To not help my Mum change Grandads bedding?

Depends on your relationship with your mum. You don't owe the help but if you otherwise have a close relationship it might be better to just grit your teeth and do it. Otherwise don't be guilted into it if it makes you uncomfortable. Definitely don't help her husband with anything ever though.

I’m confused, I don’t even know who this person is. But my own family then yes of course unless there was a real reason I was unable to.

The MEN CAN HELP.

It will be them who could be dying one day,

The adult child has already helped twice this week. Try reading the thread. It isn't hard.

It is awful when people can't read the thread.

Have you had council carers come to your home 4 times a day?

HELP her, one day you could be where your mum or granddad are now and you'll need some loving compassionate support too.

This is exactly why women are doing the majority of unpaid care while men are scot free.

That simply isn't true. We can all choose who does our personal care. Otherwise women would be forced to accept men, and we all know that isn't acceptable to a lot of women.

Her dad is dying and her husband isn’t helping and neither is her adult child.

I hope she makes some massive changes in her life after her dad leaves this earth.

You are awful and so is your step dad.

Your mother asked YOU.

It's appalling that you're casting your eyes around for someone else to help. Just do it, it takes minutes and from the sounds of it, he won't be on this earth for much longer.

I thought the same, would do it without thinking twice but I am in my seventies and aware that one day, I could need help.
................

Regarding your step dad, op, he does need to step up in some ways, there must be things he can do in granddad's house, plus shopping unless it is delivered; also at home while your mum is helping her dad. Maybe he does those things and when he was in the garden, was having a bit of time off. Only you know.

Whatever, it is up to your mum to speak to him about it.

She is 70 years of age and watching her father die whilst doing her best to care for him. Everyone who can should step in and help make it easier. squabbling like this probably makes her feel resented for asking those around her for help, when she should be feeling supported at this time.

You pop round and just do it.

Didn't think so.

Why - it’s changing sheets

and I reckon I know who the stepfather is gonna expect to clean up hisnpissy sheets

Fucking useless men take up way too much headspace!

Forget him OP and get over to the Elderly Parents forum and find out about getting the outside help you and your DM need. You shouldn't have to be coping with this on your own, help is available but you have to go out and access it.

If this is the only reason it still does not sit well with me. Should everyone in the family who is able to help be helping? Absolutely!
However, if my 70 year old mother asked me to help even if it was the third time that day, I can’t imagine just telling her no. OP- after you refused, did your stepdad help or was your mum just left to manage it alone?
It’s not about being a woman or not, it’s about being a decent human being and helping your mum who is having to be a carer for her dying father instead of being able to treasure the remaining time she has with him.

When he has carers, then there is no choice, it is whoever turns up.

This approach is never given to men

Surprise surprise.

I think it would be better if you helped your mum rather than her husband who presumably is not related to your grandad.
But in the living mg term it's probably better for your grandad to get some paid carers and it's a horrible situation for him and for your mum

Op doesn't have to do a god damn thing and she doesn't have to feel guilty about it either, she is not the one that decided to do this level of care, she's been roped in by her mother who made that choice.

I don't care if she's 70, she can't drag and guilt people in to help change shitty, pissy sheets because SHE decided to do it.
If she can no longer do it herself and her husband refuses to help at all and no other family want to help and OP has come to the end of her helping limit then the family need to get carers in or get the grandfather into a hospice.

No one is owed this level of care by any family members, it is why everyone should have a plan in place so situations like this can be avoided.

The amount of internalised misogyny in the majority of these replies are astounding, shocking even and you should have a look at yourselves and why you've responded so disgustingly to op.

Just do it. If others don’t want to then they can live with that, but I would be helping if it were me and not declining because someone else wouldn’t.

I don't think that anyone should be forced into helping out with the caring that someone else has decided to do.

Why wouldn't he? Would you really want your grandaughter to have to deal with this kind of personal care for you? I certainly wouldn't.

Exactly this. The OP says there are other family who could help but do not.
Her stepdad chooses to sleep in the garden instead of stepping up for his wife.
But it's the OP who needs to 'grow up' and who is 'selfish'.

The misogyny, sexism and male/male-style chauvinism here are off the charts.

Nope you need to help more than want your step dad does it’s your grandad.