Close friends / relatives that you thought would love your child - just have no interest…

I dont get people saying you can't love someone else's child. I do! And friends love mine! I love my goddaughter and her brother with all my heart. I think about them a lot, and cherish updates from their mum. Buy them little things I think they'll like and send them parcels on special occasions.

I get your point and it is an unhappy feeling when people you are so fond of show no interest in your children - I also guarantee that if she has a baby she will act like she’s the first person in the world to ever have had a baby - I’ve had friends like this. Don’t waste your time worrying about it, you can’t change the situation.

I thought I'd be close to my nieces, but DB and DSIL were like hawks when visiting.
They'd double check everything and it was more a chore to be around the kids.

It's meant I see them less as just not worth the bother.

I’m really not interested in other people’s children and don’t expect them to be interested in mine beyond very close family.

It wouldn’t occur to me to ask to see a friend’s child. I’m happy to see them and happy to spend time with them but it would be as a byproduct of seeing my friend.

My IL liked DC as a baby but lost interest about aged four. Sadly Godmother went non-contact when she got married even though we see her parents regularly. My IL pretty much have nothing to do with DC now at all.

Of course we can't understand it.

I'm less bothered about old friends. Why should they care about my kid? I FB with friends and we give advice or mention kids but otherwise we have little contact.

You're lucky. I'm also childfree by choice, and although I'm post-menopause now, back in the day people used to take great pleasure in shoving baby pics under my nose and plonking babies in my arms on the very mistaken assumption that I'd suddenly be 'transformed' and become desperately broody in the blink of an eye. It was never going to happen.

This is an expectation only ever put on women, by women. Men aren't expected to coo over their mates new baby, and women shouldn't be either, we aren't all baby mad!

I’m surprised by this thread. I love my close friend’s DC - they are such a massive part of her and her life that I would be doing a disservice to our friendship if I hadn’t made an effort to know them.

My friend jokingly calls me the wise one (I don’t think that’s warranted in any way!) Her DD7 has picked up on that so I get video messages on the way home from school telling me about the problem
of the day or asking for advice on a Brownie badge. (Her mum does this too but not usually about lunch box drama!).

We live a sea apart and I’m child free (not by choice) so it’s taken effort on both our parts in keep our friendship and to get to know the DC anywhere near properly.

Me to see past a screaming toddler, overwhelmed new mum stage or watching an episode Cocomelon or two to be able talk to a 3 year old, her to consciously to make an effort to ask about things in my life - even if it meant writing herself a note when the DC were tiny! I can honestly say I love my DFrice and DFriphew every bit as much as my DNeices.

Rubbish! My nieces and nephew and children are some of the most important people in my life. And I adore some of my friends’ children.

This.

Until I had a child myself I had ZERO interest in anybody else's children. I might ask how they were, but it would be at the same level of interest as "how's your photography business going" or "are you still enjoying playing football".

Agree you're not being realistic. I'm childfree by choice, and the only kids I really care about are my nieces and nephews, and that is to varying extents. I'm just not interested in my friends' children which surprises me actually. I think the sibling element makes for a much deeper bond.

Generally my friends' kids are the reason I don't see them as much anymore so maybe I low level resent them!

Love aside, it’s very strange and rude to not send your best friend’s child a birthday card.

A great philosopher once said there are two only two things that only you appreciate being around:
Your own farts
Your own kids

Sorry I wasn't clear - i was referring to posters who seem to think that nobody outside of family should be interested in your kidsband the OP was unreasonable to expect it. I was not commenting on childfree people.

I agree with you that childfree friends can be amongst the most supportive and interested., even if I know from personal experience it can be really hard.

I had my kids long before the rest of my peer group. I was left alone. Kids weren’t their thing at all and they had their own lives to get on with. These things happen unfortunately. I was phased out after declining nights out and other things due to being a parent. I had csesctions but was expected to be able to hit a night club and get pissed 6 days after having a baby. Random texts saying they were going through to Manchester last minute, train leaves in an hour can you come? I wasn’t making excuses because I had valid excuses and wasn’t able to please myself they could. Hard pill to swallow the shift in friendships once babies arrive on the scene.

I know what you mean in relation to family members who haven’t shown much interest however, i’d not expect friends to be overly invested in my children. Obviously asking how the kids are is polite, i’d ask childfree friends how their partners / parents/ pets etc are when I see them but i’d not necessarily send their partners / parents cards or text happy birthday etc. I have a family member who has a group chat with family & friends just to share pictures of her child, she’s almost 2 now and there’s been daily updates since birth - it’s just too much, people (other than maybe grandparents) are usually only being polite when taking an interest.

I love my late best friend’s children- they’re in their 30s and I’ve always loved them. And she did mine, too.

I fully understand this. The person who is supposed to be my best friend of going on 30 years she'd be wanting to take my child out and wanting to spend loads of time with them have them for tea and wanted me to live close so we can spend time together more her kids and mine and yet nope. She's even a God parent to them but doesn't bother to come see them or be invited round and now to the point she makes excuses constantly when her kids ask to come round too.

Do you love (or show great interest in) the children of other friends? Did you do so before you had a child of your own?

Some people just don't like kids. That includes many people who love their own children but don't really want to interact with anyone else's. It's a perfectly valid perspective, the propagation of the species notwithstanding. 😅

I'm not a kids person and although I was always kind to my ex close friends child, I wouldn't say there was any kind of bond. I used to ask after her and saw her occasionally, but that's it. In the end we grew apart anyway.

It's a steep learning curve of parenting, realising that literally no-one cares that much about your children. I am fond of some of my friend's DC but that's as far as it goes. I don't know when their birthdays are, unless my DC are invited to a party. Especially as my DC get older I have no interest in little ones really. If I had no kids of my own I would be even less interested.

I remember my friends all having children when I was in my late 20s/early 30s and I wasn't ready. I drifted away from them during that time to be honest. We were living such different lives and I had no interest in their children or talking about children. Then I had a child and my child- free best friend couldn't care less and didn't get it ...he asked me to go to a gig 2 days after I gave birth and was surprised when I said no! Unless your friend really adores children, I think her reaction is pretty normal.

Is your chat child centric?

People aren't as " fun" once they have kids...me included! If you went partying or even for tea and cake with a friend before kids, that will have changed afterwards.
Child free kids aren't interested in the price of nappies, healthy weaning foods and your child's latest hobby.

YABU my own DM shows little interest or love for my DC her GC. If friends show a passing interest thats fine. Just because your PFB is the be all and end all in your world doesn’t mean friends and acquaintances will feel the same a passing interest is sufficient.

Having said that when I was younger I was really close to one friends DC I was her godmother and sadly she moved away and we lost touch.