Close friends / relatives that you thought would love your child - just have no interest…

Yes my mum and dad who are their only grandparents once they started secondary school they was the end of their interest , although I should have seen it coming as they did the same to me

I do love my nieces and nephews but it’s not the same love as my DC. My own DC love is very powerful and constant ever presence, I think about them all the time, on my mind, include them in a lot of my thoughts, I miss them, wonder about them, worry about them etc.

my niece and nephew love is a warm fondness and enjoyment of seeing little people grow up and seeing their parents enjoy what I got to enjoy with my own DC.

I dont think most posters have said they dont love their nieces or nephews. I do.

Agree.

I love my sibling's child like my own, and that feeling is reciprocated by my sibling. That child carries 50% of my sibling's DNA, a tangible link to our family of origin.

I love my cousins too. I'm surprised people are so cut and dried about family. It's very sad and a reflection of a disintegration of society. It's not even Margaret Thatcher's, "There's no such thing as society". It's much worse - it seems there's now no such thing as family either.

I know what you mean, @Amiwrongamiright

You're not wrong to feel this way. You went through an enormous life change and it hasn't been acknowledged.

It's like the feeling people get when they lose their parent or sibling and all they get from people they thought they were close to is ... crickets.

Your friend is either socially awkward to a ridiculous degree, or has some feelings that she hasn't addressed, to do with you being a mother.

Sometimes women withdraw a bit from female friends who have had a baby, as if maternity is some sort of contagious virus or quicksand that they would get sucked into if they became too interested in it. The babies of friends can be seen as a trap or a threat by some women who have made inflexible plans around the timing of their own motherhood. This might be happening here too.

I’m the only one in my family of five with a child, and no, I don’t think for one moment that my siblings do ‘love’ DS. They like him and are interested in how he’s getting on, but love is a very tall claim.

It really doesn’t. I have lots of friends, childfree and parents, and I think it’s pretty unusual to be that interested in other people’s children. Sure, they’re a large part of your life if you’re a parent and they’re still young, but I find it’s much better for friendships to be realistic about how much anyone else really wants a blow-by-blow account of Jimmy’s SATs or Lavinia’s Duke of Edinburgh hike backpack.

Don't get me wrong, I wish them well, remember my godson’s birthday, and am interested insofar as their welfare concerns my friends.

Are you saying that aunts or uncles don’t love their nieces and nephews? Some people have a very sad view on life.

before i had children i was the cool aunt. i was the go too for baby sitting, i was the one who was asked for the expensive birthday presents, i was the one that took them out for lunches, the park all the stuff a single cool aunt would do.

i assumed, when it was my time to have children my siblings would be there to support me. nope! my DD's wouldn't know their aunts if they fell over them in the street!

I am also not really very invested in other people’s children and I love being a mum and very invested in my own children. I have nieces and nephews which I confess I do not love the same as my own kids I don’t know why, I do love them and I spend time with them but it’s just not the same feeling. My friends didn’t show that much interest in my kids and nowadays it’s just that we get together and kids are present but it’s not the sole reason for seeing one another

I do like some of my children’s friends, one in particular I really care about and make a lot of effort for her

I have DC so not child free and have no interest in/ care about other friends kids except ‘how’s so and so doing’. In the moments I get adult time last thing I want to do is talk about kids or even worse, hang out w them.

There’s interest and there’s interest, though. OP’s thread title suggests she thinks her friends should love her children?? That just seems naive to me.

Also (and I’m not necessarily accusing OP or pps of this, it’s a general comment) some people reach a point where they’re incapable of talking about anything except their children. It’s hard not to lose a bit of interest when that happens.

Your children are the most beautiful, intelligent, funny and endearing to have ever existed, TO YOU. Most other people couldn't really care less.

My brother. We had regular contact and saw each other twice yearly before my 3 DC were born. Eldest DC is now 19 and he has never met them. He cut all contact. He has never sent them a birthday or christmas card. When asked why he says he just has no interest in children. He has not attended family events since DC were born.

I think that’s perfectly normal.

Before I had kids I just didn't really like kids at all. Now I have children I am also more interested in other peoples kids so it might change over time.

I absolutely think children are a lifestyle choice.

Sure, it's a lifestyle choice parents feel an urge for. Same as any hobby really. I am drawn to art and music, therefore I spend time and money on art and music - that's my lifestyle choice. Parents, I presume, are drawn to raising children, and that's what they spent time and money on. It's a hobby. I don't mean that in a derogatory way - I think hobbies, or at least pursuing things you're passionate about, are the point of life.

I don't require my friends to be interested in my passions though! (But most of them are as that's how I met a lot of my friends...)

I think it goes part way to explain why so many mumsnetters don’t have friends or have so many issues in their friendships. Peoples children are such huge parts of their lives, that if you take no interest in the children of friends, that’s a large part of their lives you’re just dismissing. It’s strange to me. I spend a lot of time with my friends without our children, but I don’t know how our friendships could have lasted 25 years without being interested in each others children. I have acquaintances that I’m not involved with their children, but they’re not close friendships.

My daughter and 2 of my friends sons are also starting their GCSEs in a couple of weeks. They’ve all been studying together and we’re all rooting for them all. I’m glad my friendships are like they are, I don’t fancy the sort of relationships that mumsnetters describe as friendships.

Eta, there are definitely some people here who seem to like saying how much they are not interested in other people’s children and how boring they are, it’s been commented on before, often the same usernames. A whole demographic that are ‘boring’… lol. It’s like the people saying this think they’re edgy or something.

Believe me this is just a stage in your life and you’re rightly infatuated with your child. Most people with children feel that way. But to others it’s different. And children can be boring - especially other people’s. Accept your friends won’t feel the way you want them to - when your children are older and fly the nest you’ll come to rely on your friends again.

I'm really interested in my friends' kids and want to know how they're doing. Obviously as with grown ups, you gel more with some kids than others, but apart from anything else it's faschinating seeing a person grow up and what they become. I think some people are simply not that interested in other people, I wouldn't waste time being cross with them about it. My Mum is just not that interested in my kids (her only grandkids), she is nice to them but especially my DD, she more or less ignores. I've no idea why as I am really looking forward to having grandkids and spoiling them, and it's not just because she's old as she never wanted to be hands on with them.

From the majority of the comments on this thread I think I'm an outlier. I've always been interested in how my sibling's and close friend's kids are getting on. I've always thought about family in terms of tribes - if I love you or care about you, I care about what you care about and that includes your kids etc

Having said that, I do think we're encouraged by the current discourse/ zeitgeist around parenting to see children as a bit of an unnecessary indulgence and therefore the sole responsibility of their parents in terms of finances and emotional support. The idea that children are purely a lifestyle choice (rather than a biological imperative that can be overridden by personal choice) is probably at the root of this indifference 🤷

Honestly.

Best will in the world, I'm not really arsed.

This doesn't stop me caring about my friends. Kids are an add on but I'm not particularly interested in the kids.

My own DC and my nieces and nephews
Other than that I am not especially interested in other people’s DC

This is bloody rich. Every child-free person I know has asked more polite questions and had more polite conversations about Other People's Children than we've ever been asked about our passions and interests and lives by parents in the baby bubble. Self-centred? Look inwards.

My dad hasn't seen me or my son in over 3 years, my son is vaguely aware he has a grandad but doesn't know what he looks like. I have been pretty heartbroken about it as it shows he really doesn't give a shit about either of us. I have tried to make plans to see him but he generally finds an excuse to cancel so I've stopped trying