse!

Oh don't over cook this of course it's normal and common for friends and family to show love to your kids. Ops not asking for said friend to love them like she does or anything like this she's just surprised her very close mate ain't bothered to show any interest in her kids

You were close friends because she enjoyed YOUR company. That does not automatically extend to liking children, just like it doesn’t automatically extend to liking each other’s partners. Many friendships change when one of the friends gets kids and the other remains a childless. Your priorities in life have changed. Hers haven’t. She might find you talk too much about your kids and on purpose not ask about them for that reason. She might just not be interested in your baby’s feeding /sleeping /milestones. Are you interested in her work, hobbies, anything else that you have zero affinity with?

I have always been amazed at other people, including my dc godparents, showing interest in my dc. My dc are of interest to me and me only. Other people are interested in their own children. If they are not interested in their own children, they stay childless and have interests in other things, which are of interest to them. Other people's children are boring at best and annoying at worst. If you live wanting others to be interested in your children (including their teachers, coaches, doctors), you will be greatly disappointed. If you understand once and for all, that your children are only of interest to you and no-one else, and then discover anybody else giving half of a shit, you will be so grateful and amazed, that you will cheer up immediately.

Like I said, only my friends who are really into children pay any attention to mine. I have other friends who never mention them and others, who I can tell only ask about them because they feel they have to. When I start talking about my kids, I see their eyes glaze over.
I quite like being able to talk about other stuff to be honest.
Some parents really do over-share. I have a Facebook friend who posts several times a day about her little boy, e.g. "My little Oscar has done a poo in the potty today. I'm such a proud mummy." The next day "Little Oscar didn't manage to poo in the potty today, he just missed it! Next time".
I think "OMG, no one wants to hear about your child pooing!". I know it's a huge deal to you when you're potty training but no one else cares!