DH says "he's just private"

There are things she can do about it. If my dh were denying my existence to his work, including in conversations about him finding the right woman and settling down, and wouldn’t wear a wedding ring, I’d be explaining this didn’t seem like a real relationship to me where both participants are committed, and if he has one foot out of the relationship then you think it’s not going to work. Bullshit is that ‘I’m a private person’ type behaviour.

Yep I do agree after reading the OP again and the further updates. Very odd indeed.

you are right, I got derailed by the we both work in corporate industry.

It's still said in front of his wife at least. It's a bit weird but it's not that common not to discuss your marital situation at work . Sometimes simply because you are in the middle of a divorce, but not only for that reason.

Well, it is within his right to share whatever he wants about his life so there is nothing you can do about it.

I am private but will correct incorrect assumptions.

I presumed OP overheard it as DP was working from home?

If they worked together everyone would know they’re married because OP would be open about it.

I overheard a convo once with his manager/friend and she was giving him advise assuming he is a single guy & DH did not correct her to say I am actually married and have kids.

on one side it's very weird, it's such a non-issue, I can't understand why someone wouldn't just say that he's married.

On the other side, if it was in front of you as you could hear the conversation, it's not a sneeky thing.

Maybe it's the fact that you are both working close together his problem - yes, he's married but he doesn't want people to know it's with a collegue or near-colleague. That would make more sense.

I get being private. I am too, for example my family are only aware of two of the men I have had relationships with and met exactly zero of them.

But I don’t hide things. When people assume, I correct them. All the men I have ever met who conceal the fact they have spouses / kids tend to be massive cheats.

Why would you bother?! If my DH was going to these lengths to try and deny my existence, I'm certainly not going to be ringing his work to let them know he's married! For what reason?!

I would however be looking into leaving him!

This.
Your husband is happy to lie and be deceitful.

Also OP if I eventually found out that an employee I’d worked with for years and had given ‘dating’/single life advice to, was actually MARRIED with children???? I wouldn’t think much of him and would be very wary of him. So whatever he’s trying to pull, it’s going to backfire on him and he’s going to look like an idiot.

I think I'd want to be ringing his office with a message from his wife about not forgetting parents evening as often as is viable when you'd usually text. Once a receptionist knows that will help.

This sounds utterly bizarre!

Yeah to be honest, reading your updates OP, it does all sound a bit odd. I get not talking about your home life to work colleagues, but not actively correcting someone who assumes you are single is definitely not on. And not wearing a wedding ring alongside the rest of it is raising alarm bells...

And has he never had to take off work for a family emergency with the children, or booked an afternoon off to see a school play or sports day? Do you go on summer or Easter holidays, and he just keeps it a secret, nobody asks if he’s been abroad when he gets back? I understand being private but he’s definitely very strange and I wouldn’t be happy… colleagues will always ask if you had a nice weekend etc., does he just act like he sat in alone for 2 days? I’d be extremely hurt if my DP pretended I didn’t exist and never mentioned me.

The impersonation request shows your husband is very comfortable lying.

Perhaps one thing you can do is make it clear to him that you are not in fact comfortable with lies.

Yeah it's weird. With close colleagues I mention my children and DH. But tbh I don't with random colleagues where it isnt relevant or appropriate.

I feel you need to be cautious with this one. Do you know about his financials, have access to all accounts and contracts?

Agree

I think people who come from places where everyone knows everyone else's business can overcompensate, and become secretive with outsiders

Nah, not buying that as an excuse. There's private and then there's actively hiding you have a wife and kids, which is what that weirdo is doing. Wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.

My father didn't tell anyone outside his family when my parents married. If people asked him, he would be truthful, but wouldn't offer up any information.

Someone else I knew would walk in the wrong direction if she saw anyone she knew, so they wouldn't know where she was going.

I think people who come from places where everyone knows everyone else's business can overcompensate, and become secretive with outsiders.

When XH2 and I divorced, I found out hardly anybody knew he was married. They thought I was just a friend of his! He was always going on about being a very private person. I'd say secretive.
It turned out he did have a lot of secrets.

I agree, OP, it's hurtful and insulting. Also, the story about asking his classmate to impersonate a pop star on video to "a child" is fucking weird even if he said it was his own daughter. Massively more weird to ask and then refuse to say who the child is.

I feel you need to be cautious with this one. Do you know about his financials, have access to all accounts and contracts?

Nothing malicious going on with manager as she swings the other way.

Are we still saying is nonsense in 2025???