To not help my Mum change Grandads bedding?

All of those judging op.

Have you actually been in this position yourselves and did you recruit your dc to help clean up soiled items? And you were happy to expect your DC to do this?

It is women's work.

Here you go:

https://www.carersuk.org/press-releases/international-women-s-day-2024-10-facts-about-women-who-are-unpaid-carers/

This is how women blame other women while the men in this situation are left to get on with their lives.

Those advocating to punish a dying man and his daughter by refusing to help change a bed just because someone else isn’t doing it too are disgusting. This desperate need to assert some kind of misplaced feminism and bring up gender stereotypes is horrible. Literally nobody is saying it’s ’women’s work’ except you! You’re projecting those assumptions onto every single post.
Yes, everybody should help. Yes, others should step up. Yes, that needs to be addressed. But as already said, this doesn’t excuse refusing to help because someone else isn’t. It’s just showing a complete lack of compassion. They are ALL being selfish.
The only ones that aren’t are the mum and the dying grandfather.

I'm a carer. I wouldn't let my own worst enemy lay in their own piss and shit. Especially not on their deathbed.

The fact she hasn't responded to the question why is strange. Also it's not women's work there are lots of male carers in the profession. Especially in residential homes. The SD should help change the sheets especially if he is living in th same house.

I would be doing it for her or she would be helping me

OP you might get some more balanced and less judgemental responses if you ask for this thread to be moved to Elderly Parents, even though it doesn’t concern a parent. I’m sorry you’re getting such an unwarranted pasting, just know that some of us have been there and get it.

The misogyny on this thread is disgusting. Her SD as a male and husband of his wife should be stepping up. Not giving the men in the family a free pass and expecting women to do it as it's 'womens work'.

OP has done her bit.

Exactly - Imagine if you helped out all your life whilst the men watched tv … but you only have son’s and they think it not their place to help you when you need this? It’s women’s work!

I would have helped my mum, and lambasted my stepdad. These things are nearly ALWAYS left to women.

I am so very much hoping that The OP isn't true. It's hard to believe that a child / grandchild could be so selfish. Leaving her mother and (retired, elderly, just as old or older?) step dad to do it when it takes but minutes for a younger, healthy adult to do it.

She'll be complaining about the lack of an inheritance next...

Wow I can’t believe you’re not helping your 70 year old mum. And he’s your grandad, very poor from
you.

It absolutely does not make her selfish. Stop with the guilt tripping.

I don’t. I sense male family members thinking they don’t have to help became they are men.

This is exactly how women guilt other women while men get off scot free.

I think you are not unreasonable to object to doing this, given that other family members are not stepping up and helping, @NimbleBee. It must be very galling to see someone napping in the sun while you are expected to help your mum with such a nasty job.

I sense backstory here

Right anymore. Which means she WAS HELPING to begin with. The SD didn't help at....all. At least OP did help at first. Something is better than nothing.

I care for my elderly mum who suffers from Alzheimer's and cancer. I would not dream of asking either of my children to help change any of my mum's soiled items.

No, Yanbu. Take no notice of the judgy comments. I bet my bottom dollar most have not been in this position. It's vile and hard bloody work, shame on any of them expecting their poor DC to do this when and if the time comes.

How many of those posting judgy comments have actually had to do this themselves? Especially if there are other family members who could take their turn but won’t?

Helping out with some care if possible is a good thing to do and OP’s done it. But I’m not surprised if she’s fed up now that no one else is helping. OP’s DM should be getting angry with this too now and either arranging carers and/or requesting that those who haven’t helped step up and take a turn.

I also wonder if the judgey replies would have been the same if not for the likely assumption that OP is a woman. I’m getting the impression there are gendered expectations in play within OP’s family too, and it’s not fair.

YABU - help your poor mum - and grandad

Check through other threads where family refuse and the op is stuck. It’s easy for someone to say no. There is usually kindness. I’ve not seen the nasty replies like on here before. The op says no and perhaps her mum will tell her (the mum’s) dh to step up? I’ve suggested getting a carer that all family contribute towards. I would add that if there’s a power of attorney or if the grandfather is in mental capacity then the grandfather’s savings could be used for his care.

This, it’s your grandad. And your mum. Help them out.